Posts Tagged ‘satan little league superstar’

This isn’t your standard infomercial. I’m not going to try selling you an inferior product promising you rock hard abs or a vibrating condom that can cure male pattern baldness. Instead I am simply going to bug you once more about the first book I wrote because it’s a new year and I’m convinced people forget things from year to year.

I won’t try a hard-sell or anything because where will that get me? All I’ll simply say is I would be forever grateful if you bothered to read my book. I’ve got a few others written and am either in the process of editing them or staring at them screaming “Fucking make sense damn it” because they don’t fucking make much sense, damn it. Really, there are way too many plot holes. But not in this book I am promoting. It’s solid and makes sense. I wouldn’t sell you something I didn’t believe in. Before disrobing for a woman I always say “Hey listen, I know you’ve probably seen those Abercrombie and Fitch models and stuff. Look at my clothes. Do you see an Abercrombie and Fitch logo? No. I just want you to know what you’re getting yourself into.” Then I get naked and she tells me to pay her because she’s got to hand the money off to her pimp before the last train ride back to Harlem.

flight_time__special_k

(They make Harlem seem so much friendlier than we all know it really is. Thank you Flight Time and Special K)

But really what I’m trying to say is here’s a video I made from a Podcast I did back in October. If you want to listen to the full Podcast you can go here FULL EPISODE by clicking on the green download button and not the green start button in the advertisement like I did which caused me way too much trouble. But more importantly than that, this is a part of the recording where the focus is on me which I always enjoy.

For more information and direct links to obtaining a copy of this magnificent masterpiece you can go here SATAN LITTLE LEAGUE SUPERSTAR or like I lazily said, just Google it.

I will also say I don’t mind at all giving out a free copy to anyone. In fact, I would love to give you all free copies because that’s the kind of guy I am, one who desperately would like for more people to actually read this book.

For a free copy go to SMASHWORDS.COM, sign-up for a free account, click buy on the book, and then when asked for a coupon use XZ78R. This will knock the price down to $0 and you will be charged nothing. You don’t have to enter any credit card information or anything like that. It’s absolutely free and you can buy a million copies. Maybe not. But that would be really cool if someone bought 3 million copies. I think I’d get in trouble so don’t buy that many. But get one for yourself, your family, and all your friends. Or at the very least watch the video I made. I guess that’s it. If you read all this, watched the video, and made a purchase I probably took away 30 minutes of your time. I’m sorry, thank you.

P.S. Okay I had this sitting in the drafts since mid-December so I can add a little more, no? If you’re interested at all in a paperback copy those are also available. You can either buy it from Amazon or Create Space eStore or contact me directly and get it for far cheaper. I’ll let you choose your own price, granted it must be at least $2.79 but then there’s shipping and handling and by then you’re taking out a second mortgage. Contacting me directly means you also get a copy autographed by the author, Satan, and Jesus. Most importantly watch the video. It’s free, fun, and it’s almost even a little bit of a promotion for the book I let you all know about last week.

Oh speaking of last week’s book, thanks to everyone who picked up a free copy. Be sure to leave a review. I ended up giving out almost 150 free copies in those 3 days it was available so the more reviews the more likely someone might purchase it and I can afford to keep my electricity on. I’ll shut up now. Watch the video. And look at this picture of hot new releases! By that I don’t mean a fresh dog poo in wintertime either.

hot new releases

book cover jpeg

Great things come in pairs. Breasts, testicles, the Sprouse twins, double vision, buy one get one free strawberries, conjoined twins, pears, clones, double penetration, shooters who killed JFK, and shoes.

Recently two wonderful bloggers contributed blog love toward me. They are more Internet famously known as ‘Ard Pete and BroJo.

Pete was kind enough to review my first ever big time best-selling (okay I’m lying) novel Satan: Little League Superstar. You can find Pete’s awesome review here Pete’s Totally ‘Ard Review of Satan: Little League Superstar.

BroJo on the other hand wanted to get to know me. He wanted to dig deep into my soul and find out what makes me tick. He asked the hard-hitting questions that few men would dare to ask. Read the interview I did with him here BroJo’s Totally ‘Ard Interview with Mooselicker.

Thank you both for making me feel special. Now here’s a picture of Katy Perry’s pair so people from Facebook will be more likely to click on the link.

Katy_Perry_breast

 

Amazonians are gigantic women who live in the jungle and have lesbian tendencies. Plain and simple, they hate men. I got stuck walking behind a really tall, really wide, and really lesbian woman today. I hate walking and getting stuck behind someone wide and tall. I can’t get around them and I can’t look over top of them to see if they’re the one I should flip off or if there is someone more normal sized holding up the line.

But to keep things short and not get too into a topic I know nothing about, I just wanted for the sake of self-promotion to mention my book Satan: Little League Superstar is now available on Amazon. And as mentioned nearly 3 months ago when I published the thing (where HAS the time gone?) you can still get a free copy because I’m kind (desperate) like that.

Satan: Little League Superstar on Amazon

Satan: Little League Superstar on Smashwords for FREE sign-up then enter the code AG46L upon checkout to receive a free copy

All other links can be funder under WRITING SAMPLES>SATAN: LITTLE LEAGUE SUPERSTAR

What have people been saying about it so far?

“I can’t wait for the next one.”

“One of the best satires on little league sports I have ever read.”

“You don’t use enough commas.” – I went back and fixed this

“I feel bad that I haven’t read it yet.”

“I’ll get it once it’s on Amazon, I swear.”

If you fall into the last category, hop to it.

I’ve got many more projects in store to entertain you (waste your time) so stay tuned. Videos, viral marketing, more books, and so forth and so on.

To make things less awkward I’ll ask a question at the end. What have you been up to in your life lately? Me, I’ve been incredibly busy trying to escape the horror that is my everyday life through hard work, finding shortcuts, and tricking myself into thinking one day it will all work out in the end. How about you?

From the skies birds drop dead. Fish in the oceans float to the top. Ice caps melt. Hillbillies purchase toothbrushes. Louie Anderson does a successful sit up. I change the channel away from the best of women’s Olympic volleyball. The world has come to an end. My first novel is now available in full.

(Your excitement level)

Yep, there were people out there who said I couldn’t do it. Friends. Family. The Nation of Islam. All of you. I spit on your grave. I have a completed book and what have you done with your life? I bet you can’t even lift a book. I’m stronger than you are. Better too. You won’t have me to push around anymore. I have as much credibility as that 50 Shades of Grey monster.

(She’s getting a little full of herself putting her own face on her next book)

Here is a link to purchase my book:

And here is another:

Did you miss it? I’ll give you a third:

You might be asking why the hell you should buy my book. Do you love your children? Didn’t think so. This book if you print it out is over 100 pages. That wastes paper. Paper coming from trees. Less trees means less oxygen. Your dumb kids will suffocate to death sooner rather than later. A perfect reason behind making this purchase. You can also smack them with the hardcopy. Children hate to be smacked. Especially by their parents. It causes them psychological damage. Boo-Hoo.

Thank you for all your continued support and readership with this blog. Without viewers like you (I feel like I should be offering you a $75 tote bag with Grover on it) I probably never would have put forth the agonizing manpower it took to complete this book. So in a way I guess you’re all coauthors. Even more of a reason to buy a copy! You will be on a best seller list. Of course we never signed any contract or anything so you will not receive financial compensation. If we ever meet in person I will be sure to give you a pat on the back. Unless you have a sweating problem. Then maybe you will have to settle for a wink in the distance.

And as a special gift (mostly to myself because I know more people will read it if they can get a free copy) I have included a code to access my book for free. I still would love a $2.99 donation. If you happen to pay full price let me know and you can decide what I spend the money on. It must be something practical like lunch or paying a Mexican coyote to smuggle me a slave into America.

All you have to do is sign up for the website at Smashwords, it’s very easy and free, then enter the code AG46L as the coupon to knock the price to nothing. I’m not sure exactly when it will be available on other sites as I did not think the Internet was so slow it would take three weeks for two websites to communicate.

As for why I chose August 9th, it just happened to be a month away from when I decided to do this gimmick. I got lucky a few strange things actually did occur on the day. Imagine how excited you would have been about this if I delivered you something you actually cared about. I am a true carny at heart.

Special thanks to Michael Cargill because without him I never would have heard of Smashwords. I will report back as soon as the book is available on other places like Barnes and Noble, Amazon, and so forth. Well, it is on Barnes and Noble but they thought the cover was so rad it didn’t deserve an actual summary.

P.S. As soon as I posted this it started to rain really hard and the lights flickered. Maybe I was onto something afterall…