Posted: October 10, 2011 in Uncategorized
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The first sign of a redneck is owning a Larry the Cable Guy plush doll. The second, thinking that everyone in the United States of America should speak English. The third, having sex with your sister while denouncing the existence of dinosaurs. Lets stick with number two.

I would love it if everybody spoke English. Things would be so much easier. Bilinguals wouldn’t be all hoity-toity about getting paid $1.50 more an hour to do phone interviews and we could finally all understand what Vietnamese women really think about your gross feet. But things aren’t that way nor should they be. At least, not here.

The United States has no official language. There also is no official religion. Despite that, Miguel Hernandez who follows the Islamic faith for some strange reason despite growing up in a Dominican household, could never be president. He does not speak English and does not believe that Jesus died for our sins. Miguel doesn’t want to be president though. He doesn’t even want to be president of his own lawn mowing business. He’s just fine with having an opportunity to make a living for his family. Miguel probably never should be president. For one, he’s made up. I’m sure there are men named Miguel Hernandez, but I am talking about a fictional man by that name. Just clarifying to get lawyers off my backs. Not that Miguel can afford a lawyer let alone a computer. Maybe he should be an American dick and nag his boss for a raise.

In some countries I do believe that an official language can be enforced. Sometimes with brute force, other times with a kindly reminder. England can have English be the official language. They’re the same word and mean the same thing, pasty and negative. If whoever the dictator of England is wanted to send whoever spoke another language to the gallows, I would have no problem with it. Everybody knows what they were getting into by going there.

The same goes for Spain. If you don’t speak Spanish then you have to fight a bull. But in Mexico you can speak whatever you want. Don’t give me that “Mexican Spanish” crap. It’s the same thing. In Japan you have to speak Japanese and in Canada you don’t have to know a lick of French. It’s all in the name that should matter.

Even in the US I do think that foreigners need to learn some English if they will be interacting with English-speaking clients or “guests” as many businesses say. Whenever I am truly a guest somewhere then it means that I was invited. Open invites don’t count. Nobody ever uses them until they have a drug problem. If you work a job where you have to deal with customers, you should at least know all of the words that will be involved in the job. I was at a Subway restaurant and the man taking the orders didn’t know the different kinds of chicken or bread. He knew well enough to wear a Philadelphia Flyers cap in South Jersey, but not the difference between Wheat Bread or Italian Herbs and Cheese. That’s important to my sandwich experience. He had to learn maybe 10 words total and he even would get images of what they look like. It’s not that hard buster. Shave your mustache and learn 10 words to make my experience better. Quit holding up the line!

I get why people want everyone to assimilate to our culture. The biggest problem is that we have no real culture outside of what the media tells us it is. The United States is just a bunch of dumb people in all shapes, sizes, colors, creeds, religious affiliations, and we all hate people who are different from us. That’s not what America is about. America is about accepting others. The Pilgrims came over here from England to escape religious persecution. Who is more welcoming than fascist religious people in large buckles? You tell me.

  1. I got goosebumps every time the word ‘England’ or ‘English’ appeared there. I nearly peed myself in excitement when you said ‘dictator of England’ because that is what I want to be when I grow up.

  2. hey, great blog! love it 🙂

  3. The people who really bother me are the ones who complain about the option to hear information in Spanish when calling a company. By hearing, “Press 1 for English, Press 2 for Spanish,” they believe that their time is being wasted, and they become outraged. Sorry for ranting on your post!

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