Beautiful Minds

Posted: December 23, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I’ve written before about all of my celebrity sightings. I have a new one. Do you remember a little film starring an angry Australian man named Russell Crowe called “A Beautiful Mind?” Of course you do. It won a lot of awards. I never saw it. I know what it’s about basically. A schizophrenic man helps the military and teaches at Princeton University. I’m sure it’s much more exciting than that. Jennifer Connelly runs around in a wet t-shirt at one point which always seemed out-of-place in the trailer. Anyway, that movie is based on a true story. About a man named John Nash. A man who eats lunch at the same place I do.

(My lunch buddy. Genius, autobiographical movie star, and sandwich connoisseur)

The first time I saw Mr. Nash he was wearing short shorts and had an oxygen tank. The second time I saw him he was driving very slowly and stopping completely at a yield sign. He drives a red car in case you’re stalking him. I’m not sure of the make or model. I’m retarded when it comes to cars. It’s something that would probably be a teenager’s first car though. Nothing fancy. Something very simple.

I didn’t know that this was John Nash for a good year or so. I knew he lived in the area and I knew he was old. For some reason I was looking up pictures of him online and thought “Hey, he looks like that creepy guy in the short shorts that I see at Subway.” Turns out, I was right.

I haven’t spoken to him. That would be a weird thing for me to do. I did take a video of him getting out of his car one time. One creepy thing is enough. I was hoping to turn the video into “A Beautiful Mind 2: Nash’s Revenge” but was turned down by the film studios because they are currently not accepting 10 second films shot on phones with my thumb in the way. I figured if the Wayans Brothers get to make movies, so should I. Lets be honest, Scary Movie was great when it came out. But it’s because of how shocking it all is. Look, a penis stabbing someone in the ear! After you do a penis stabbing someone in the ear gag you can’t possibly do another joke for the rest of the film or any other film. You peaked too soon Keenan Ivory. Go back in time and make your films less about shock value and even less about White Chicks.

(Looks like this copy has 8 bonus minutes of raw unedited material! Is it too late to order this for Christmas?)

There isn’t a bad thing to say about Mr. Nash that I wouldn’t say about any older gentleman. He’s slow, a little clumsy, and has strange knees. He’s at Subway forever. Sometimes he doesn’t even appear to be eating. Then he’ll get up and get a soup or a soda. Who knew that soup was a favorite among geniuses? I have to start eating/drinking it more. The last time I had soup I was 8, at a friend’s house, and I stepped on a fishing hook in his backyard. Who keeps fishing hooks lying around in their backyard? That reminds me, he had a hot sister. Holy crap I forget how I could see her lying by the pool from my back deck. Then they moved and I was forced to watch the two overweight girls play basketball in their backyard with a soccer ball. Ugh. This is why I hate U-Haul. They take love away from me.

Mr. Nash does enjoy his walks. He also enjoys his trench coats and briefcases. I’ll see him walking at times with his trench coat and his briefcase. He must have learned this from his days hobnobbing with the Hollywood elite. It’s kind of cool to know that I eat lunch at the same place that a genius with a movie made about his life does. They should put something in the window that he eats there. I’m sure they asked him, but he’s too humble of a man. He helped fight the Commies. If I ever even beat up a midget I’d brag about it. And yes, I can call them midgets. I was born before the year 2000. You can’t tell me to change something that I’ve done for more than half my life.

(Brushing my teeth, something I’ve done for over half my life. On an aside, she looks like she just did something naughty. I’m using my imagination)

Perhaps one day Mr. Nash and I will have a conversation. We can talk about Ron Howard or which of the five dollar foot longs we enjoy most. It’s nothing like physics or other science things that only he would understand and would not only go over my head, but would also come back around and nip me in the ass. But we do have that one thing in common. A place where we can go in the middle of the day to get sandwiches from Ecuadorians who work for Indian people.

Comments
  1. ldsrr91 says:

    Nice work, now you do realize, I will most likely never go to Subway or brush my teeth again.

    Enjoy the holiday.

    DS

    • mooselicker says:

      Thanks! You too.

      And you should always brush your teeth. I had a dream that the prettiest girl in school turned me down because my breath stunk. This after not brushing my teeth before bed.

  2. You should watch A Beautiful Mind, it’s pretty good. Jennifer Connelly looks fantastic in it.

  3. Lisa says:

    Nice job. Do you think that picture looks like Russell Crowe? Hahaha! Great casting.
    It’s a good movie, not because Jennifer Connelly looks fantastic, kill me now, but because it’s awesome to think that John Nash found a way to make friends with his visual hallucinations. He conquered mental illness because he was so smart.( …and by conquered, I mean he was able to keep it together for short little bursts of normalness.) I’m sure he takes heavy duty meds. But maybe the real hero is his wife who stuck with him???

  4. robpixaday says:

    OMGosh!! So cool!
    And I’m happy to know he didn’t die at the end of the movie.

    You could always talk to him about pi.
    :O

    • mooselicker says:

      I don’t know what I could ask about Pi other than to have him list out the numbers. I knew a kid who could do the first 500 digits. I seem to know a lot of people with strange talents.

      Next time I see him maybe I’ll ask him what the meaning of life is. If anyone knows or at least has a good answer it’s him.

  5. robpixaday says:

    ::runs back::

    Do I get an award for saying “pi” first?

    Maybe a sine with my name on it?

    (LOL!!!! Sorry. Puns make me all giggly,)

  6. “I figured if the Wayans Brothers get to make movies, so should I.”

    I fully support this statement. They are just awful. So is Tyler Perry. They should all just go far, far away. Forever.

    • mooselicker says:

      C’mon, Madea Goes to Jail wasn’t that bad! Well, actually it was. The dramatic parts in the first 20 minutes were good though. Then all of the prisoners are released at random without a second hearing just because some lawyer hates women. Christ that was terrible. I only watched it because I had a night where I watched black people movies.

  7. Adair says:

    I respect John and his wife. He does manage to get by, and, his wife hasn’t killed him. Yet.

    Is say more, but, I feel a need to brush and floss.

  8. Lily says:

    I haven’t really seen the movie either besides for the scarring scene where this baby almost drowns in a bathtub. So I just figured that’s what the entire movie was about. Seems like an interesting and sad guy though.

  9. Pete Howorth says:

    Lol the drowning baby scene isn’t a huge part of it, just adds to the reason why he’s going insane. It’s one of my favourite films, definitely worth a watch!

    And thanks for voting for me! 😀

    • mooselicker says:

      If someone told me that babies can’t drown it would take a few seconds before I realized that can’t possibly be true. It seems like one of those things that might be possible.

      No problem for the vote. Be glad you weren’t in the same category as Michael. I’d need to think of some sort of a battle for you two to have in order to choose. Best of luck with the contest!

  10. I’ve seen very few celebrities in my life, and my reaction has always been super lame. I made Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top a sandwich after already closing down the deli in Whole Foods and he tipped me a whole dollar. I didn’t even tell him my dad would pee his pants to know I was doing it. And I saw David Cross hours before seeing his stand-up, but mostly my mouth was agape while Hubs was trying to crack a joke. Although, all he wanted to know was where we got our sandwich. Why are these both about sandwiches??

    • mooselicker says:

      Famous people love sandwiches?

      My friend held a door open for Caroline Rhea of Biggest Loser and Sabrina the Teenage Witch fame. It was at a comedy club where we worked so it wasn’t a big deal. Jason Patrick from The Lost Boys and Speed 2 was supposed to make his standup debut that night. He chickened out though. I can always say I have bigger balls than him.

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