Firsts

Posted: September 14, 2011 in September 2011
Tags: , ,

I’ve always wanted to be the first person to do something. Be a trend setter. Be legendary. The problem with firsts is that they are rarely remembered. Nobody has any clue who the first person to do a lot of things are. Here are a list of firsts that I would like to meet who it was.

-The first person named Trevor

-The first idiot to name their child Trevor and ask why

-The first person not to eat their young

-The first person to eat a banana

-The first person to make bananas into bread

-The first person to say “No pun intended”

 -The first Asian person -The first person to do a pushup

-The first person to refer to themselves in the first person

-The look on face of the parents of the first midget

-The first person to be kicked

-The first person to kick someone and where

 -The first person to utter a swear word and what

-The first person to trust the government

-The first redheaded person

-The first person to fall for an infomercial gimmick and what the product was

-The first person to successfully juggle

-The first person to be impressed by someone juggling

-The first gym teacher

-The first person to drink milk

-The first person to see someone die and wonder what the hell just happened

-The first person to look in the mirror and how creepy that must have been

 -The first person to kill a butterfly

-The first person to wear long pants

-The first person to get a tramp stamp tattoo

 -The first person to ride a roller coaster unsuccessfully

 -The first person to drink melted ice cream, thus creating the milk shake

-The first person to poop blood

-The first person to unsuccessfully skydive

-The first person to wave

-The first person to think that someone was waving at them, but really they were waving at someone else

-The first person to get locked in a refrigerator

-The first person to think religion was horse hockey

 -The first person to use the term “horse hockey”

 -The first person to unsuccessfully fly a plane

-The first person to start a home run trot only for the ball to be caught at the warning track

-The first person to kill an elephant to make it into a piano

 -The first Spanish person named Jesus

 -The first man to cry

-The first lesbian to rough up someone weaker than them

 -The first person to send money to a fake Nigerian prince

-The first person to tell an offensive joke

-The first person to die in a car crash after sneezing

-The first person to rub out a Charlie horse

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