2013 Expectations

Posted: December 31, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I suppose this is my obligatory New Year’s Resolution post. After all, a new year is approaching and it would seem silly not to at least set a few goals. This year though will be different from past years. 2013 for me has to be an important year for me. If it’s not…fuck.

In January 2011 I decided that if in two years I still was interested I would move to Los Angeles to further pursue my desire to have a career as a television/film writer. I could have simply said screenwriter but technically writing for a PowerPoint means you’re writing for a screen so I refuse to use that word. Through 2011 and 2012 it was all I could think about. It seemed so perfectly scripted for my life to head in that direction. I worked hard at writing as much as I could during this span of time. I’m not proud of much I’ve done with my life, but the amount I produced and the quality I believe I consistently achieve at this point is something I wish I could brag about and have someone understand how far I have come.

worst movie idea ever

(This was not one of those clever ideas I had this year)

Life doesn’t always work out the way we want it. I got as far as filling out an application for an apartment I visited while out in Los Angeles in October. The stress and fear of moving across the country began to hit me not much after. As fantastic as it would be to drive off into the sunset with a big fat middle finger sticking out the car window it was not realistic. I have no valuable skills to offer at a job. Worse, I have no credentials that would get me much further than where I am now with my desired career.

Instead I opted to move to New York City which is much closer and still can offer me what I want, at least for now. New York City is complicated so I settled for North Jersey, close enough where I can actually see the skyscrapers in Manhattan. I actually have to walk down a couple blocks to see the view, but it’s there and I’ll probably never bother unless I have absolutely nothing else to do.

The hardest thing about it all is I am still getting rid of nearly everything in my life. I just have less of a distance to drive and also won’t have to pay $5 for a gallon of California gas. In fact, I won’t need a car at all anymore. After spending the last 3 years driving an hour to work it’s almost arousing to know in the coming days I will have gotten stuck in my last traffic jam for a while.

Kyiv_traffic_jam

(I’m not going to miss looking at another person’s bumper. I should really get my blood pressure checked now and then again after a month without driving just to see how much of an early grave it has sent me to already)

Growing up I was always told two things when it came to happiness. The first was bite your tongue, life sucks now shut up and play goalie fatso. The second was if you’re not happy you should fix it. Well, I spent 25 years doing the first. When something bothered me I remembered how much worse things could be. Yes there’s a hole in our bathroom floor but at least we have a bathroom. No matter how much things bothered me, no matter how miserable I would get at times, I never really did much about it other than hope someone would cross my path and save me. I feel like a woman writing that last sentence but I think it’s true for men and women. It’s easier to have someone else do all the work when really you’ve got to always do it yourself.

I’ve quit my job I have had since I was 17 which may have been the most consistent thing in my life. I had no problem quitting because it never brought me joy and it never let me do anything close to what I wanted to with my life. It became clear to me long ago that working there my entire life could be possible. I could have continued working there and driving an hour back and forth. I could have continued coming home to my apartment each night to no prospect that something incredible might happen. Nobody was going to show up at my door. Nobody was going to rescue me from complacency. As scary as it is and as scared as I still am, getting comfortable in a routine of loneliness is not healthy and eventually it will catch up to you.

jurassic-park

(Typical Jeff Goldblum. Always running away from the problem without a real solution in mind. That ain’t me)

So what are my expectations for 2013? I’m starting the year off living in a new town, no job, and knowing exactly what I want out of life without too much of an idea on where to start or how to get it. My simple expectation for 2013 is to do whatever it takes. I want to get involved in whatever I can with whoever I can. I’ve spent my life surrounded by apathetic people who mean well but don’t offer me what I need. I used to have people I wanted to be. Now over the last few years it becomes clearer how the time for me to try to become the hero is here. I’m probably not going to rescue anyone from anything life threatening but I certainly hope I can at least lead by example and inspire others to do something amazing with their lives.

Most importantly I’m making these changes because I want more than I have. My current lifestyle is not something that could one day support a family or really get everything out of life a person should experience. A person shouldn’t have to give up so young, which I try telling everyone my age who seem to do it with ease. One day I want to be able to afford to go out to fancy restaurants maybe with a wife and kids. I want to be able to own a home where I worry about it being built on an Indian Burial Ground. In my life I want to be able to go on vacations and love my job so much that I spoil the fun for whoever I’m with. The direction my life was headed, I could somewhat attain these things. And it’s about more than money of course. It’s about feeling valued and most of all, valuing myself. There are not many things I need or want in life. One of them is to actually enjoy waking up with who I am and what I do.

In 2013 I expect to a year from now be so exhausted from all the hard work and good times I’ve had that I write something short enough you actually read entirely through. Let’s kick some ass and take some names in 2013.

Comments
  1. Addie says:

    Let’s kick some ass and take some names in 2013. Deal.

  2. Addie says:

    PS Be proud of what you’ve done–I know it’s been a huge step for you to move forward towards NYC, towards your goals. Never let fear stop you, continue to believe in yourself. I know I believe in you (for what that’s worth!).

  3. Lily says:

    Solid post. I think we’re in a weird part of life where some people have accomplished so much and others have accomplished nothing, and some people are just floating through life. You’re really passionate about writing and I think you will go really far with it. Doors will open for you along the way, I’m sure of it. Everything that you said you want, I’m sure one day you’ll have. Don’t worry. It will all pan out.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Now I’m afraid you’re dying because this was too nice of a comment. Thanks Lily! It’s nice to have friends like you to give positive reinforcement.

      • Lily says:

        I do have a sore throat/possibly cancer so maybe? You’re welcome! I feel like I don’t give you enough compliments. You’re always building me up, too. WE’RE JUST THE BEST OF FRIENDS.

        But seriously, I wasn’t saying those things just to say them, I meant them for realz yo.

      • Mooselicker says:

        You’re too kind. Please don’t die. I like these compliments.

  4. Your writing is extremely consistent. Not only that, but consistently strong and solid. There’s a lot of stuff I read that is consistently boring and unoriginal (again, what does this say about me?), and with goals in your mind for what you want to achieve, I really believe that you’re going to be able to reach all of them. I’m kind of a big believer in positive thinking, not because it will actually get you what you want, but in the end even if you fail you will have still been true to yourself and that will give you more of a sense of accomplishment than anything else.

    I have a good feeling about 2013. May it treat you well, Tim.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Now I have to say the same thing to you like I did to Lily. Are you dying? I always think when people are nice they’re dying.

      Thanks though Emily. This WordPress community has been incredibly supportive and has been a great outlet to meet more creative people. I agree with you on the blandness most people have. I’m excited to see what 2013 brings to your blog. I don’t know if I commented on it but I saw you were possibly taking your blog in a new, more honest to yourself direction. We should all do that. Someone better leave a funny comment on this soon or else I’m going to think we’re all about to die.

      • Sorry, it’s New Years and I’m already on my way to finishing an entire bottle of wine. When I’m drinking I get kind of pensive and depressing. Except when I just get drunk and woooooo. Feel free to look through some of my pics from Korea on my FB for documentation of said wooooooishness. Those are pretty funny.

      • Mooselicker says:

        No need to apologize. I will look through some of those photographs for sure at least to remind myself what drinking can do to a person. Happy New Years Emily!

  5. renxkyoko says:

    Very profound. I’m sure you’ll make it.

  6. twindaddy says:

    Good luck! I have no doubt with effort and determination you will reach your goals.

  7. I do not worry about buying a home on Indian Burial Ground. I do worry about buying a house that used to be a meth lab. As such, I only buy from really old people who seem profoundly uncool or right-wing religious types. This lowers my chances by about 80%.

    As for life changes, it’s a huge thing, moving, and getting a new job. However, NYC has a lot of opportunities, and it’s great that you actually KNOW WHAT YOU WANT AND ARE WILLING TO GO AFTER IT at 25. And rare. So rare.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Houses that used to be meth labs have a lot of character. Let’s wait until I make more than Joe Millionaire to worry about housing though. I really should work on being able to pay my own phone bill first.

      Thanks for the encouragement. I’ve tried things like this before but it never felt like I was giving it my all. This time though I’m making sure to limit my excuses. Plus now that I’ve told everyone I can’t fail out of embarrassment.

  8. God forbid the kids can see the shows you would write one day.

    Kidding aside, I’m proud of you, TImmy. Very. And until you finally wake up with THAT magical feeling of awesomeness, you better die or keep trying. I’d rather love it if you do the latter first but it’s your call. Only yours.

    • Mooselicker says:

      No, actually God forbid is correct. My main idea is called “America’s Funniest Baby Tossing Moments, Bloopers, and Blunders” and I really think it will lead to my execution. Who wants to see home movies of babies being ill tossed?

      Thanks Jenny, I thihnk that’s your name or at least your fake name. I’ve set myself only to succeed. No excuses this time. I’m ready to build the empire.

      • I knew it. Are you also interested in writing scripts for the sex industry?

        Empire thing = Coolness. Once you’ve had it built, perhaps you could give me a job or help me land one? I’d prefer top book publishing, if you don’t mind.

        And haha, my real name is in fact Cocksucker Washington. It’s a family name because I’m Nigerian and love to, well you know….At least I’m not a transsexual, am I right?

      • Mooselicker says:

        Don’t worry, I fully intend on helping out all the little people once I help myself.

        I feel like I know who really killed Kennedy now.

        And I’d love to work in the sex industry. It seems so simple. This goes in there. Simple enough.

  9. To my favorite blogger/ philadelphian: guess what? My husband and I own a production company. (www.firstrowfilms.com) Email me at lrnkarpf@gmail.com for details. You can send me your resume. We live in charlotte now, but have connections for you up north! Seriously, hit me up! Id be glad to help you. You are super talented!

  10. Brother Jon says:

    I did it. I made through the whole thing…and I enjoyed it. I hope you get all that you’re looking for. Have fun…that’s an important part too. This is very inspiring for myself, and many others who are looking on.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Thanks Brother Jon. Letting others know what you’re striving for usually means you’re less likely to fail only because you’ll have egg on your face if you do.

  11. Wow, you are really getting in touch with your feelings…
    Stop it… that is not what you do…
    Also, we all have the option of resolving not to make resolutions… just sayin’…

  12. Pete Howorth says:

    We should make a deal that the first one that becomes a millionaire gives the other person 100k, I say this because I feel you’ll reach that point before I will. You have balls to get up and go to another city, that’s something I wish I could do however I do not agree with the wife and kids scenario, bitches yes; a family.. Ew.

  13. You’re moving! How fun. Now you’ll have to get writing fodder from someone besides your crappy neighbors. Good luck with the career change and a new chapter of your life! Exciting, and scary, but mostly exciting.

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