They love the Cure, black fingernails, Wednesday Addams, and crows. They’re goth girls. Girls who have a darker side to them. They write poetry, listen to music when they’re sad, cut their arms to feel something, and have had a phase of wearing boy’s clothes. Goth girls are great.
I have always had an attraction to goth girls. There are many reasons for it. For one, they have low expectations of everything. They’re beaten down by the world already. They have THE SILENT SOUL!!! Normally I don’t like negative attitudes. Especially from women. It scares me. I think that if they can criticize a puppy’s face then they can certainly find something wrong with me.
(“Disgusting!” – Goth Girls)
When I say goth, I don’t necessarily mean what you think I do mean. I want to use the term a little more loosely, if that’s okay with you. Goth to me is anything with a dark edge. Fans of metal music are goth to me. You might be sitting there in your mom’s basement, in your Slipknot t-shirt, eating Doritos thinking that you’re not goth. You are. Emo kids are goth too. They wear big coats with large buttons, a surefire sign that you have a gothic edge to you. Emo kids never claim to not be goth. They don’t really care what you call them. Just don’t mistake emos boys for girls and emo girls for boys. It’s an easy mistake to make, but make sure you don’t do it.
With all that said, I think I should praise goth girls a bit. I love their variety of styles. Goth girls come in so many different varieties. Some have goofy colored hair. Some have so much makeup on that they look like ghosts. Then there are other ones who look normal then you see them wearing some silly contraption like a giant bracelet with spikes or a belt buckle shaped like a steak. Goth girls have great senses of humor. They really don’t care what you think about them. Well actually they probably do. But try getting one to admit it! You can’t. Their lips are sealed. Black lipstick must be made out of glue.
My favorite of the goth girls are the ones that shouldn’t be goth. The kind of girls that should be preppy and spit at me when I try to ask them to prom. Those are my favorite. The ones with a little pit of a punk rock edge to them. Think Avril Lavigne without a long face. Does she have a long face? I’m not sure. My memory says she does. She’s missing something. Like I wouldn’t tap that anyway. She’s famous! I’d do it with anyone famous. For the story and the chance to be involved in a big Hollywood murder. You never know these days.
(According to my calculations, Avril Lavigne has a face over 5 feet in length)
There’s only one goth girl that I have ever fallen in love with. She was a beautiful Spanish girl who asked me if I knew where she could get tickets to Lamb of God. I melt just thinking about it. I’m not a fan of Lamb of God or anything. But knowing that this adorable brown-skinned specimen finds it entertaining to listen to loud obnoxious music with no real lyrical theme to it makes my heart skip a beat. I didn’t know where she could get tickets and she left me forever. I asked her where she was from and she said the town of Wayne, New Jersey. Ahhh Wayne. A town with the most beautiful goth girls in the world. The name says it all.
(Wayne gives his approval for Goth Girls from the city of Wayne)
The goth looks is more popular than ever. There’s actually famous people who will dress up as such and are no longer made fun of like they would have been in the 90s. It’s okay to wear a t-shirt with a tie around your neck. Nobody thinks twice if you wear a sexy short skirt with steel skeletons on the edges. Goth is mainstream.
Thanks to Hot Topic being in every mall, Goths have a place to go and say “This place used to be cool.” I mean come one, they sell Justin Bieber shirts there. How punk can that be?
I still go into Hot Topics whenever I can in the hopes of meeting my future wife. Or maybe just a future girl to obsess over and fantasize about. I love goth girls. Everything about them. From their unique hair, to their tight leather clothing, to their negligent attitudes about life. I love it. Keep it up goth girls. I’m here to comfort you whenever you need me.