The Doors

Posted: November 23, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

One band that gets too much credit is The Doors. They are remembered as being so amazing. I wasn’t alive back when they were together. I’m not an old hag, like you. Why are you dressed like that? You’re not 16! On that same note, why are 16 year olds wearing shirts with Jim Morrison on them? First off, I don’t like seeing men’s nipples. Jim Morrison was always shirtless. I give him credit, for a drunk who pranced around and was fortunate enough to have a nice voice, he never really let himself go and get fat. I thought drinking beer made you fat. Another government lie. The show Manswers proved that it doesn’t make you fat. They know everything that a man wants to know. Unless your thought process goes further than beer, boobs, and beating your wife. Spike TV, for men who slug their wives then eat pork grinds.

(Jim Morrison clearly not in a cold room)

Did you know that The Doors didn’t even have a bass player? How do you call yourself a band without a bass player? Even Hannah Montana has a bass player. And she’s two people. I know Morrison had his alter ego Mr. Mojo Rising. He didn’t go to the trouble of wearing a blonde wig to try to fool his fans and that’s why Billy Ray’s daughter gets the nod in this feud.

They do have a few songs that I like. You know, the ones that don’t sound like them. Morrison was a poet first and foremost. At least, that’s what I learned from the movie about his life. He also looked a lot like Val Kilmer. “The End” is a great song. It’s about 18 minutes too long, but I remember listening to it on the radio while driving in a snow storm a few years ago. I felt like I was going to die and this would have been the perfect song to go out to. I didn’t and now I have to fear dying to something less poetic like a new Daughtry hit. Do the songs he comes out with count as hits? I usually hit my face into the steering wheel and question God when I hear it. Not sure if that counts.

Also, you’re not cool if you know who The Doors are. They’re mainstream. There’s been a movie about them, a professional wrestler who uses a Jim Morrison gimmick, and they always have lots of shirts at Hot Topic. There are plenty of other great older bands that you can check out. Don’t lock yourself into this one because “my dad liked it” or “you love the keyboard chorus” or “your first ass licking session took place with LA Woman on the radio.” Who eats ass with the radio on? Come on!

But none of that is what I wanted to discuss. Sorry for wasting your time. I wanted to talk about doors in general. You know, those barricades for neighbors. I once heard a woman say “Doors are bad. We should let our neighbors in. Not keep them out.” This statement led her to taking away the doors to her home. Soon after she had her home broken into, all of her items taken, and she died of the draft of cold air that had previously been blocked by the door. A sad story. If you don’t believe me, look it up on the Internet. You’re already there, lazy.

I always hold doors open for strangers. For girls and the elderly, I always will go out of my way for them. Even guys sometimes. Does that make me bisexual? And because I do it for the elderly, does that make me a necrophiliac?

It’s a popular opinion to dislike those who do not hold open doors for others. I feel no ill will for those people. They’re in a rush. You have two arms. You could easily open that door just as easy. And when the doors slam into your face and break your nose, remember, broken noses eventually heal. Quit complaining about those busy men and women who are too important to be kind and hold open the doors. If the store wanted them holding open doors for strangers, they would get automatic doors.

And that my readers is what I want to point out. Automatic doors are the most laziest, germaphobic, laziest, self-important, laziest reason why people in the third world hate us. I don’t see what’s wrong with having one of those cowboy doors. The saloon ones that you can walk into and they open. I love those doors! I want to live in a home with them one day. It’ll make me feel like Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, or Emilio Estevez. Emilio was in Young Guns after-all. He counts as a cowboy.

(Ledger might have broken the backs of mountains, but Estevez broke the box office with his cowboy portrayal)

The only real reason for writing all of this was an experience I had recently. I was holding a door open after exiting a train. The man behind me decided that it be better that he use the adjacent door than the one that I had been holding. It was annoying. Here I was, standing like a helpful ass, signaling for him to enter the same passageway as myself. He chose not to. I let go of my door and continued on. Perhaps he’s a reverse feminist where he gets offended by men holding doors open for other men. That’s my theory at least.

“When one door closes, lock it. This is a bad neighborhood.” – Motivational Phrase about moving on

P.S. Happy Thanksgiving to my America friends, thanks for the religious persecution to my English friends, and for those of you not from America or England, you are not my friend.

(Slumdog Millionaire Kid, an enemy of mine)

  1. Becoming Bitter says:

    Hmm… and here I thought chivalry was dead. You proved me wrong Moose. By the way, I like automatic doors because I am a germaphob. You would be too after you take medical microbiology. There is some nasty shit people “leave” on handles and door knobs. I’m going to make a post about that someday (someday in the far future). I really don’t give two shits about whether a third world country hates mine. I’m American and proud of it. Born and raised here. People from my parent’s native country hate us, but again I don’t care. I’m an insensitive bitch like that.

    • mooselicker says:

      Maybe I shouldn’t have called them Third World. If you have the Internet and knowledge of what’s going on around the planet, I have a hard time associating you with those typical images of that world with crying children and brown water. I think at this point the Third World has become 1983. Those kids love their Dr. J jerseys and action figures from the show Dallas.

      • Becoming Bitter says:

        Like I sort of hinted at…part of my family came from a third world country. This is your blog – your piece of the world. You can call them whatever you want. Hey Moose I need your opinion on something. Hop on over to my blog and tell me what you think of my new banner. If you have any suggestions to make go on right ahead.

  2. Becoming Bitter says:

    Satan + Trench coat = Got it. Thanks Moose for your opinion. My blog needs to start reflecting the level of bitter and badass I am. Keep blogging, but put a warning if you’re going to talk about anal sex or gay/lesbo sex. Makes me hurl. I have a sensitive stomach.

  3. The Doors are awesome! I know a few people that dislike them too, mainly because they think it’s not cool to like a band that people think is cool to like. The keyboardist, Ray Manzarek, plays the bass with his left hand and right foot (using a bass pedal) during live performances, and they always had session bassists popping in for their studio recordings. Jim Morrison actually had a pretty shit voice, it was just unique and memorable, and it worked considering he was trying to fuse rock with poetry – usually that only worked in jazz and you had to have a real pussy voice to pull it off. The band were great cos back then, and even now, no band was really like them, they did something completely new. Also Robby Krieger (the guitarist) was a classical guitarist and had never touched an electric guitar prior to the doors, his guitar runs are out of this world! Try listening to a few more of their songs if you haven’t already, I would suggest Soft Parade, Five to One, Queen of the Highway, Not to Touch the Earth just to name a few!

    • mooselicker says:

      The only one of those I’ve ever heard of was Five to One. I’ll give them a shot. It’s more fans of The Doors that I hate than the actual band. They’re catchy, but it feels like they’re only famous because their singer would flash his penis at concerts. I mean, I like to see a penis every now and again, but there is a thing as too much of a good thing.

  4. John Morrison is the spitting image of Jim Morrison, hence the stage name.

  5. I couldn’t actually name a song by The Doors, I am too absorbed with my techno, beepy-boppy computer music that all sounds the same.

    I had a weird experience with doors years ago when I was in Florida. There was this weird family who had a really weird son. He had long and lank blonde hair, Metallica t-shirt, could never look anyone in the eye. Seemed really anti-social and weird.

    He was holding a door open to a shopping centre for his family and I was right behind them all. I was just about to nod him a manly ‘thank you’ when he suddenly went in the door himself and let the door close just in front of me. He actually went out of his way to avoid holding the door open for one more person. It would have been easier for him to just stay there holding it. Bizarre.

    Us Brits do religious persecution like no other, maybe he thought I was a Protestant.

    • mooselicker says:

      I would blame it more on him being from Florida than being a Metallica fan. Maybe not. It depends on the year. Was it after the Black Album came out? I know they’re snobs about people who like them after that album.

  6. Lisa says:

    I love music from the 60’s and 70’s but when musicians feel the need to go off and play a 5 minute solo it really ruins the song. That sort of thing typifies the songs from those decades. Perfectly good songs were made epically long and boring. The Doors had a few good songs but when you add an organ solo that goes on and on you kill the whole thing.
    *I like Bitter’s suggestion about the warning. My spirit is weighed down by the casual disgusting talk of such things. I’m just saying… You make me laugh but then, like Bitter, I read something and want to “hurl”.

    • Becoming Bitter says:

      Moose this may seem to you as a douche bag move, but I feel like being one today.
      Lisa I’ve noticed you’re kinda shy about going around to other people’s blogs, but I’m inviting you (unless you already visited and didn’t like what you saw). So, if you agree with me – come on over!

      PS. I have no shame whatsoever in promoting myself.

    • mooselicker says:

      I’ll try to use the word cock less, for you Lisa.

  7. Becoming Bitter says:

    Well right back at you Kinky. You’re not a liar (at least not that I know of) and you don’t have any shame in promoting yourself either. Heck I’ve promoted you myself.

    PS. Lisa once again – come check out my blog. In case you have short term memory, I’ll put the blog address in this comment as well:

    PSS. I apologize Moose (again) for the douchebaggery. I follow, read, and comment on your posts so let’s be cool about it okay?

  8. Becoming Bitter says:

    Great. Hey Moose – when you post a page, none of your followers get an update right? Another question: Do you have a twitter?

    • mooselicker says:

      Each time I post something new I believe that my followers receive an e-mail. I’m not sure if that’s exactly what you mean.

      No Twitter for me. I know, it’s a shame that I can’t humor you through yet another medium.

      • Becoming Bitter says:

        What I mean was… those pages you have up there. Like say for example you were to post another “Biography” page (let’s play pretend), would your followers get an email about that?

        No Twitter. That’s a shame. You’re missing out on all the fun me and Kinky (aka Micheal) have on Twitter.

    • I’m 90% sure subscribers only get notified about new posts, not pages. Also you can change how often you receive updates; I get updates from all the blogs I’m following once a week – instant notifications piss me off.

  9. A) My mom’s house used to have swinging cowboys doors…in the BATHROOM. Don’t be too jealous.
    B) I expect people to hold the door open for me, especially when I was pregnant. Or there would be much Stink Eye.
    C) I enjoy holding the door open for the person behind me as well.

    • mooselicker says:

      For a while I perfected the art of door opening with my ass. I have a small ass and still managed to get some heavy doors open. I don’t know what most people’s problems are.

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