Versatile is a word I’ve used yet am not quite sure the definition of. Using an old trick, I will try to break down the word to figure it out. The first part, “vers” is similar to “verse”. A verse is a part of a song. Next is the “a”. That means single. A singular verse. Then there’s the end of the word. The “tile”. A tile is something that is placed on the ground, usually a kitchen to prevent macaroni from staining the floor. Putting it all together, the definition of versatile means something completely different from what I think it does.
I am the proud recipient of a Versatile Blogger Award. I’m not here to brag, gloat, dance, shove you over with a smile, or do anything else that I do when rubbing something in your face. I’m simply here to tell you that I am so talented, that another blogger has decided that I deserve an award for it. My 11th grade lesbian English teacher who gave me an F on that paper I wrote comparing bans on sugary snacks to Communism, eat your heart out. Right after you finish munching on that carpet, of course.
(The award that was mailed to me, created to my likeness. Still not sure why I’m wearing a large boxing glove and going in for an uppercut)
I received this award from a fellow blogger, Kana Tyler. She’s much better at writing than I am, puts up more relevant pictures along with the effort, and has a lot more people who follow her and care what she has to say. That’s why this award is worth something. With 500-something people following her, I was one of the 15 who inspire, captivate, and make your day a little more tolerable. Coming from someone as talented as her, I am honored to not throw this award in the trash like I had planned to if ever received an award. I plan to do that in 2024 when I win a Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Award after selling out my edgy image and making films about talking sunglasses.
But that’s not it. Turns out, I received this award from someone else as well, The Unknowledge Tree. He was lazy enough to not tell me that I was a big award winner. I had to find out after I got a shit-ton of views via his blog. Hey, I’ll take it. Especially from someone who not only writes tremendous thoughtful blogs that are really funny and original, but also has cartoons that go with them. Cartoons are awesome and I can never hate a cartoonist. Jim Davis, creator of Garfield, helped save my grandfather’s life at Iwo Jima. I might not exist if it wasn’t for cartoonists. It feels great to get an award from two people whose posts that I actually do enjoy reading. I mean that with all sincerity. I probably wouldn’t mention the person at all if I thought they were absolute shit and that’s how you can know that I really do find them entertaining.
(My second award given to me showcasing my desire to commit suicide by jumping off a tall building. Still waiting ont he personalize plate which was not included)
I am now officially a two-time Versatile Blog Award Winner. Still not quite sure what that means, but I do know that it’s good. Looking at a ranking of awards, I can see that it’s better than a Razzie, but not quite as good as a Nobel Peace Prize. As long as it’s better than Student of the Month, it’s the most valuable award that I have ever won.
Now with this award comes some responsibility. I am supposed to nominate 15 more blogs for this award. 15 is hard to come up with. Plus, I’m always plugging away your stupid blogs anyway. I will forgo that part of the award. Check out my blogroll for some awesome blogs if you‘re disappointed. They’re the ones I check out the most. Also check out my previous blogs for links to other subscribers of mine whom I enjoy reading. My award might be stripped from me for not doing this part of it and that scares me. Letting you know, I will defend this title with my life. I’m stocked up on canned goods and ammunition. I don’t have any guns, but I can throw bullets pretty hard; overhand, underhand, and submarine style like Dan Quinnsenberry.
Another part of this award is giving 7 facts about yourself. That’s easier. 7 is smaller than 15. Unless you’re playing golf. Or on Jupiter. I can do that.
Fact 1: Old timey music from the 1920s creeps me out. Everyone who wrote, mixed, and played that music is now dead. So are most people who listened to it when it first came out. Freaky shit.
Fact 2: The first book I ever read was about a moose. Maybe that’s where the name of this blog comes from. It was called Morris Goes to School, about what the title suggests. I still have two copies. One for bedtime reading, one for toilet time reading.
Fact 3: I was on something called “The Math Olympiads” in 5th grade. It was something that all 30 of the 90 kids I the grade that were in the advanced math class participated in. I had the shirt up until a few years back where I gave it to Goodwill. They banned me from donating anything further.
Fact 4: When I was in 2nd grade, I pooped my pants at a park. My mom had to clean my ass in the back seat. She was going to do it in the woods, but some hikers passed by. That’s why I hate hippies. Always nosy trying to look at children’s asses.
Fact 5: I was on the high school football team for exactly one practice. I didn’t have a uniform yet because I was on vacation the first week of practice. The warm-ups got me too tired. One of that fat coaches literally made me fetch items for him. Fuck that guy. Get your own damn insulin.
Fact 6: I cry a lot. I mean, it’s insane how much I cry. I went 4-5 years without crying. Now whenever I watch a season finale, I get watery eyed. It’s like the ending of a part of me. I should get into Soap Operas. They never end. I’ll stop crying.
Fact 7: I have never been punched. Check out my arms and my awesome skill-set of karate moves. I dare you to try to hit me.
So, I guess that’s it. Other than half-assing my award, I succeeded in filling out the rest of my duties. As cynical as I might be at times, it actually did make me smile to win an award, no matter how meaningless it might seem to be. It’s acknowledgement that I’m not completely wasting my time here. Maybe someday, you too can be blessed with talent and become the recipient of a major award, much like myself. Really though, I don’t have a single frequent reader who I think doesn’t have something interesting to say. Keep it up guys. I enjoy reading what you say just as much as you enjoy reading one paragraph of what I say and then commenting on that hoping that your comment will get you more views.