Before you leave thinking this is a complaint about not being allowed to say “Merry Christmas” allow me to say that it’s not really about that. This post is a little scatter brained. I’m not sure why. I’m usually right on point! This is more about Christmas. It’s about every day life and having to make sure everybody is happy. The Christmas spirit is only my inspiration. I hope all my Christians/Americans/English readers enjoyed their Christmas and hope the rest of you saw a good movie.

I don’t care much for political correctness. It’s a pretty new thing for us. I think we used to be too stupid to notice these things. All political correctness comes down to is a definition. Many words mean many things. A jackass can be a donkey or an idiot or a man named Jack’s butt. It’s usually pretty obvious which one someone is talking about when they use the word. This probably wasn’t the best example. Being called a donkey, an idiot, or a man named Jack’s butt are all bad things. Unless Jack does lots of squats. Then it could be a compliment.

The political correctness that annoys me most is the kind where everyone needs to be included. Yes. Everyone should be welcomed everywhere. I agree. You should be allowed to enter any public place that you wish and apply for any job and have every opportunity as everyone else. So what’s the problem? The problem is when people have a problem. Do you really think that many people sit down and write emails about how much South Park pissed them off? Most of us are mature enough to know that if we hate something on TV that we change the channel then complain about it on our blogs. I could list who I blame for this but they’re all people who are on the extreme right or extreme left of the political spectrum. The Bible Thumpers on the right and the Bob Marley T-Shirt Wearers on the left are the exact same thing. They’re not happy. They’re miserable terds who have always gotten what they wanted in life and now feel the need to ruin everything for you and me. Us moderates need to stick together. We know that we need to pick and choose our battles and that not everything will work out our way. We’re better than them. We use reason and logic and don’t get our inspiration from 2,000 year old books and Bruce Springsteen songs.

I have two examples of political correctness that have me growing out my hair longer just so I can rip it out in a couple of months. Please, feel free to share your observations with me. I have a big head, hence lots of hair. I need more reasons to pull out my hair.

The first one was an advertisement for a high school play. It wasn’t quite on a billboard as much as it was on a small piece of cardboard in front of a liquor store. Location. Location. Location. That’s what advertising is all about. You’d have to be drunk to see a high school play that your kid isn’t in. The play was called “12 Angry People.” Hmmm. I didn’t know high schools did original plays. Maybe I’m not as well-versed in theater as I thought. I use my thinking schools and remember that there is a play called “12 Angry Men.” Oh no. Did they–they did. They changed the name of a play to be more politically correct! No! No! No! It’s 12 Angry Men. 12 pissed off guys with dicks and balls. I get that mostly girls act in these high school plays so maybe that’s why the name was changed. But how about this. Don’t do that play! How cheap are you that you have to do a play that all takes place in one room? Your entire scenery budget was paying a janitor to move a large table onto the stage. Stick with classics like Anne, Oliver Twist, or Big. Yes. My middle school did the theatrical and musical version of the Tom Hanks movie Big. The letter was all in small letters too which only me and one other person noticed. We planned on writing a musical called SMALL which is just the film in reverse. We’re lazy and instead occasionally mention it for a laugh.

The second example came from a radio advertisement. A woman talks to her husband. She wants to know what she should get for him. What a good wife. She asks him “What do you want for the Holidays?” Huh? Wait–people talk like that? I have never wished a loved one a happy holiday. Do you know why? I know which holiday it is that they celebrate! The man proceeds to tell her that he wants a pulled pork hoagie. It was an ad for sandwiches, mind you. The fact that he’s eating pork kind of tells you that he’s a heathen Christian. He celebrates Christmas! And their voices weren’t nasally or whiny. Clearly WASPs. Christians only celebrate two holidays in the “holiday season.” Christmas and New Year’s. For Christmas we get gifts. For New Year’s we get someone pregnant. Your birthday around October 5th? You might be a New Year’s conceived baby. I get that they want to attract people who don’t celebrate Christmas but why not find a better way to word it? Like “Hey, you haven’t given me your wish-list yet. What do you want? We’re running out of time!” Something corny like that where you still don’t mention the dreaded Christmas holiday but don’t offend those who don’t celebrate it. And who would not go buy a delicious sandwich just because they mention Christmas? If you are so caught up in your beliefs that someone as miniscule as that will turn you off from buying a product then you need to really consider what’s more important, eternal salvation or a delicious mother watering sandwich.

Things will probably never change. Why should they? There are enough ways to get around it and there are enough traditionalists like me out there who see nothing offensive about including everyone. Not everyone has to like you. If you’re someone who everyone likes, you’re phony. You have no opinion. There are plenty of people who I don’t like but I respect because shit, they stand their ground and are always open to being corrected when they’re wrong. For all we know life is nothing but a dream. We could be in the Matrix. Or on the fingernail of someone else in a Universe that isn’t even known to the person whose fingernail that belongs to. Doesn’t that blow your mind? Stop fretting about making everyone happy. It’s not your job. That’s Brian Regan’s job. Everyone loves a Fig Newton joke.

  1. Jordan Sky says:

    Your story reminded me of what happened to a mate of mine. This mate works in a restaurant, this young couple came in to grab something to eat. They ordered a ruddy four course meal, changed their minds half way through the prep work, and she changed their order. She did it all. Come tip time she tells them Happy Holidays. The chap puts his money back in his wallet and tells her we’re not tipping you. It’s Merry Christmas and you clearly don’t have Jesus in your heart. Ouch. Being PC prevented her from getting dosh.

    • mooselicker says:

      Wow that’s terrible. Few things offend me and even when they do I’m pretty wrong about being offended. I think they might have been looking for an excuse to not come off as the cheap bastards they really are.

      Thanks for the comment and the follow! Your input is much appreciated.

  2. robpixaday says:

    I’m afraid to say anything.

    LOL… Twelve Angry People? :❚

    Reminds me a little of Big Pharma ads for drugs that shouldn’t be taken by “people who are pregnant.” Seriously?

    Some of this PC stuff began life with good intentions. And some of it really is based on Constitutionally-sound whoosits. But when it’s corrupted and twisted and perverted, changed into the ungainly Blimp of Stupidity that follows us everywhere making sure we behave appropriately then no one wins except the fat bald gimpy bi guy piloting the Blimp while he’s under the influence of vodka slammers and Vicodin because he grew up in the armpit of the world.

    Ooops! Follicularly-challenged.

    Oh! And before I forget: Happy Boxing Day!*

    *Don’t tell anyone I said that. People who didn’t have servants in Englad might take offense. I know I do. Might.

    LOVE this post.

    • mooselicker says:

      We are silly aren’t? When it first came along I got it. It’s more for kids maybe. Kids who assume everyone lives in a world just like theirs. With Jesus and Santa. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with kids feeling left out though. I felt left out all the time. I still do. Then I find a group or somewhere I feel that I belong. It makes it better because I’m not changing who I am to fit in. Does this make sense? I’m not sure. I’m trying to say it in a way that everyone can understand thus being a hypocrite.

  3. robpixaday says:

    Uh… England.
    Not Englad.

  4. Lisa says:

    Feels like our country is slowly turning into a cartoon comic where there is good (normal people with values and belief systems and diversity) and bad ( people who are void of belief systems and want everything neutral.) It’s scary.
    I heard the most incredibly stupid thing a couple of days ago. There is this school that doesn’t want the kids to wear clothing (concert shirts, tee shirts from a birthday party, anything that advertises something that other kids may not have been invited to or been a part of!!!) Are they kidding?!!!! Hey, newsflash, not everyone gets to do everything. Deal with it.
    Crazy, right?

    • mooselicker says:

      Very crazy. That creates secrets and secret societies by not being open about things. Maybe a kid didn’t invite another kid to their party because their parents can’t afford to have 50 kids at the party. Or maybe the kid sucks. I still feel left out when people don’t invite me, but hey, I get over it. Or I go anyway and make them feel awkward as I sit there by myself.

  5. I went and watched Inderminate Weather Neutral Shade and the Seven Random Citizens the other week.

    It was rubbish.

  6. I haven’t read this one yet, but I will, because I read every one of your posts. BECAUSE THEY ARE HILARIOUS. And I bet you’ve already gotten this, but, whatevs. I’m a rule breaker (wait is it against the rules to double award someone?)

    Because I like you and your blog, I have included you in my list of Versatile Blogging Award recipients. Please accept your award and all of the obvious accolades at:

    • I’m only offended if someone says something harsh right to my face. Or behind my back.
      Well, in my general vicinity. But directly relating to me.

      I don’t usually go finding things to be upset about. Unless I’m raging with hormones.

      I like reading opinionated people’s opinions, but talking to an opinionated person is boring because they never stop talking. Or say something harsh right to my face. This may or may not have happened over the “holidays.”

      • mooselicker says:

        The worst arguments are the ones where there is a right and a wrong and the other person is clearly wrong. My favorites are the ones that have no answer. They’re easier to sway people and it’s easier to be swayed yourself.

        Did I answer everything correctly? My boss keeps walking by and I don’t want her seeing how much of a non-hard worker I am. Maybe if she catches me I can refer her to my blog and my arguments behind being lazy.

  7. Adair says:

    When I heard that they had re-released ‘Roots’ (the series) with the big N word removed, I choked on my coffee. And the whole Huck Finn controversy–really, people? Are we supposed to forget that is how life was and that Twain was pointing out how ridiculous it was and Hello? Roots (if we overlook the plagiarized parts) used the word because the word was used commonly then. For me, the winner of “What were you thinking?” award went to a Southwestern state whose decisions regarding books almost caused me to almost fly there to explain the concept of irony after their school district banned ‘Fahrenheit 451’.

    • mooselicker says:

      Wow that’s some good information you got there. I didn’t know about any of them. That’s the least of my problems.

      Are you a teacher? You seem like one. I actually mean that in a nice way for the first time ever.

      • Adair says:

        No, I’m not, but, thanks for saying one of the nicest things ever to me. Wait. Is this your question to me based on my Blog post today?

      • mooselicker says:

        That and your extensive knowledge of books. Actually, extensive isn’t the word. I’ve heard of all you mentioned. You come across as very teacher-like. Confident in what you say and very well-informed. I never had teachers like that. But TV had teachers like that.

  8. Adair says:

    I’ve been reading since I was 4, and I come from a family of readers, so, tons of odd books have passed through my hands. Currently, I’m reading The American Frugal Housewife, which was first published in 1828, and gives all sorts of insights to life in general during that time in history. I had to laugh at the confident part–anyone who knows me knows if I say, “I’ll bet you (fill in the blank)” not to bet, because I only say it when I know I know.

    I am not, however, as fast a typist as you are. Bravo!

    • mooselicker says:

      Confidence isn’t all always knowing the answer. It’s more of an honesty thing I think. Not being afraid to be wrong. Maybe I’m wrong and that’s not you. You could be a total shit head for all I know but I doubt that.

    • I get more and more impressed with you each day Adair. Witty, intelligent and well-read.

      WordPress was worse off before you joined up.

  9. Adair says:

    Both of you are more than kind! Honesty isn’t always what it’s cut out to be, as people generally like their truths doctored up a bit. I don’t self censor very well, so, before I can think about it, the words are out of my mouth. I’m not deliberately cruel, and I work hard not to hurt someone. Sadly, I wear my heart on my sleeve, so, while I’m saying, “Wow. Moose. New shirt? Really? Wow. No, really, that shirt could only be worn by someone as unique as yourself!” my face is going, “Wow. Moose. New shirt? Really? You bought a purple paisley shirt to wear to a wedding?”. See?

    Michael–call me Addie. And, thank you very much!! I kinda giggled in a silly way.

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