Bigots & Hypocrites

Posted: September 17, 2011 in September 2011
Tags: , ,

Chances are you clicked on this and have now realized that the title is Bigots & Hypocrites, not Big Goats and Hippo Crates. I’m sorry. Don’t be too hard on yourself, I’ve done it before. Here’s a picture of a Big Goat to make up for it:







And here’s a Hippo Crate:









Bigots are much worse than big goats. Even worse than bigots are people who use the word bigot. Anyone who calls someone else a bigot is the biggest bigot of them all. Try saying that fives times fast. Only slightly difficult wasn’t it?

I don’t call people bigots. It’s bigoted to do. Jesus may not have been the son of God, he may not have even ever existed, but it’s true about the whole “He who is without sin shall caste the first stone.” This Jesus guy, as real or fake as he might be, has a lot of great advice. You’d almost think that he came around at a perfect time to keep people civilized. People who wouldn’t believe him unless he was the son of God. Whether you believe him or not, his advice is fucking fantastic. As far as I’m aware, Jesus was more likely a big goat than a bigot.

Similar to bigots are hypocrites. I’m not exactly sure what the different is. The way I see it, bigots think they’re better than others without proof and hypocrites will say something is bad and do it anyway. That’s how I would explain it to a Martian that crash landed on earth. The Martian would probably respond with “I don’t care, just help me. My little alien leg is stuck under this gigantic anal probe machine.” I’ll help him and then he’ll kill me. That’s hypocritical, right? I guess examples of the two would be a bigot would say they hate all tall people. A hypocrite would be a tall person who hates tall people. Those are piss poor examples, I know. Ugh these words are hard to understand and comprehend. I’ll stick with calling people that don’t agree with me assholes and liberals.

Truth is, most people don’t really understand what a real bigot or a hypocrite is. I know I sure as fuck don’t. What I do know is that they’re something you don’t want to be. They’re words that other bigots and hypocrites like to use when they know they’re wrong. So in that sense, we’re all bigots and hypocrites, sort of. We all judge others for no real good reason and can’t always admit our own faults. We’re human, big deal. There are worse things we could be. Like ants, for instance. They spend their entire little lives serving the queen. They steal picnic bread for her and get suckered into walking into traps with 6 different entrances. Ants need to form a rule that they do not enter a home if there is more than 2 ways in. But they’re stupid and worship one fat woman that gives birth to everyone. This sounds like every Alabama family I have ever seen on the news.

One thing that Jesus always preached was turning the other cheek and forgiveness. I may not be Christianity’s biggest fan, but Jesus is like my bro. As full of shit as he was at times, he was right even more. Too bad his followers are some of the biggest bigots and hypocrites. They never turn the other cheek. When there is something on television that they don’t like, they don’t change the channel. How much more similar could that get than to be turning the other cheek? They should change the channel and forgive whatever horrible thing they had just heard. That’s what Jesus would do. He wouldn’t care what was happening on TV shows that he didn’t enjoy. Jesus is a big fan of Hung and doesn’t give a fuck about Two and a Half Men. Jesus wasn’t a bigot or a hypocrite. He was just a guy who hated how big of ones we all are. So he died because he couldn’t take it anymore. Then the joke was on him. He had to come back to earth for one last fuck you to everyone. What a cool dude. I see why wayward teens and lowly housewives follow his cult.

  1. robpixaday says:

    LOL…When I first saw the title I thought it said, “Blogs and Hysterics.”

    That’s a VERY tall goat.

    Likely that Martian would be inelegantly slaughtered by an alien-hating bigot after being brutally maligned by a globe-trotting hypocrite for doing too much travelling and wasting Universal energy resources.

    Very powerful post.

    • mooselicker says:

      Haha thanks! This post has gotten far and away the most views and you are the first to comment. I actually have had hundreds and I mean hundreds get here by searching for big goats and hippo crates. So, my plan worked.

      The martians don’t know what they’ve got coming to them on this planet.

      • robpixaday says:

        Haa!! So I”m not the only person who reads the search terms that bring people in?
        Some of them are REALLY funny. Talk about bizarre word-groupings! I always imagine some bleary-eyed person sitting there, typing the into the search box, getting distracted and ending up on a page with results for things like “potato plaid earnest…”

        Yes, the porr Martians. Toast.

      • mooselicker says:

        I’m mostly freaked out that I’m averaging about 5 searches for “Mooselicker” a day. Freaked out but also flattered. That seems like a very specific thing to search for.

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