Obsessions

Posted: January 17, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

There are a few strange things I am absolutely obsessed with. I’m different like that. I don’t get obsessed with people. People stink. I can’t remember the last time I stalked a girl. That’s sad. A lonely person like me doesn’t even stalk girls anymore they’ve become so lame. What has this world come to? I would like to take the opportunity to talk about a few of my strange obsessions.

My first obsession is brought to you by you. That’s right. You’re the sponsor of it. You’re like Juicy Juice on PBS. I am absolutely obsessed with celebrity look-alikes. I love finding out that I look like a celebrity. After a couple of awful ones though it becomes hurtful. That’s when I move over and instead focus on others. Who do they look like? The most common look-alikes my friend and I find seem to be Rivers Cuomo (any guy with nerd glasses), Seth Rogan (any fat guy with a beard), Phillip Seymour Hoffman (any fat guy with blondish hair), Jack Swagger (any young guy with blonde hair), Dean Pelton (any bald guy with glasses), Julianne Moore (any normal looking girl with red hair), the kid from Mask (any weird-looking girl with red hair), and Wesley Snipes (anyone not white). It’s pretty entertaining to do. At least, for someone like me who doesn’t like talking to strangers. What can I say, I’m an observer.

(Wesley Snipes)

I’m starting to worry that I don’t have as many obsessions as I thought I did. Oh well. This will be a shorter post then. My next obsession is Vitamin C drops. I know, of all the addictions in the world to have mine is to a lozenge that helps provide me with an essential vitamin. I love these things so much that I have to hide them in my car. Otherwise I would “snack” on them all day long. Can you snack on a multivitamin? Or is that considered being really healthy? I’ll have to ask a doctor. I know eating a lot of these will probably kill me, somehow. That’s why they stay in my glove compartment. I know myself well enough by now to know that I will not go outside to get some vitamins. I’ll pop a few in my mouth during my commute to work or if I’m eating dinner in my car which is fine. It’s still limiting myself in some form. Yeah, you were probably hoping I was obsessed with something cool like heroin or comic books. But no. I am obsessed with little 15 color fruit flavored cold suppressants.

(Second time using this picture, told you I was obsessed)

Okay, ready for my biggest obsession. It’s been about 6 months that I’ve been obsessed with it. It’s kind of weird, but allow me to explain. I am obsessed with small pox masks. Yeah. Fucking strange. If you’ve seen the film Kingdom of Heaven, you might remember that Edward Norton’s character had small pox and had to wear a mask. No? You don’t remember that? Yeah, they didn’t make that very clear. But I read up about it. I am absolutely enamored with them. I’m not sure if human beings really wear them anymore. Shit, small pox doesn’t even really exist except in Made for TV “Terrorists Killing Everyone” movies. Marcia Gay-Harden is usually in these movies. That’s another quick obsession of mine. Saying Marcia Gay-Hardened Criminal. That should be her name! I don’t know. It entertains me because she’s such a pig nosed goody-goody that she’d never be a criminal. If I ever was to contract small pox from a sexual partner (that’s how you get it, right?) I would surely wear a mask. A creepy mask. Everyone would know that I had small pox too. I’d go on a water slide and they’d say I had to remove my mask and I’d say “Hey buddy, I can’t. Got the Small P.” I figure if I ever get small pox it would be so cool that we’ll call it the Small P. If you learned anything from this last paragraph it surely should be that I am constantly fantasizing about small pox masks.

(Even in a mask the man has charisma)

There you have it. Three of my current obsessions. I’m also kind of real into Wake-Up Wraps from Dunkin Donuts, but they didn’t make the cut. I’m sorry, that obsessed is too normal and embarrassing. Do you have any strange obsessions? Why do I even bother asking? You’d tell me anyway.

Comments
  1. Top 3 famous people I’m told I look like:
    1) Amanda Bynes
    2) Britney Spears (before she went psycho and had 2 kids)
    3) The blonde chick from Big Bang Theory

    For some reason, I don’t find any of these descriptions to be a compliment. Hmm..

    • mooselicker says:

      That’s not bad comparisons at all. My dad told me when I was 10 that I looked like Drew Carey. That’s rung out in my head for more than half my life now. I imagine you look very similar to your Avatar then?

  2. Addie says:

    Ed Nortons character, King Baldwin IV, had leprosy. He really did wear the mask and other articles of clothing to protect his skin and not gross out the population.

    “Follow me into battle, soldiers!! CHARGE!!”
    “Your Highness, you left your left thumb behind again!”
    “DAMN!”

    So, you have an obsession w/leprosy masks. I have an obsession with being a pedantic twit. I also, on occasion, get a food obsession, where I’ll only one one kind of food for a week or so–thankfully, it’s usually something like spinach or graham crackers w/butter, not something expensive i.e. lobster or Kobe beef.

    • mooselicker says:

      People with small pox definitely did where masks at one point. Leprosy is so Braveheart. Small pox is so much better because it sounds portable.

      A spinach obsession is probably the best food one you could get. Except when E. Coli breaks out. Maybe you can wear an E. Coli mask, for me.

      • Addie says:

        I went off of the Ed Norton bit. Leprosy is so Middle Ages, isn’t it? I’m actually immune to smallpox!! I could have lived through the Middle Ages and never contracted smallpox!! My luck, I’d get leprosy instead. Bummer.

        I’m going to expose myself here (no, not way! No cringing necessary!)–when I do the spinach obsession, it’s usually canned spinach. Seriously. I’ll heat up a huge can of it, sprinkle on salt and eat the damn thing. SO disgusting. Right now, I couldn’t be bothered, but, when I wants it, I wants is NOW!

      • mooselicker says:

        Yuck. I accidentally ate a rubber band one time thinking it was a piece of spaghetti and I find your food choices gross.

  3. Addie says:

    Forgot the possessive ‘. ARUGH!

  4. Addie says:

    AHAHAHAHAHA!!! Did you try salt on the rubber band? Could be worse–could be an obsession with hominy, which, along with pigs feet is about the grossest food I can think of ever eating.

  5. Lily says:

    Small P. Not to be confused with small penis. Uh oh. Better re-think that name. The small pox mask thing is hilarious. I used to volunteer at this gallery and they had an exhibit on the Black Death. Those masks always fascinated me as well.
    3 people have told me that I look like Ke$ha. I told myself that I look like Sienna Miller to make myself feel better.

    • mooselicker says:

      I’m glad my obsession with creeps in immobile masks isn’t a stand-alone obsession.

      Ke$ha isn’t bad looking, but I don’t think you look much like her. I’ll think of someone. She just looks kind of rotten. Like she would look wrong without bruises on her.

  6. I get Angelina Jolie ALL THE TIME, I don’t know, it gets tiresome.

    I had my DNA tested and got pages of results, but the one thing that really stood out was that it said I have an increased risk for leprosy. Really? Oh, and I carry the gene for obesity. “So, I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.”

    As for obsessions, I eat the same breakfast everyday at 6:00 in the morning. I think it’s more of a compulsion. (two poached eggs, rye toast and grapefruit juice)

    Addie, I think you eat spinach because you’re a bleeder! Your body craves iron. Why am I so incredibly smart. Seriously.

    • Addie says:

      I feel your pain on that!! *therethere*

      DNA tested? Really? How cool is that? I mean, the leprosy thing is a bit ‘ick’, but, a nice ice breaker at a gathering. “Yes, I have a predisposition for leprosy. Are you going to eat that last shrimp?”

      As far as the incredibly smart, one of the two of us needs to be, and it sure ain’t me.

    • You have breakfast at 6am every morning? Is that out of choice or because of work?

      I get up for work at 6am which is hell sometimes. I remember when I used to work in a shop, there were sometimes people waiting outside for it to open at 9am.

      Why does these people get up so early?

      • AgrippingLife says:

        Yes, I wake automatically at around 5:30 and I’m in the parking lot, with other strange people like me, at 6:00. When I respond to your blogs I’m having my breakfast! My clock has always been this way. Screwy, I know. And by 9:00 in the evening I’m drifting off. that’s why babysitting was so deadly for me.

        Gum chewing is a good trick for weight loss. Not a terrible obsession, really.

    • mooselicker says:

      There’s an obesity gene? Why am I finding this out now? I could have explained that to so many girls and bullies in the past. They would have felt like sillygeese.

      I eat pretty much the same foods every day. No real set time. Just whenever I’m hungry at this point. This could be strange to say but it’s great to be a young white male. We can eat anything and barely put on a pound! If only white guys excelled at other times throughout history…

  7. brennagrimes says:

    Totally obsessed with vitamin gummies right now. I could eat them all day, but yea, pretty sure you can’t do that. Also totally obsessing/crushing on Rupert Grint right now.

    • mooselicker says:

      Do not get the sour gummy vitamins with calcium! Those are the best and I could eat them by the handful. I don’t know what bad would really happen. Maybe your bones would get so strong that you’d become indestructible? Sounds cool.

  8. I sort of have an obsession with chewing gum, I go through quite a bit of it. Mainly out of boredom and because it stops me eating.

    I want a pox mask.

    • mooselicker says:

      I can’t buy gum because I will finish it as fast as possible. I kind of do that with everything. I only buy foods that are a pain to make (and by pain I mean take any preparation at all). Moderation is a word I cannot spell. Except right there. But I had to spell check first.

  9. Obsessions everywhere *sigh*. Although, if I start thinking about it… I can’t think of any at the moment.
    Oh, of course. I’m obsessed with attention, and blogs too for the very same reason. How could I forget?

  10. Wow, who would have thought you would be obsessed with anything. To be honest, when I read the title, I thought it would be heroin, or possibly hookers. I loved that guy in the mask. I never knew what was wrong with him. I thought it was leprosy. Great post.

    • mooselicker says:

      You’re right, it was leprosy. It took two comments before I was corrected. I still call it a small pox mask. Leprosy is a sad disease. Small pox sounds much better. I could see a clown being named Small Pox.

      I was thinking the other day how I have never gotten a prostitute and wondered why. I think my generation are too big of cowards. Thank you DARE program for nothing.

      • Addie says:

        Small pox leaves you with scars–leprosy leaves you isolated with nuns and priests and other people who share your rotting flesh disease. Actually, I think the last leper colony in the United States was in Carville, Louisiana. Molokai in Hawaii has become a tourist spot, and not just for viewing the last few folk wouldn’t leave the leper colony, even after the disease was curable. I guess if you are going to have a disease where people once made you walk yelling, “UNCLEAN!” (something most politicians should be made to shout when they walk about), you might as well enjoy the Pacific and balmy climate.

      • mooselicker says:

        I’d take leprosy for the chance to in Hawaii and do nothing all day. Imagine the kind of books you could sell too. Okay, my days of bathing are through.

        You know a lot about leprosy for someone who claims to not have it.

  11. Emily He says:

    I had a strange obsession with big, manly hands and based several of my high school crushes on them. You know what they say about big hands! Big gloves!

    As for my look-alikes, well, friends and strangers always compare me to Asian males: Jackie Chan, Mr. Miyagi, the guy from Big Trouble in Little China, etc. I’m not sure why that is. Hopefully it’s because there aren’t that many goofy-looking asian women actresses to compare me to and not because I look like a man. Or, maybe it’s because these so called friends and strangers are racists who live under a rock where asians only come in the forms of kung fu masters. I blame Hollywood.

    • mooselicker says:

      All white people are racists. You need to learn that now. Would it be worse if they said Lucy Liu even though you don’t look like her? I told a Spanish girl she looked like Jennifer Lopez even though she didn’t. She was flattered then showed me her butt.

      Big manly hands? That is a strange obsession. I have very small hands. Well, not very small. I guess normal sized hands. I hope other women out there aren’t checking my hands and assuming it’s a reflection of other parts of my body. If so they’d think I was a 12-year-old girl who grew up near a power plant.

  12. Cafe23 says:

    I get Zhang Ziyi from Crouching Tiger and Rush Hour 2 a lot =P

    Somehow I’m not surprised that you would be obsessed with small pox masks lol.

    • mooselicker says:

      As I said to Emily He, all white people are racists. The catch with small pox masks is that as much as I love them I could never wear one unless I had the disease. I don’t want small pox though. I imagine it to be like chicken box but less delicious.

      • Cafe23 says:

        Lol I’ve never had chicken pox so don’t know how delicious it is :S

        Btw, would you mind participating in a blog post I’m working on? It’s about Why We Blog and I’m asking various bloggers if they could give me a 3-5 sentence (could be more or less really) response to the question: Why do you blog? I’d of course quote you and put a link to your blog. And I’m also asking for what category they think their blog fits into.

        Thanks, Tim!
        Janice

  13. Addie says:

    Yes, I do know way too much knowledge about leprosy, or, as it’s correctly called, Hansen’s Disease. Some kids read Dr. Seuss. I read Encyclopedias. I was such a boring person. Wait. Scratch was, insert ‘am’.

  14. Addie says:

    Wow. My English skills certainly fled on that comment–‘knowledge’ should have been dropped from the sentence.

  15. Pete Howorth says:

    I was thinking about my obsessions. I think it’s food, mmm pies.

  16. breezyk says:

    “Marcia Gay-Hardened Criminal”. Nailed it.
    I see a lot of Rivers look alikes in Toronto as well… he must have been spreading his seed wildly over here back in the 90’s.
    As for strange obsessions, I think I’ve made my Kim K. stalking pretty apparent… but I’m also obsessed with peanut butter (I eat it several times a day, without fail), and Jason Sudeikis. Granted, they’re not strange in the small pox mask sort of way… but there you have it.

    • mooselicker says:

      I can’t be around peanut butter. I can’t control myself. I probably wouldn’t be able to be around Kim Kardashian either. Not that she’s a celebrity crush of mine, but she is a celebrity that I would fornicate with. I’d want her to ask me what position I play then I will tell her I haven’t played sports in years. She’s question why I keep in such great shape. Then Ashton Kutcher pops out with a remake of his old show…

  17. renxkyoko says:

    I’ve been told by 2 different people that I look like , never mind …… , coz I don’t think so,, definitely no. But I’m flattered, just the same………If you have been reading me, Mooselicker, you’d know what I’m obssesing with for several years now… * whisper* reading mangas ( Japanese graphic novels ) lol. Oh, another one I’m obssessed with these days —-> politics.

    Cheers ! !

    • mooselicker says:

      You’re like the only attractive person (I know, I’m such a flatterer) that reads Mangas. I never got into them. I’m a nerd in other ways. You could so get the hottest male Manga fan out there. I’m in such a nice mood today that I’m complimenting strangers.

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