Posted: October 29, 2011 in Uncategorized
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People still go to Britney Spears concerts. I know, shocking. Britney Spears first fell onto my radar in 4th grade. A boy who was obsessed with Tara Lipinski said that if he could have a threesome it would be with both of them. I saw his dad chase him with a lawn mower one time. I don’t know how his life turned out. He moved the next year. I like to think that he has grown out of loving Britney Spears like the rest of us should.

It’s strange that lip-synchers who were popular 10-15 years ago can still be popular today. Didn’t 9/11 teach us anything? We need to move forward and not dwell on the past. I mean, I love old music. New music blows. But Britney Spears? She was never good. Hot, yes. In her prime there was no one better. Then she turned 18 and yuck. She’s a crazy mess.

As much as I enjoy old music, I wouldn’t go see an old band in concert. Fans who still go to see the Rolling Stones aren’t going for their new duds. They go for the old hits. The relive the memories. That’s fine. At least they really do sing and actually play their instruments. Britney Spears is a dancer who got fat. How does a dancer get fat? By not doing their job well enough. I don’t dance much, but when I do, I sweat. I sweat so much that nobody wants to dance with me. I ruin the vibe and the club shuts down due to poor business. Really, I would never dance at a club. I might look fine until one Spanish guy shows up and can roll his tongue and shake his hips to the beat. I also don’t like fedoras. I think it’s because I was ripped off by a paper boy in a past life.


I hope that one day I can be famous and talented for two years. Then I want to have a nervous breakdown and get really fat and gross looking. After some rehab, I’d like to come back and do the same shit that I used to do. I want everyone to be able to admit that I suck and will never be as good as I used to be. Fans will flock to see me anyway. Evolution takes millions of years. 15 down, 999,985 to go before people stop paying attention to washed up pop singers.

“Crack that whip!” – Devo and Sojourner Truth’s cruel master

  1. Lafemmeroar says:

    Oh the Spears Devolution. You know if someone had bad eye sight you think those two blondes would be indistinguishable?

  2. mooselicker says:

    Most blondes do look alike. They also act alike. And wear the same clothes. Shit. I think there’s only one blonde woman that exists.

  3. robpixaday says:


    Cogent assessment of the situation.
    And now you’ve made me think of Dancing With the Stars…ewww?

    Wait. You were in 4th grade when you first heard about Britney Spears? I don’t think Britney Spears’ parents were alive when I was in 4th grade. Spears hadn’t even been invented when I was in 4th grade. People were still bopping each other on the head with clubs.

    Speaking of clubs…
    Just did a search and discovered that her parents were born in 1952 and 1955 (assuming they’re telling the truth). From my cohort. ::sigh::

    Gosh. You’re young. Plenty of time to be famous and talented for two years.

    • mooselicker says:

      She was in a Scholastic Magazine that they made us read. That edition was our first introduction to soft core porn, by 4th grade standards.

      I doubt you’re THAT old. 40’s the new 30. 50’s the new 40. And just incase you’re even older, 60’s the new 50. Rodney Dangerfield didn’t become famous until he was in his 50s. The same goes for the oldest man alive. But I guess he’s only famous for being old. Bad example!

  4. John says:

    Dancers may not get fat, then again BS is not a dancer.

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