I’m participating in a blogging project. Is it a project? It’s more people just putting links places. Sounds like hard work to me. We’re supposed to write about sleepovers. I already wrote a post about that before, but felt it would be cheating to allow them to put that link up. I’ll put it up here anyway then summarize it below again for the sake of things. The strangest sleepover I had can be read here at Up All Night Giggle Fests. But I had more and here are the top 10 things that I remember from sleepovers in no particular order.
1) At one of my first sleepovers a kid with bad breath showed us his butt then we watched The Stupids and made fun of the kid who fell asleep at 8 then we all fell asleep at 9.
2) When I was sleeping over Michael Barbera’s house one time we were watching Jungle 2 Jungle. He fell asleep and his dad came over and shut the movie off while I was still awake. I pretended to be asleep after that because it would have been awkward otherwise.
3) When I was older I was sleeping over a friend’s house. He asked me if I needed to (insert whatever your favorite term for masturbation is here) before going to bed. I told him no. He excused himself and returned 10 minutes later. He probably wanted to say his prayers in private, right?
4) I was never allowed to have friends over as a kid because my house was really gross and messy. I began house sitting frequently when I was an older teenager and I had a friend sleepover one night. He slept in the little girl’s bed. We also watched porn and laughed at it because doing anything else would be weird.
5) A lot of times I would drink at friend’s houses. I never wanted to sleep on the floor so I usually stayed up all night until I was super enough to drive home. One time a girl rested her head on my crotch and we watched 9/11 conspiracy videos on YouTube all night long. She got really fat and didn’t remember me a week later.
6) One time a friend of mine at a sleepover I actually stayed at asked me if he should show his foreskin to some girl in exchange for her to show him her boobs. I told him not to and he didn’t. I have never felt so trusted.
7) When I was younger my mom was in the hospital a lot. It was unfortunate that one time when she was in the hospital my dad was away for like the only business trip he ever went on. I think it was to Baltimore. He saw Jason Giambi there. Because my parents were afraid of someone calling DYFS on them, my sister and I had to stay at a neighbor’s house. When I was sent to bed I remember waking up and crawling around on the floor for no reason at all.
8) XXX***TOO EXPLICIT TO TALK ABOUT PUBLICALLY***XXX
9) One time I got home late from New York City when I was doing stand-up comedy and decided instead of driving the 30 minutes it took to get home I would just sleep in my car since I had work the next morning anyway. This wasn’t so much a sleepover as much as it was a cry for help that went ignored. I also hurt my neck trying to sleep.
10) I swear I remember one time when I brought a change of clothes and a sleeping bag over to a friend’s house expecting to sleepover and they kept hinting at me to leave. I can’t remember the particular details, but I remember the feeling of rejection and being reminded that my sleep farts were not welcome in their parent’s basement.