Posted: September 17, 2011 in September 2011
Tags: , ,

Whenever I see a group of friends I get discouraged. My anger comes from a lot of places. The first being jealousy. I’m jealous that I don’t have a group of friends to masturbate in a circle with. That’s what groups of friends do, right? I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had more than 3 friends at a time and none of them ever met. The second place my anger comes from is annoyance. I get annoyed at this pack of friends, dressed similarly, laughing loudly. Groups of guys are the worst. Male friends always dress the same. It’s like they’re a sports team or came from a buy one get 9 free deal on shirts. Or they accidentally put their laundry in a cloning machine. The worst thing about putting laundry in a cloning machine, it makes you stupid when you put the clothes on. That explains why guys in their puffy white shirts seem so ignorant. Now you know. The last place my anger comes from is confusion. Why would anyone want to hangout in a large group? Lets examine.

It makes a lot of sense why people group themselves together. It’s the tribal instinct that we have. The more the merrier as they say. Humans love anything that’s merry. That’s why Christmas is so popular. We like to think that we’re better than wolves, but really we’re no different except wolves usually have better hygiene than most people traveling in large groups. Have you ever smelt a wolf? It’s like smelling the elbow of God.

The biggest thing about groups that causes me confusion is the question of why you would want to ever hangout in a group. Being in a tribe is pretty much useless at this point. A gang, sure. That’s only 3 or 4. But going out on the town in groups of 8 or 34 is silly. This isn’t a birthday party. It’s you and your ugly friends going out and trying to get laid. It won’t work. Unless the Dallas Cowboys come in then you will not find a large enough group of men to take you home ladies. And unless you’re the best looking of the bunch, guys are not going to approach you. The more pussy around you, the more disgusting your pussy seems. A girl who surrounds herself with other girls in public is just a sign that she is insecure and undesired by men. Maybe try going out with a few less people and men will notice you. You will not get abducted unless you’re stupid about it and then really it doesn’t matter because you’re stupid and probably can’t reproduce. Society loses nothing and there is less traffic on the roads.

The groups that cause me the most mental anguish are the ones that consider themselves a group. The ones where they don’t have friends outside of the group and they all have a tradition like Friday night movie night or Tuesday afternoon beat up a gay kid. I think it’s great to have lots of groups of friends, but to have one is strange. Do you really do everything together? All of you? How do you learn anything new about the world? You all grew up together and share the same hobbies. It’s like hanging out with yourself but with different voices and some of them smell worse. You have to be careful having one group of friends that all hangout together. If there’s ever a car crash then the lone survivor will be left friendless. Scatter out who you interact with. Not everyone you consider a friend needs to like the same music, wear the same clothes, or even like your other friends. Stay away from getting trapped into a group of friends with that one bossy undeclared leader. It’s childish and animalistic. And you’re better than that aren’t ya stupid?

Sometimes it’s okay to leave out a friend during a fun activity. You don’t all need to do everything together. Some one-on-one time could do wonders for a friendship. You may actually get a chance to talk for once instead of laughing at a dumb joke by the “funny one” in your group. Yes, I did see that line on The Office. Funny is when people repeat things from TV. Originality is for losers.

  1. malf922 says:

    “Have you ever smelt a wolf? It’s like smelling the elbow of God.”

    I enjoyed that quote so much that I’m already thinking of a way to throw it into a conversation.

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