Sleepovers, better known as up all night giggle fests, are something every child should experience. Only few times did I ever spend the night away from my own bed when I was younger. Usually whenever I did it meant one of my parents put the other in the hospital or my parents were having ravenous loud makeup sex after the one who was in the hospital had gotten out. Today I do my best to remember my first up all night giggle fest and all the crazy events that took place.
I was probably in 4th grade when I was invited to my first up all night giggle fest. It was rare I was invited to parties when I was younger because I was me. One time a classmate had a birthday party at a bowling alley. I wasn’t invited. I was so uninvited that I didn’t even know about the party. I went bowling with my family and guess who was 3 lanes over, all my friends without me. I can’t say for sure, but I’m pretty sure this was the first moment I wished the entire world dead.
(Watching the earth explode and everyone on it die used to be like hardcore porn for me. Now it’s just softcore. By that I mean it’s nice but not as much fun as other possibilities)
When I got invited to this sleepover in 4th grade I felt really honored. Not too many kids were invited. After all, what parent wants a house filled with little boys running around? Sleepovers are usually limited in numbers because if you put too many young boys in a room together you get Shakespeare or however the saying goes.
This was a very humble party as far as birthday parties go. I think we ate Dominoes because they had the best commercials going at the time. Commercials only work on children. When I was younger and a commercial came on for a toy we wanted, everyone I knew would shout “I want that!” at the TV as if it would give their parents a raise where they could actually afford the toy.
Other than the food we also played the popular Madden video game. I knew nothing about football at the time. I really mean nothing. I knew it existed and I knew after games the men shower naked together. I was at a huge disadvantage when it came to knowing the actual game rules. I was at an even higher disadvantage considering the game console was one I had never played before and no one would tell me which buttons did certain things. I was playing the birthday boy and the game was a 0-0 tie with only a few seconds left. I told him “no matter who wins we both played a great game.” I distinctly remember saying that to him. He ran the ball and thinking football was like a real sport where the game ends when the clock runs out, I gave up chasing him. He scored a touchdown on the last play and won the game. He got up and did a celebratory dance. I can’t say for sure, but I’m pretty sure this was the second time I wished the entire world dead.
(Thanks Mr. Madden. You ruined a friendship I had with a kid who had smelly breath)
The video game playing got boring so we decided to watch the classic Tom Arnold film The Stupids. Yeah, it was that kind of party. Like in any situation, we all found the weakest kid at the party and began to make fun of him. I forget what we made fun of him for, but we did it. He was also the first one to fall asleep. Why didn’t anyone teabag him? I don’t think at this point in our lives we even knew we had testicles.
Of all the unexciting things to happen at this up all night giggle fest the strangest was when we were sitting around talking about Pokemon or whatever we were talking about and the birthday boy turned around and showed everyone his ass. He didn’t even say anything. He just presented himself for us all to see for a few seconds then pulled his pants back up. He even bent over and aimed his ass toward us to let us all know his pants didn’t drop by mistake. I never had the courage to ask the guy why he did what he did. I will admit though, we all laughed at him mooning us. Something about seeing a half-Jewish boy’s ass crack was pretty funny. I don’t know if I would have the same reaction today.
(This picture has nothing to do with this post but I have noticed whatever picture I use at the end is the one that shows up as the thumbnail on Facebook and I wanted to let more people know how hot the Spy Kids girl got. This also got me to stop thinking about little boy butts)
Have you ever been to an up all night giggle fest? Girls, tell us your best pillow fights/bicurious encounters. Guys, sit back and read what the girls say.