Dog Bets

Posted: May 28, 2011 in May 2011
Tags: , ,

I make a lot of bets with my dog. He currently owes me every bone in the world. I told him that he wouldn’t take a poop outside. He didn’t. Now he owes me.

This morning I got in an argument with him that I am better than him in at least 20 aspects. He argued that he was better than me in at least 20 aspects. We wrestled briefly and I bit at his nose. After we caught our breath he made me a list of things that are better about his life than mine.

-Floppier ears

-Longer nails

-Can eat food off the floor without first checking for hairs

-Can walk with palms on the ground and feet on the ground without putting my ass in the air

-Children touch my head more

-I can urinate and have a bowl movement at a person’s feet

-Whenever needing to sign a card I just need to make a paw print

-Don’t use toilet paper

-Have more foreskin

-Has eaten an uncooked dead animal

-Never has to worry about his weight

-Every kind of girl thinks that he is adorable even if he does have skin tags on his stomach and a public erection

-Has never needed to purchase a linter roller

-All of my meals made for me and served in a dish

-Gets to wear a collar outside the S&M Club

(please note he stopped to take a nap at this time)

-Takes lots of naps

-Not eligible for jury duty

-And finally, only responsibility is to sit when told to do so

As you can see, my dog only managed to come up with a list of 19! That loser. Suck it you prick. I win. Learn to count you dumb dog. I’m going to smack you the next time I see you.

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