I know a lot of stupid people. I’d probably never tell them to their face. It’d be a waste of time because they probably wouldn’t understand it anyway. Dumb people never know that they’re dumb. And they always complain about other dumb people. Hey, maybe I’m dumb.

I don’t consider myself brilliant by any means. Please. Please. Spare me the compliments. It’s impossible to tell whether you really are smart or not. The mentally retarded might think they’re geniuses. Like how most people think they’re funny and how most girls think they’re fat, I believe that most people think that they are indeed smart.

So, I’ve been trying to come up with a standard to measure smarts. You can’t say the SATs have any merit. I didn’t study for them and did much better than some kids who got much better grades and I did much worse than kids who continue to make the same mistakes even years later. That doesn’t sound very smart to me. Making the same errors you did back in high school. Shouldn’t you have grown as a person?

My new definition of smart is very simple. I’ve accounted for all of the factors, mixed a few potions, pushed a few buttons on a machine that does nothing, and have come to a conclusion on what smart really is. Being smart is knowing your own weaknesses. That is what I have come to believe.

We all have weaknesses. Some of us more than others. I’m looking at you smelly. Being to identify those weaknesses is vital for any situation, especially when you want to look smart. You see, if you have a weakness and you let that weakness be seen all of the time, you’ll look dumb. For example, I can’t sing. If I always tried to sing, went out to open mikes or called my family over to watch me perform, they’d think I was dumb. I’m dumb for thinking that I can do something that I clearly can’t. Knowing that I am diaphragm challenged (the part of the body that you’re supposed to sing from, not the vaginal condom) helps me to move on and show off my strengths rather than my weaknesses. People see what I’m good at and think “Christ, that son of a bitch is one smart motherfucker” in those exact words.

There isn’t much that I’m all that great at. That’s why I don’t do much. I’ll keep to myself and hide away from others. That way, when people talk about me they’ll take notice that they never see me fuck up. They’ll think that I never do. And smart people never make mistakes. If they did, they wouldn’t be very smart now, would they?

I don’t so much care about being considered smart as much as it would bother me if people thought I was stupid. I guess I’m in between. I don’t make silly mistakes and I never blow anyone away with incredible knowledge other than facts about state birds. Even that subject is a bit foreign to me. I’ll assume the oriole is the state bird of Maryland because of the baseball team. Just like how the Blackhawk is the state bird of Chicago.

The way I believe I am perceived is that I’m smarter than I really am. But as I said at the start of this, I know a lot of stupid people. Why would people think a dumbass like me was so smart? Because I have an opinion on things and can debate it, even when I know I’m wrong. In a different world where you don’t have to read books or memorize things, I would make a great lawyer. Of course, law also wouldn’t exist much. It would just be me yelling about the ends justifying the means. So that skill is pretty useless except for tricking dumb people into think I’m smarter than I really am.

I guess though it doesn’t really matter if I’m smart or dumb. We all have our moments of brilliance and our brain farts as well. But knowing your weaknesses and helping to eliminate them will not only make you appear smarter, it will make you smarter. It’s easy to change the world. The hard part is changing yourself.

  1. Mike Toft says:

    Just remember, I got the same degree you did from highschool. kgjoireahgiohej4tg (that was me biting the keyboard because I thought it was a large Hershey bar. Get it? I’m fat and retarded.)

  2. Mr.America says:

    ACC Conference? What a joke!

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