Angels

Posted: September 22, 2011 in September 2011
Tags: , , , , , ,

My girlfriend told me that angels don’t have cocks or pussies. She didn’t exactly say it like that, she used a bigger word to describe those without a sex. Andromeda I think it was.

I don’t know why angels can’t have private parts and still be “divine.” They already do have genders. Michael and Gabriel are clearly men. If they were intended to be sexless then their names would be Jesse or Pat.

While I’m on the topic of angels, I’m going to delve deep into it. Nothing about them makes sense. They need wings to fly, when really, they shouldn’t. They should be able to float wherever they want. The wings give it away that they are angels and then that ruins the whole point of being mysterious and doing God’s work. Their big clumsy wings flutter when they walk into the room and everyone’s eyes go on them. They know a miracle is about to happen which to me makes it no miracle. A miracle cannot be planned. Otherwise it’s just a series of events and people trying really hard to make things better. I don’t believe in miracles. I believe in coincidences and people working hard to get what they want.

The scary thing about being an angel is that they have been working forever. Since the beginning of time they’ve had the same job. I get it, it’s a great gig. You have all the answers to the universe and you get to travel. Still, I wouldn’t want the same job for that long. For an eternity. I doubt there is some angel retirement plan. I don’t even know how you would create more angels since they don’t have reproductive organs. An angel can never get a blow job. Wow, I’ll take not knowing the origin of man over that.

The only way I can see more angels to be created is to kill humans and then train them. So really, the point in life is to live and hope that on the off-chance an angel is thinking about retirement, and you of all people get chosen to replace them. It has to be a really hard test too. A written and physical one that few can pass. I’d get nervous. That could be why there is so much bad in the world. Angels have been retiring and it’s really tough to find a replacement.

I don’t know what happens after we die. Surprise! The more I think about it, the more I don’t want there to be anything. I’m afraid of eternity. We can’t even grasp what eternity is. It’s forever. Julius Caesar, Mark Twain, Ken Griffey VIII, the first human to walk on two legs, all of these people will live in an eternity and that’s not even all of it. An eternity is so long. I couldn’t possibly figure out what to do in an eternity. Not only that, it’s an eternity without a real mission. At least in life we get careers and try to make the best of the time we do have, most of us. In an eternity we have an eternity to get off our asses and try to do something. We’ll become lazy and nothing will ever be accomplished. I don’t want to live in an eternity. That sounds so frightening to me. My hope is that when we die we are transported to an alternative universe. Kind of like a video game sort of thing. This life is just round one. Maybe round two we get to live it over again and make different decisions. I could do that. Even if I didn’t know that was how it worked I could go for that instead of an eternity that leads to nothing. Bring on the 5th dimension. There are no winged buffoons there.

Comments
  1. I like to lick Gene Roddenberry’s Andromeda

  2. malf922 says:

    I always thought unicorns were horse angels. That’s my contribution to your post.

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