Posts Tagged ‘sleepovers’

I’m participating in a blogging project. Is it a project? It’s more people just putting links places. Sounds like hard work to me. We’re supposed to write about sleepovers. I already wrote a post about that before, but felt it would be cheating to allow them to put that link up. I’ll put it up here anyway then summarize it below again for the sake of things. The strangest sleepover I had can be read here at Up All Night Giggle Fests. But I had more and here are the top 10 things that I remember from sleepovers in no particular order.

1) At one of my first sleepovers a kid with bad breath showed us his butt then we watched The Stupids and made fun of the kid who fell asleep at 8 then we all fell asleep at 9.

2) When I was sleeping over Michael Barbera’s house one time we were watching Jungle 2 Jungle. He fell asleep and his dad came over and shut the movie off while I was still awake. I pretended to be asleep after that because it would have been awkward otherwise.

1997-jungle-2-jungle-poster1

3) When I was older I was sleeping over a friend’s house. He asked me if I needed to (insert whatever your favorite term for masturbation is here) before going to bed. I told him no. He excused himself and returned 10 minutes later. He probably wanted to say his prayers in private, right?

4) I was never allowed to have friends over as a kid because my house was really gross and messy. I began house sitting frequently when I was an older teenager and I had a friend sleepover one night. He slept in the little girl’s bed. We also watched porn and laughed at it because doing anything else would be weird.

5) A lot of times I would drink at friend’s houses. I never wanted to sleep on the floor so I usually stayed up all night until I was super enough to drive home. One time a girl rested her head on my crotch and we watched 9/11 conspiracy videos on YouTube all night long. She got really fat and didn’t remember me a week later.

venturalarryking

6) One time a friend of mine at a sleepover I actually stayed at asked me if he should show his foreskin to some girl in exchange for her to show him her boobs. I told him not to and he didn’t. I have never felt so trusted.

7) When I was younger my mom was in the hospital a lot. It was unfortunate that one time when she was in the hospital my dad was away for like the only business trip he ever went on. I think it was to Baltimore. He saw Jason Giambi there. Because my parents were afraid of someone calling DYFS on them, my sister and I had to stay at a neighbor’s house. When I was sent to bed I remember waking up and crawling around on the floor for no reason at all.

jasongiambi

8) XXX***TOO EXPLICIT TO TALK ABOUT PUBLICALLY***XXX

9) One time I got home late from New York City when I was doing stand-up comedy and decided instead of driving the 30 minutes it took to get home I would just sleep in my car since I had work the next morning anyway. This wasn’t so much a sleepover as much as it was a cry for help that went ignored. I also hurt my neck trying to sleep.

10) I swear I remember one time when I brought a change of clothes and a sleeping bag over to a friend’s house expecting to sleepover and they kept hinting at me to leave. I can’t remember the particular details, but I remember the feeling of rejection and being reminded that my sleep farts were not welcome in their parent’s basement.

remember-the-time

Sleepovers, better known as up all night giggle fests, are something every child should experience. Only few times did I ever spend the night away from my own bed when I was younger. Usually whenever I did it meant one of my parents put the other in the hospital or my parents were having ravenous loud makeup sex after the one who was in the hospital had gotten out. Today I do my best to remember my first up all night giggle fest and all the crazy events that took place.

I was probably in 4th grade when I was invited to my first up all night giggle fest. It was rare I was invited to parties when I was younger because I was me. One time a classmate had a birthday party at a bowling alley. I wasn’t invited. I was so uninvited that I didn’t even know about the party. I went bowling with my family and guess who was 3 lanes over, all my friends without me. I can’t say for sure, but I’m pretty sure this was the first moment I wished the entire world dead.

earth-exploding-by-rufus-gefangenen

(Watching the earth explode and everyone on it die used to be like hardcore porn for me. Now it’s just softcore. By that I mean it’s nice but not as much fun as other possibilities)

When I got invited to this sleepover in 4th grade I felt really honored. Not too many kids were invited. After all, what parent wants a house filled with little boys running around? Sleepovers are usually limited in numbers because if you put too many young boys in a room together you get Shakespeare or however the saying goes.

This was a very humble party as far as birthday parties go. I think we ate Dominoes because they had the best commercials going at the time. Commercials only work on children. When I was younger and a commercial came on for a toy we wanted, everyone I knew would shout “I want that!” at the TV as if it would give their parents a raise where they could actually afford the toy.

Other than the food we also played the popular Madden video game. I knew nothing about football at the time. I really mean nothing. I knew it existed and I knew after games the men shower naked together. I was at a huge disadvantage when it came to knowing the actual game rules. I was at an even higher disadvantage considering the game console was one I had never played before and no one would tell me which buttons did certain things. I was playing the birthday boy and the game was a 0-0 tie with only a few seconds left. I told him “no matter who wins we both played a great game.” I distinctly remember saying that to him. He ran the ball and thinking football was like a real sport where the game ends when the clock runs out, I gave up chasing him. He scored a touchdown on the last play and won the game. He got up and did a celebratory dance. I can’t say for sure, but I’m pretty sure this was the second time I wished the entire world dead.

madden2000

(Thanks Mr. Madden. You ruined a friendship I had with a kid who had smelly breath)

The video game playing got boring so we decided to watch the classic Tom Arnold film The Stupids. Yeah, it was that kind of party. Like in any situation, we all found the weakest kid at the party and began to make fun of him. I forget what we made fun of him for, but we did it. He was also the first one to fall asleep. Why didn’t anyone teabag him? I don’t think at this point in our lives we even knew we had testicles.

Of all the unexciting things to happen at this up all night giggle fest the strangest was when we were sitting around talking about Pokemon or whatever we were talking about and the birthday boy turned around and showed everyone his ass. He didn’t even say anything. He just presented himself for us all to see for a few seconds then pulled his pants back up. He even bent over and aimed his ass toward us to let us all know his pants didn’t drop by mistake. I never had the courage to ask the guy why he did what he did. I will admit though, we all laughed at him mooning us. Something about seeing a half-Jewish boy’s ass crack was pretty funny. I don’t know if I would have the same reaction today.

alexa-vega-machete-kills

(This picture has nothing to do with this post but I have noticed whatever picture I use at the end is the one that shows up as the thumbnail on Facebook and I wanted to let more people know how hot the Spy Kids girl got. This also got me to stop thinking about little boy butts)

Have you ever been to an up all night giggle fest? Girls, tell us your best pillow fights/bicurious encounters. Guys, sit back and read what the girls say.