Another product who sells itself under false pretenses. There is nothing magical about a magic marker. Sure, they can be used as wands or disappear up my asshole, but so can bananas. There’s no such thing as a magical banana. At least not yet. We still have a few islands to explore further. Once we do I’m hoping for a Yahoo article about how they have discovered bananas with the power of flight.

Shouldn’t magic markers do something more than mark? They should be erasable or turn colors when you tilt the paper. That’s very simple magic, very possible magic. It’s not much to ask for. Some sort of magic. Any kind would make the name worth it.

I haven’t used a magic marker in years. Not since Harry Potter came out. They probably went up in price then. Capitalizing on the fad that was. Magic markers would be a great investment if I ever wanted to play the stock market. They always seem to run out and the users of the magic markers need to buy new ones. There’s a word for that. Or maybe it’s two words with a hyphen between them. It’s building a device that will break on purpose for the sole reason that you’ll have to get a new one. I call it shitty craftsmanship, but I know there’s another term that you can use around a grandmother.

The problem with magic markers is that they have the monopoly on markers. Maybe that’s what their magical power is. Being able to control the market. Sharpies are way better than magic markers anyway. They’re much more permanent and smell nice. Have you ever tried getting high off a magic marker? You can’t. Sharpies are definitely the felt tipped pens for those who like to experiment with the death of their own brain cells. I once fell down after sniffing a Sharpie it hit me so hard. That was the end of my drug days and the beginning of my rehab ones.

My biggest pet peeve with these shitty coloring devices is that you can’t actually color with them. Coloring with one causes a strange and annoying sound. You have to hold the marker at its side and then your teacher yells that you’re doing it wrong.

I hate magic markers. My pictures will remain colorless and plain. Snowmen and non-bloody avalanches are the only thing I will be drawing from now on. Sorry for spoiling your Christmas card. Got a problem with that? Blame magic markers!


1) I’ve been slacking off and reading the blogs of my followers, sorry about that. I’ll hop to it soon!

2) I’m less than 50 views away for the day to be my old record and that’s before even posting anything for the day. Suck it magic markers. I am more magical than you. (69 people have looked up the image of a hippo crate on Google and come here, strange)

3) While spell checking, I had no errors or suggestions. More magic from me. (then I went and typed Mooselicker, fuck)

Mooselicker – 2     Magic Markers – 0

  1. BuddhaKat says:

    my favorite ones are the ones that smell REAL strong – not the sissy scented ones, the heavy odiferous ones that get you high…:)
    PS: planned obsolescence (no hyphen)
    good thing I changed you to daily email notification, or I might not have read this (click-view)(+comment) until tomorrow…

  2. Magic Markers! Arrrgggh. Bleeding through pages, the line is either too fat or too thin, runs out after you already done 95% of project and now you can’t match that color to finish it…and smudgy fingers! Ah the memories. thanks for the funny post

  3. tootsiewoo says:

    You are so right, magic markers blow. Sharpies are obviously the superior writing utensil (utensil?) and they are what they say they are, sharp. suck it, magic markers. And you always smear on the side of my hand making it look like I have a rainbow skin disease.

    • mooselicker says:

      I hate that side pinky ink stain. I get it from everything. I think I just have weak hands and need to learn to stop dragging them along the pages.

      Sharpies are so great. I love using them to autograph the shirts and foreheads of strangers.

  4. All I ever use is a black Bic ballpoint.

  5. What actually is a magic marker anyway? Is it just a permanent marker pen?

    • mooselicker says:

      They’re not even that permanent, that’s the thing. You can most certainly clean them off of clothes, maybe that’s the magic behind them?

      Realistically they’re what children chew on at a young age when they should be coloring pictures of their divorced parents happy together. Be thankfully you don’t know what they are. Having used them plenty, I compare it to seeing your family murdered in front of you. Impossible to forget and hard to understand unless it happened to you.

      Yeah, I’m overdramatic today.

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