Alphabets

Posted: January 19, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

The time has come for a new achievement to be announced. My 200th post! Woo-Hoo! I’d say I couldn’t have done it without a lot of help, but the truth is I could have done it all by myself. I wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun by myself and I might have given up by now. You can take that much away from being a part of this monumental occasion.

Did you know that no blog has ever had 200 posts? It’s true. I am currently in contact with the Guinness Book of World Records trying to get my place in history. They haven’t responded back yet and the only form of trying to contact them I have made has been shouting really loudly in the direction of their headquarters. I believe it’s south of me? Who knows. What matters is that I know what a champion I am.

For the few of you who were around for my 100th post, I am going to do something similar. I am going to link up to a few past posts. This time instead of doing them in order and giving you a history I am going to have each letter represent a blog title. I hope you enjoy some of my older, less/non-read posts and can take something away from the person I have grown into in that time period. Thank you and enjoy.

A is for Abs. You probably aren’t that in great of shape. It’s okay, none of us are. Maybe this will cheer you up. I’ll show you how abs are so overrated.

B is for Bananas. A very timely piece about when at a hockey game a black player had a banana thrown at him. You probably don’t remember that. It’s okay, we don’t expect much from the retarded.

C is for Champions. It is here that I try to convince you of what championships are the most valuable in today’s society. I’m not going to bother reading it to give you a better glimpse into what it is. If you’re a champion like me you will read it. Otherwise you’re a fraud like Michael Jordan. Did you know that he’s really two guys standing on each other’s shoulders?

D is for Dog Bets. I made a bet with my dog. Yes, he has a gambling problem. I didn’t quite cut off his fingers, but he did feel my wrath.

E is for El Chupacabras. You’ve probably always wanted me to discuss the mythological Mexican Goat Eater. I already did! Here’s your chance to “read all about it” as a newspaper boy might say.

F is for Foul Balls. I think only two people ever even clicked on this. That means neither of them ever read it. It’s kind of long, but I thought it was pretty good. It’s about bonding over balls with your dad. And it’s about falling to your death and getting a lame statue created in your honor.

G is for Golden Rules. I have my own interpretation of it. Want to better your life? This probably will not help.

H is for Holiday Battles. I pit each holiday against each other to figure out who has more holidays, God or US Soldiers. The results WILL shock you. And I typed will in all Caps. That means if it doesn’t you get your money back.

I is for Ironies. An amazing little tale that was so great that 2 people decided to share it on Facebook. Thank anonymous stalkers!

J is for Jock Insults. I came up with a list of mean names to call some of the biggest sports stars of today’s ESPN world. Then something funny happened.

K is for Kicks. I have to say, no one has ever broken down one single word as much as I do here. If you read my stuff a lot now and like when things get every which way, you will think this post is decent.

L is for Locations. I really liked this post. I don’t remember why. It was fun to do. It’s about where I live. Then it turns into why I live in a shitty place.

M is for Millionaire Dog Killers. This I wrote after Michael Vick was given a huge contract for having 6 great games and killing 3 times as many adorable puppies. To say I hope he breaks his neck is an understatement.

N is for New York Laws. It is here that I discuss how silly it is for some of their laws to exist. What laws you ask? Click on the link and find out! I’m such a good salesman.

O is for Obese Twins. There are too many twins where they are both disgustingly fat. That’s what I talk about here. Yeah, it was a slow day.

P is for Pirate Paths. This is not your run-of-the-mill pirate post. It’s more about the meaning of their lives with a few jokes about gays. I don’t know that last part for a fact. I’m assuming because I wrote it.

Q is for Quitters. Some people need to quit. I found two of them.

R is for Religious Brackets. Everyone loves putting things into brackets and finding out who the winner will be. I did it with religions. I even got Dick Vitale to do a voiceover for it. That’s actually a lie. I would never talk to Dick Vitale.

S is for Smarts. No clue what this is about. I’m only posting it because one person commented on it as every retarded person who know in person.

T is for Team Names. This is a post about offensive sports teams names and how we overlook some obviously offensive ones. I’m not much for getting offended about anything. This is more of a satire post. I know, who would have guessed I’d do something sarcastic.

U is for Unknown Origins. I take the time to wonder, where do all of those actors who play Holocaust victims come from? I’ve wondered this for years actually. I may have found my answer.

V is for Villains. There are a lot of bad people out there. I talk about them here. Yeah, I’m not feeling very clever after the first however many letters of the alphabet. 21? Yes because T is the 20th letter. I always remember that because my name begins with it.

W is for Writers. After I posted this, I got 3-4 new followers which at that time was amazing. Now I’m always getting random people following me then never commenting. Are they real or bots? I’m not sure. But thanks shitheads, I guess. Oh and this is about some writing seminar I went to.

X is for X-Rated Film Stars. Honestly, I only wrote this so I’d have something to put here. That shows you how far in advance I planned my 200th blog posting. And I’m waiting about a week in advance to get this done. I stink.

Y is for YouTube Sensations. Do you love it when other people’s lives suck? Read this!

Z is for Zoo Animals. It had to be this one. I never wrote about Zorros or Zuchinnis. Still, this is a pretty good one. We all love the zoo. And now here’s a review, of all the animals there. What is true, is that I wrote it all for you! (I am so poetic)

Since writing this up 2 weeks ago in preparation, I have not only also eclipsed 10,000 views but also 100 blog followers. Whole solid numbers! I love them. The bigger the better.

And finally, a special thank you to all of my readers, followers, people who link me on their blogs, people who comment, people who liked my posts but didn’t really read it, and anyone else who has had anything to do with this blog over the past 200 posts. You guys are tremendous. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d have such a supportive, talented, funny, and sweet group of people to share my blog with and have them share theirs with me. I would call you my friends, but that sounds too lonely and desperate for relationships with others. I’m not like that. I’m more like Dexter. I have no feelings. But yes, I appreciate all of the comments, all of the compliments, and anything else good you have to say to me. It’s a great feeling to know that even though we could all be lying to each other and will most likely never have that big of an impact on each other’s lives, we still matter to each other right now in this moment. Thank you again. Keep up the great work. Keep being yourselves. Please don’t die.

-Tim “Mooselicker” (nobody has ever called me that in real life)

Comments
  1. I did actually read the entirety of this post, but I’ll have to go back and read your 26 posts when I have 3 hours of spare time.

    Congrats on all your fancy stats. I can’t wait til I get 10,000 views.

    • mooselicker says:

      Thanks! No need to read all 26 posts. I wouldn’t expect anyone who doesn’t love me to do that. 1 or 2 are good enough. I promise, the typos in the older ones aren’t that bad before I’d spell check.

  2. HOW FUN. 200 hundred posts and lots of Intertron friends! And I, too, want to read all of the backlog. And I don’t think I could keep up with all of my posts in alphabetical order – I think most of mine would be under B for BEBE. I think it wouldn’t nearly be as funny as these. Congrats, friend!

    • mooselicker says:

      Thanks Jell-Jell! The last month I purposefully expanded my vocabulary to words beginning with the latter part of the alphabet. They turned out to be pretty good ones though so no complaints from me 🙂

      And like I said, no need to read them all. 3 or 4 would be perfectly fine (Yes, each person will get 1 or 2 more posts that I suggest they read).

  3. Cafe23 says:

    Hahaha omg I love that last paragraph. Aww, for a moment there I feel like I saw the softer side of Tim. Until you told us not to die. Lol.

    Congrats on your 200th post! 🙂

  4. PwlDaniels says:

    Looks like I have a few posts to catch up on! Congrats on the big round numbers.

    • mooselicker says:

      Thanks ALLB! Round numbers are my favorite. John Kruk, former first baseman finished his career with 100 home runs, a .300 batting average, in 1200 games. He was also very round shaped. These are a few reasons why I will always love him.

  5. Lily says:

    Aww such a sweet sentiment at the end! Your blog seriously brightens my day! You always make me laugh and you’re a really talented writer. Congrats on 200 posts, over 10,000 views and 100 followers!
    I gotta catch up on some of those posts that I’ve missed though…

    • mooselicker says:

      Thanks for the ass-kissery. You’re a pretty genuine gal so I know that it can’t all be phony 🙂

      Your blog brightens my day too. It’s always the first one I look at. It’s quick, it’s funny, and it’s smart. Feel free to quote me if I ever become someone of note.

  6. renxkyoko says:

    Congratulations ! You’re such a prolific writter I simply can’t catch up anymore… but I try. Will read some of the posts mentioned above.

    Cheers !

    • mooselicker says:

      Awww Ren, you shouldn’t have. You’re the greatest. Thanks for trying to at least keep up. Sometimes I have trouble myself checking out everybody’s blogs that I don’t blame them for missing a few of mine. I realize not everyone will read anything and that’s cool. As long as somebody is reading then I’m smiling.

  7. Pete Howorth says:

    Huzzah! Well done on 200 big ones! Here’s to 200 more, how you churn this pure awesomeness out is beyond me. You’re like a machine.

    • mooselicker says:

      Thanks Pete. Having no social life helps. Having not much desire for anything else and being able to masturbate quickly also is helpful to being able to frequently make new blogs.

  8. AgrippingLife says:

    Congratulations! I love reading your twisted and neurotic thoughts on the world because they often resemble my own! Lol! This is quite an accomplishment, only someone with a skyscraper for a brain could manage it, seriously. Keep up the good work! You’re no Dexter, Tim, just a good and likable guy with a great sense of humor. Sorry.

    • mooselicker says:

      Dexter’s wife gets killed (hope I’m not spoiling that for you, but rather for someone else) so I’ll take that compliment for what it is.

      Thanks Lisa. I’m glad you finally started blogging. I’m enjoying it a lot so far and know things will only get better. This coming from someone with a skyscraper for a mind.

  9. AgrippingLife says:

    Oh, and I read “Locations”
    I thoroughly enjoyed it.
    ; ) I think I use to many smiles?

  10. I believe that Abs was (one of) the first post(s) I read here. I remember comments about pudding lakes in Utah.
    Blogs cause strange conversations… But congratulations anyway!

  11. robpixaday says:

    Wooooohoooooooo!!!!!
    Congratulations!!!!
    ::tosses confetti::
    Wonderful milestones!

    I read every word. Skimming leads to missed laughs.
    Thank you for this alphabet post list and your comments about each. I’ll come back to check it out as soon as I finish clearing the snow/ice/sleet from the driveway, assuming I can still move…LOL

    DEXTER! He’d be an interesting blogger. Imagine his post-kill posts!

    Have you ever done a post about spell-check and how cranky it is? What idiotic suggestions it makes and how snarky it can be? I’d love to see that.

    Wait…is it OK to make requests?

    Anyway, HOOOOOOORAY for your presence here!

    • mooselicker says:

      Haha no never any post about that. I did write two manifestos in my past and the first chapter in one was about spell check. I can’t hate on it too much. My name never comes up as being incorrect which makes me feel like I really do exist, which I’m still unsure about.

      Thanks for the congratulations. Now I have to clean the confetti out of my eyes 🙂

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