Proud Parents

Posted: May 6, 2011 in May 2011

All a child wants is to make their parents proud. It’s a very dog like thing. Dogs want to make their masters happy. The fact that dogs have masters is a very S&M thing. No? We put chains around a dog’s neck and make it shit in public after cutting off its balls.

I like to think that I have made my parents proud. If I have then they have low standards. I haven’t achieved anything. I haven’t gotten anyone pregnant and I’ve never voted for a Republican. I don’t vote at all. I don’t like have curtains and that’s what voting machines are. They’re curtains that block your face and not your legs. If I could vote to make the curtains touch the ground I would vote for that. It would be an absentee ballot of course since the new curtains are not yet in place for me to feel comfortable to vote. After they are installed then I will vote. Still probably not for a Republican. Unless he has a funny name.

I don’t like when people say that their parents are proud of them. It’s putting words into their mouth. The same mouth that you also heard how much of a fuck-up you were. It doesn’t take much for a parent to be proud. After a couple has a baby they are proud parents. All you did was come out of a cunt. They’re proud. You did the same thing that Albert Einstein, Buzz Aldrin, and Pauly Shore did. Not sure if any of them were C-Sections. I did once hear a rumor at a truck stop that Buzz Aldrin’s mom had a tight vagina. I may have misheard though. My hearing isn’t that good. For a parent to be proud of a kid I think it takes a lot of effort. More than being born.

It’s a nice thing to hear that your parents are proud and love you. In a way it doesn’t matter if it’s true. Most parents are proud of their kids. They saw you go from a drooling infant to the piece of shit adulterer that ignores their phone calls. Parents like progress. It turns them on so much that they make a new baby. Then ignore you.

I hope one day I can be a parent. I hope that I can tell my stupid kids that I am proud of them. My only thing I will suggest to them is that they not go around gloating about how proud I am. It makes it less special.

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