Posted: September 19, 2011 in September 2011
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I want to start this by mentioning this is my second attempt at writing a blog similar to this. I had three pages Courier New 12 point font of a potential blog trying to blame prohibition for Kanye West. To sum it up for you, prohibition created the Italian gangsters and black gangsters are just trying to imitate Al Capone. I don’t remember exactly where Kanye West falls in there. It just feels good to blame him for something. With my second attempt at a similar topic, I would to more focus on the gangs themselves and how, for a lack of a better vocabulary, retarded they are.

I’ve known gang members in my life. I even dated a girl who claimed to be in the Crips. She did wear blue so anything is possible. Trying to impress me, she said that for initiation, she stabbed a man outside of a Wawa convenience store. The story never made the paper and I can only assume that it was because she didn’t even break the skin with her so called stab. Or maybe she made the whole thing up. Now that I think about it, she didn’t really wear blue. It was more of an off-violet. Crap!

It’s usually easy to spot a gang member. They usually walk with a limp and don’t have a cast on their leg. Shouldn’t you be in a hurry? You’ve got an entire gang of people waiting on you. There’s no time to shuffle through life with that kind of responsibility. I sat next to a gang member on a train once and he tried talking hockey with me. It would have been like if I sat next to him and tried to answer Run DMC trivia questions. Another gang member came onto the train and stood even though there were a lot of open seats. He was limping pretty badly so I would have thought he’d like to give his bones a rest. To each his own! They began talking about gangs and how both were in the Bloods. It would have been cute if I wasn’t a teenaged white boy.

My favorite thing about gang members is the practice of “flagging.” That’s where they will have a bandana or some other type of cloth of their gang color hanging out of their already too low pants. This signifies two things. The first is it lets everyone know that you are in a gang. The second is it lets everyone know that you are ready for a spontaneous game of flag football. The most I ever let hang out of my pockets are fabric softener sheets. It doesn’t make a statement, but they smell really nice.

The whole color thing about gangs always bothered me. They blue and red? Red makes sense because they’re called the Bloods. Even though I do believe that the name came first. If they had chosen the name the Granny Smith Apples I’m sure they’d be wearing green. The color choice of gangs is usually pretty good though, I do admit. Red and blue are strong colors. Whenever I see video footage of Crips fighting with Bloods it always makes me crave blueberries and strawberries. I can’t get my mind away from fruit today.

Another encounter I had with a gang member was in New York City. The Big Apple if you will, continuing with my fruit theme. I was in Times Square and anyone who has been there knows that it’s a haven of prospective wannabes trying to force their “talents” upon you. I even worked for a year selling comedy tickets there. Lying that Dane Cook would be there, David Letterman was coming out of standup retirement, and Lenny Bruce was back from the grave to do a set on the same show as me. Along with the fools selling comedy tickets there are a lot of wannabe rappers hawking their CDs. You will be greeted with “Do you like rap music?” when they see you. I don’t know why they think anyone does. Nobody likes rap music. Even rapists don’t like it and it’s music created for them, I think. Rap is the only genre of music that rhymes with what it is, crap. This particular gang member tried to sell me his CD for $10. To show me that he was the “real deal” (his words, not mine) he rolled up his sleeve to show me a tattoo that I guess meant he was a gang member. I’m not really sure. I was getting ancy that Mama Mia tickets would sell out while I was stuck here talking to this moron. This was maybe 6 years ago and I still remember his name, Knucklehead. He actually became famous and you may know him better now as Taylor Swift.

The whole “gang mentality” still seems very primitive and tribal to me. It’s a bunch of boys hanging around trying to intimidate others who don’t own the same color shirt. I know there’s more to it. There are drugs and guns involved, but you don’t need a funny nickname or matching shirts to do those illegal things. Cut out the whole “being part of something greater” idea. You’re a menace, only slightly different than Dennis The.

I try to avoid gang members as much as possible. I don’t like anyone that puts themselves into a group. I also don’t like anyone who is too much of a pussy to get out of their car to kill someone. The only good thing to come out of drive by shootings is the line “It was a run-by fruiting” from the movie Mrs. Doubtfire. Okay, another fruit reference. It’s time to quit.

  1. Alan says:

    I was in a gang once. We all held up our jackets like birds and circled a little faggot in a playground.

  2. malf922 says:

    Gangs frighten me. Especially when they break out their switchblade knives, and form a circle around me, snapping their fingers.

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