I would like to issue a formal apology to all Hindus. I completely forgot that you exist! Really, can you blame me? You haven’t done much in a while. You’ve recently been overshadowed by Muslims in recent years. It must make you feel awful.
Hindus have contributed a lot to this world and I would like to acknowledge that. They’ve sacrificed not eating cows so that we can have double cheese burgers. Us Americans would never do something like that. Especially for a group of people with a multi-armed Elephant as a God.
Of course, Hindus have also given us every joke about a dot on a head possible. That dot takes commitment. Catholics do something similar on ash Wednesday. It’s that day every spring where you walk around the city and wonder why you never noticed how many people around you had facial moles. It’s stupid. Not like Hindus. They make their dots red, like pimples. But adults don’t get pimples so you know that it’s faith that you’re looking at.
Finally I would like to thank Hindus for not being violent people. I’m sure some of you are just like how some dentists aren’t kid touchers. Your reputation is hospitable and you’ve earned this apology. So please, forgive me and let us soon not forget these valuable members of society.