I woke up sad this morning. Actually, it wasn’t today. I’ve mentioned before that I write many of my blog postings ahead of time. So by this morning, I mean the morning that I am writing this. Actually, it’s around 6:30 now. But you don’t care about that.

For the sake of moving things alone, lets say that it was THIS morning that I woke up sad. It was a strange sadness. I didn’t have work or really any other responsibilities that I saw that I had to get done. Yet I still felt terribly depressed. What I felt I needed was comfort. Some sort of reminder of why I’m here and something to make me feel good. Because of that I am writing this, a list of things that bring me comfort.

1) Nostalgic Children’s Shows

Any time I think of television shows I watched as a kid I feel really warm and fuzzy. It’s what I imagine a hairy vagina must feel like if it had emotions. If the Illuminati work with Disney, expect a film about a group of talking vaginas to come out within the next two years. Even later on when I was way too old to watch some of these kids shows I still would. Arthur is one show that comes to mind that I watched consistently and would still probably watch if I had cable. I’ve seen most of the episodes probably close to 100 times and sometimes twice in one day. It’s comfortable and predictable. It brings me back to when my classmates didn’t have pubic hair and the only periods we knew about came at the end of sentences.

At the end of last year and the beginning of this, I got onto a huge television kick. From Netflix I rented The Adventures of Pete & Pete and then Gargoyles. Very different shows, but they brought me back to those same feelings that I reminisce about. Pete & Pete was quirky and had a lot of humor that I still don’t understand. Gargoyles was a Disney cartoon where at least one human was killed an episode. It’s the greatest cartoon of all-time and still hasn’t been matched in how continuous the storylines are or how epic it’s opening theme was. I almost wanted to cry watching it as it was Little Timmy’s favorite TV show when I was a mere 5-year-old. That delves into the idea that I wish I could be friends with myself from every year of existence and say “Hey, it’s going to be all right.” Insane, I know.

2) Zoos

I used to go to a lot of zoos when I was a kid. Shit, this is starting to turn into how everything that brings me comfort is just something that reminds me of my childhood. My childhood wasn’t fantastic, but I was never physically abused so I guess I shouldn’t complain. Zoos are still fun to go to. I went to one last year for my birthday. I love looking at animals. They’re quickly becoming a hobby of mine. They’re like celebrities but they all have the same things wrong with them. I really need to read more about weird animal facts.

The best thing about zoos are the areas where you get to pet or feed the animals. I’ve gotten to feed a giraffe which is probably the most interesting animal that I have fed. I’ve also tossed popcorn to bears and at lions at a place I used to always go to where you can feed animals popcorn. How amazing is that? Feeding grizzly bears popcorn. If that doesn’t bring you comfort then you have no heart.

3) Smiles

Whenever a stranger smiles at me I feel comfortable. That is, if it’s the right kind of smile. We know the difference between a good smile and a bad one. It all really matters if the person smiling is attractive or not. When a big fat girl smiles at me and I’m still not sure if she’s retarded or not, I feel no comfort. I feel fear and usually frown back. It’s a sure-fire way to let that animal know that you have no interest in feeding them a carrot (that’s what I fed the giraffe!)

With smiles I also would loop in compliments. Any friendly, unsolicited interaction with another human being is great. People coming up to me and saying that I look good or that they’ve seen worse always cheers me up. It makes me smile. Then they judge me if I’m attractive or not and that will determine if they feel comfort.

4) Books

This is a strange one. I don’t read all that much yet when I do I get a lot of comfort out of the books. I’d love to read more, but I just never seem to have the time. I’m always trying to write stuff of my own and that seems to take up all of my creative time that I use for words. The other creative time I use on trying to develop new sexual positions and acts to partake in. Once I learn to stand on my head and am flexible enough to eat my own ass, I will be an Internet sensation.

I’m hoping that once baseball season officially ends I will get more into reading. I’m not a super sports fan or anything, but not having cable I use listening to sports on the radio as a way of “keeping up with live reality.” It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t live without cable. I can get lost in time. If I have something scheduled that I cannot partake in any other time then I feel more normal. Books take me completely out of that normal feeling, which is good sometimes. Time is relative. That’s why when we’re around shitty people it feels like years instead of 30 seconds.

5) Snow

I live in an apartment now and they shovel all of the snow for me. Other than having to dig my car out, snow isn’t a problem at all. My car is all wheel drive so it handles well in the wintry goodness. Even if I do spin out, what’s the worst that will happen? I’ll land on some snow and feel happy.

Everyone clinging to their childhood (myself included) love snow because we associate it with getting off from school. I still get depressed Sunday nights because it makes me think of how I would feel when I’d have a great weekend of not leaving the house and then have to go back to school the next day. Snow’s the same way. It reminds me of Christmas and I love Christmas. I get presents and have an excuse to eat pie. If I was Jesus I would have been born in February. Winter is so depressing after Christmas when there isn’t any snow. It’s just cold. If we had Christmas in February then it would be right in the middle of the season and it wouldn’t feel so long. Or let’s have two Christmas holidays. I could go for that.

Comments
  1. malf922 says:

    Your posts always make me laugh. And for some reason I especially enjoy the random tags you throw in there. “Chinese inventing gunpowder” got a chuckle out of me.

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