The time has come for a new achievement to be announced. My 200th post! Woo-Hoo! I’d say I couldn’t have done it without a lot of help, but the truth is I could have done it all by myself. I wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun by myself and I might have given up by now. You can take that much away from being a part of this monumental occasion.
Did you know that no blog has ever had 200 posts? It’s true. I am currently in contact with the Guinness Book of World Records trying to get my place in history. They haven’t responded back yet and the only form of trying to contact them I have made has been shouting really loudly in the direction of their headquarters. I believe it’s south of me? Who knows. What matters is that I know what a champion I am.
For the few of you who were around for my 100th post, I am going to do something similar. I am going to link up to a few past posts. This time instead of doing them in order and giving you a history I am going to have each letter represent a blog title. I hope you enjoy some of my older, less/non-read posts and can take something away from the person I have grown into in that time period. Thank you and enjoy.
A is for Abs. You probably aren’t that in great of shape. It’s okay, none of us are. Maybe this will cheer you up. I’ll show you how abs are so overrated.
B is for Bananas. A very timely piece about when at a hockey game a black player had a banana thrown at him. You probably don’t remember that. It’s okay, we don’t expect much from the retarded.
C is for Champions. It is here that I try to convince you of what championships are the most valuable in today’s society. I’m not going to bother reading it to give you a better glimpse into what it is. If you’re a champion like me you will read it. Otherwise you’re a fraud like Michael Jordan. Did you know that he’s really two guys standing on each other’s shoulders?
D is for Dog Bets. I made a bet with my dog. Yes, he has a gambling problem. I didn’t quite cut off his fingers, but he did feel my wrath.
E is for El Chupacabras. You’ve probably always wanted me to discuss the mythological Mexican Goat Eater. I already did! Here’s your chance to “read all about it” as a newspaper boy might say.
F is for Foul Balls. I think only two people ever even clicked on this. That means neither of them ever read it. It’s kind of long, but I thought it was pretty good. It’s about bonding over balls with your dad. And it’s about falling to your death and getting a lame statue created in your honor.
G is for Golden Rules. I have my own interpretation of it. Want to better your life? This probably will not help.
H is for Holiday Battles. I pit each holiday against each other to figure out who has more holidays, God or US Soldiers. The results WILL shock you. And I typed will in all Caps. That means if it doesn’t you get your money back.
I is for Ironies. An amazing little tale that was so great that 2 people decided to share it on Facebook. Thank anonymous stalkers!
J is for Jock Insults. I came up with a list of mean names to call some of the biggest sports stars of today’s ESPN world. Then something funny happened.
K is for Kicks. I have to say, no one has ever broken down one single word as much as I do here. If you read my stuff a lot now and like when things get every which way, you will think this post is decent.
L is for Locations. I really liked this post. I don’t remember why. It was fun to do. It’s about where I live. Then it turns into why I live in a shitty place.
M is for Millionaire Dog Killers. This I wrote after Michael Vick was given a huge contract for having 6 great games and killing 3 times as many adorable puppies. To say I hope he breaks his neck is an understatement.
N is for New York Laws. It is here that I discuss how silly it is for some of their laws to exist. What laws you ask? Click on the link and find out! I’m such a good salesman.
O is for Obese Twins. There are too many twins where they are both disgustingly fat. That’s what I talk about here. Yeah, it was a slow day.
P is for Pirate Paths. This is not your run-of-the-mill pirate post. It’s more about the meaning of their lives with a few jokes about gays. I don’t know that last part for a fact. I’m assuming because I wrote it.
Q is for Quitters. Some people need to quit. I found two of them.
R is for Religious Brackets. Everyone loves putting things into brackets and finding out who the winner will be. I did it with religions. I even got Dick Vitale to do a voiceover for it. That’s actually a lie. I would never talk to Dick Vitale.
S is for Smarts. No clue what this is about. I’m only posting it because one person commented on it as every retarded person who know in person.
T is for Team Names. This is a post about offensive sports teams names and how we overlook some obviously offensive ones. I’m not much for getting offended about anything. This is more of a satire post. I know, who would have guessed I’d do something sarcastic.
U is for Unknown Origins. I take the time to wonder, where do all of those actors who play Holocaust victims come from? I’ve wondered this for years actually. I may have found my answer.
V is for Villains. There are a lot of bad people out there. I talk about them here. Yeah, I’m not feeling very clever after the first however many letters of the alphabet. 21? Yes because T is the 20th letter. I always remember that because my name begins with it.
W is for Writers. After I posted this, I got 3-4 new followers which at that time was amazing. Now I’m always getting random people following me then never commenting. Are they real or bots? I’m not sure. But thanks shitheads, I guess. Oh and this is about some writing seminar I went to.
X is for X-Rated Film Stars. Honestly, I only wrote this so I’d have something to put here. That shows you how far in advance I planned my 200th blog posting. And I’m waiting about a week in advance to get this done. I stink.
Y is for YouTube Sensations. Do you love it when other people’s lives suck? Read this!
Z is for Zoo Animals. It had to be this one. I never wrote about Zorros or Zuchinnis. Still, this is a pretty good one. We all love the zoo. And now here’s a review, of all the animals there. What is true, is that I wrote it all for you! (I am so poetic)
Since writing this up 2 weeks ago in preparation, I have not only also eclipsed 10,000 views but also 100 blog followers. Whole solid numbers! I love them. The bigger the better.
And finally, a special thank you to all of my readers, followers, people who link me on their blogs, people who comment, people who liked my posts but didn’t really read it, and anyone else who has had anything to do with this blog over the past 200 posts. You guys are tremendous. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d have such a supportive, talented, funny, and sweet group of people to share my blog with and have them share theirs with me. I would call you my friends, but that sounds too lonely and desperate for relationships with others. I’m not like that. I’m more like Dexter. I have no feelings. But yes, I appreciate all of the comments, all of the compliments, and anything else good you have to say to me. It’s a great feeling to know that even though we could all be lying to each other and will most likely never have that big of an impact on each other’s lives, we still matter to each other right now in this moment. Thank you again. Keep up the great work. Keep being yourselves. Please don’t die.
-Tim “Mooselicker” (nobody has ever called me that in real life)