Netflix Advertisements

Posted: September 16, 2011 in September 2011
Tags: , ,

 

The first time I heard of Netflix was over 5 years ago. It was more underground back then. Barely anyone I knew had an account. Flash forward and other than Redbox, they’re the only game in town outside of piracy. I don’t know about you, but I never trust a pirate. They can’t even take care of their own eyes and their parrots are always smartasses.

I used to enjoy having my Netflix account. I got rid of it 2 months ago because the new Sherlock Holmes was my next movie. Of the 400 films on my list, is that the one I really want to see the most? A misinterpretation of a classic character played by a drug addict? He was on Ally McBeal. Fuck this drunk ex-convict.

Deleting my account with Netflix was a hard thing to do only because my Internet Explorer was giving me problems. Other than that it was easy. With the recent price hikes, I felt I was more valuable to the community in martyring myself against the powers that be. This is $10 less dollars of my dad’s money that they will be getting. That’s one less cigar that the fat cats at Netflix HQ can light up. You can thank me later.

The way I see things now, Netflix is an evil company. It drove away all chances at Ma & Pa stores at doing any business. It even managed to take down the big boy, Blockbuster. Don’t you remember how great it was to go to a Blockbuster on a Friday night and they were all out of the movie you wanted to rent and you had to settle for something sub par? That was fun! Netflix has just made everything so simple and easy. I don’t like it. I like a challenge before watching my movies. I want them to mean something more outside of the production. Sadly, that’s been taken away. No more risking my life to see what Will Smith is up to. I only risk it by watching his films and having an aneurysm at the inconceivable dialogue.

Netflix has the invisible monopoly on the video rental business yet they still feel the need to advertise all over the Internet. It seems like half of the pop up advertisements are advertising for the most famous company in the world. No wonder the prices went up. They’re spending all of this cash on advertising to people who already know they exist. The only people who have never heard of Netflix are the same people who have never heard of DVDs. And those people don’t even have the Internet. I swear one day I will go back to Netflix.com and be treated to a pop up ad for Netflix.com in my stupid face. I don’t know the scientific term for this type of advertising. It’s invasive and irritating. Invasatating works.

If Netflix really wants more business they don’t need to be advertising. It gets annoying when I’m trying to look at some violent pornographic images and I’m being bombarded with them telling me to rent a Katherine Heigl movie. I’m sorry, I don’t trust people who are missing vowels in their names. That goes out to you former Minnesota Twins slugger Kent Hrbek. An extra “E” too hard to write? Eventually Netflix will probably be a stream only system and I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing. Either way, they will not be getting my business any time soon. Not until they offer me something new and valuable. Redbox is cheaper in the long run and most of them are near grocery stores which allows me to get snacks. I love snacks while watching a movie. That was another great thing about Blockbusters. Getting chocolate diabetes. And that’s what makes Katherine Heigl movies enjoyable. Looking away from the screen to eat your snacks as she clumsily falls or does whatever it is she does in her movies.

Update:

I guess this isn’t really an update. I haven’t posted this yet as most of my blogs are written like a week in advance. I have 23 pages of them right now. I like to be prepared for when I get “Writer’s Block” or just feel like a lazy asshole to come up with new ideas. Believe it or not, I am not a machine of thoughts. I am a human boy with real feelings.

There was a Yahoo article that caught my attention. It was about how a lot of people are dropping their Netflix accounts. Netflix, apparently, didn’t think this would bother people. In a country where a $5 sandwich is an amazing deal, they think they can add a third of the price onto an already amazing deal. People like their money. They like it so much that they will kill to defend it. They like other people’s money too. They like it so much that they will kill someone else for their money. I don’t think all stolen money is going straight to paying for Netflix accounts, but I’m not ruling it out either.

So what’s my update? I guess it’s that the Illuminati once again are hacking into my computer and then having their Internet scribes beat me to the punch. Illuminati, cut me a break. I figure that posting two blogs a day tops is all that I should do, otherwise it can be overkill. By the time this story surfaces, Netflix will have merged with Chase Manhattan Bank. That’s all banks do, merge. Merges are only fun on Survivor when you think someone might turn. Other than that they’re scary and probably mean a longer line at the unemployment office.

Comments
  1. malf922 says:

    I’m only commenting because I wanted an excuse to mention former NHL player Keith Tkachuk. I’m not even sure his name applies, because it’s not really skipping a vowel so much as adding unneeded letters. Oh well… Tkachuk!

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