Duran Duran Effects

Posted: January 27, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I’m not too familiar with the British band Duran Duran. That’s why this post will start off as a short idea and then turn into something really long. Sorry, I’m lonely and don’t have much else to do but delve into my mind incredibly deep and get as many words as possible into a blog post. Maybe if you’re running late on time that you’ll get lucky and this post won’t be so long. Don’t count on it.

(One day David Bowie’s 5 bisexual children got together and formed a shitty band)

The Duran Duran Effect is a name I came up with. It really has very little to do with the actual band. Honestly, I’m only positive about one of their songs. That’s where the name comes from. Okay, now imagine this is an episode of Cold Case or some other flashback show. Let’s let the cinematography change a bit and then we dissolve to:


Big songs of the era play. What was a big song in 2002? Shit. Kelly Clarkson was probably big back then. Maybe that didn’t happen yet. Didn’t Blondie make a comeback around that year? Okay so whatever shit Blondie was doing that year plays in the background. The setting has been set. Moving forward.

(Blondie’s favorite food, Blondies! Didn’t she get really fat? I can’t find a picture anywhere. Maybe she turned into the dessert)

I’m sitting in front of my computer screen. All of my stories from 2000-present day begin this way. Some involve my pants removed and neatly placed on a nearby chair. This is not one of those stories.

I used to play a lot of Survivor simulation games. That is, a bunch of nerdy fans of reality television shows would get together and mimic the game as best they can. I could go on forever about that. The wars the erupted. The lies that corrupted. The black girl who said that the KKK was after her and I didn’t believe her then she saw a REAL picture of me and said I was cute so I suddenly believed her again. I never would send people real pictures of myself. I for some reason had a picture of a shirtless British kid that I would use instead. That’s probably going to get me arrested somehow.

But anyway, I’m in a chatroom playing one of these games. Things are about to get a little cringe-worthy, at least from my perspective. I was (am) a douche. I’m sorry. South Park had recently had a Christmas episode come out and in one part Santa Claus sings a Duran Duran song. “Her name is Rio and she–dances in the sand!” That’s all Santa got out before Jesus stopped him. I thought this was silly. I remember a popular boy at school quoting it. Hey, I want to be popular. Let me quote it, on the Internet! I’m in the chatroom and I’m a frantic mess trying to impress everyone and make Internet friends. I start quoting Santa covering Duran Duran. I thought it would be silly. One girl who I imagined being really hot but logically couldn’t have been, thinks I’m hilarious. She loves Duran Duran! I’m her new best friend.

(Santa and Jesus doing a duet to raise awareness for cancer and their hatred of Muslims)

Some time passes and we talk again. In another chatroom playing another dumb game based on a reality show. This one might have been The Amazing Race or Celebrity Rehab. You see, that’s a silly joke there. Celebrity Rehab wasn’t on air yet. It wasn’t until 2008 that celebrities could admit they had a problem. For the sake of the story, we’re playing Survivor, again.

This is what the Duran Duran Effect is. It’s making a good first impression and having explosive diarrhea during the second. My verbal diarrhea was so incredibly bad that we never spoke again. She even told me to shut up at one point. I had quickly become her best friend and now I had ruined it by not knowing more than one Duran Duran song. I knew less songs by Duran Duran than the band name contains the word Duran in it.

Songs by Duran Duran that I know – 1

Times the word “Duran” appears in the title of the band Duran Duran – 2

Things turned out for the best I guess. I learned a valuable lesson. Don’t be amazing the first time you meet someone. They expect that for the rest of the time they know you. I have a plan that anyone new I meet that I will act like a complete idiot. Then when I do mental math they will think I am improving. If I had always gotten C’s on my report cards, I wouldn’t have cried the first time I got one. At least it was in 8th grade. I saw a boy cry in 10th grade when he got his first C. Grow up pussy. Welcome to the world of failure.

Here’s a question that you’re all dying to have me ask. Has the Duran Duran Effect ever happened to you? I know, I’m a real cheeky fucker. You actually have to read most of this to even understand what it means. I didn’t ask some rhetorical question where you can answer without reading a thing.

  1. I was in college when Duran Duran was the hottest band in the universe. It’s okay to be jealous.

    If the Duran Duran Effect ever took place, it was probably me thinking I was cooler than I was and trying to live up to my own idea of myself in the second meeting, only to be faced with the reality that this person didn’t even know who I was. Haha! Serves me right!

    • mooselicker says:

      Hmmm if I only had enough fingers to count how often that has happened to me. I think I subconsciously wait a month before opening up to someone. That way they’re just amazed that I have a personality by then.

  2. I have the DDE when I play any game. Dominoes, cards, scrabble. I start off really strong and get kind of cocky…not enough to put my foot in my mouth, but I get a big smile on my face that I don’t hide well enough. And other people get mad that I patronize them by saying they are playing well, too. Then I start losing. Big time. I always called it beginner’s luck. I don’t know if it’s the same thing as what you wrote about because people liked me once I was losing.

    • mooselicker says:

      This has never happened to me. I don’t seem to ever win at board games or card games. Bad luck maybe? I’m cocky anyway. Each time any one little good thing happens I celebrate. I’d be an awful poker player. Or the best. I’d act as if everything I did was a flawless victory. That has to work on someone.

  3. Lily says:

    I think the Duran Duran Effect applies to marriage. At first, when we were dating, I dressed super cute everyday, had so much energy, overly social, etc. Now that we’re married, Paul knows the real me. I wore the same jeans 3 days in a row and it’s all gone downhill from there.
    Is that what you’re talking about?

    • mooselicker says:

      Pretty much. I think every relationship is like that. First date you look amazing and before you know it you’re shitting with the door open in front of them. I don’t know if that’s sad or beautiful.

  4. Cafe23 says:

    You know what’s so interesting about your posts? That you can take a topic and turn it into a totally unexpected post. I really thought that “Duran Duran Effects” was going to be (mostly) about the band. But no, the main story is about you playing Survivor games lol. But then again, you did warn us in the first paragraph that something like this might happen =P

    • mooselicker says:

      Thank you? There really isn’t anything interesting about Duran Duran. I didn’t even go to their Wikipedia page to find out any facts. I could go more indepth on playing online Survivor simulation games…I’m not exactly sure how interesting that might be. Here are just a few quick notes if you are intersted:

      -I saw two people have cybersex in a chatroom and I kept saying insulting things the entire time
      -I had a fake screen name SeattleChick88 and my friend flirted with “her” and said that I was fat to her (this was for the game The Mole if you remember the TV show at all then it might make more sense)
      -Everyone that played these games were fat and alone

      • Cafe23 says:

        Haha, yes it was a compliment 🙂
        May I ask what kind of insulting things you were saying? Or would it not be appropriate to share?
        No, I don’t remember the game The Mole. Awww what a dumb friend. Well, if you say everyone that played those games were fat and alone, I guess he must’ve been too….

      • mooselicker says:

        He was thin and alone. But hey, loneliness is loneliness.

        I don’t remember any of the things I said. This was 10 years ago now? Probably stuff like “put it in her butt” Butt ist the least sexy word imaginable.

  5. Cafe23 says:

    Lol okay maybe I’m glad you don’t remember what you said =P

  6. breezyk says:

    I have this pretty bad… which is why I try to only meet everyone once, I find it so frustrating when the same damn people keep showing up in my life

    • mooselicker says:

      I never thought about trying that. I make sure I don’t learn someone’s name until after two meetings. Sometimes that turns them off. Next time I meet someone new I will wow them then vanish. I will be so cool and mysterious.

  7. Excellent post. At first I thought you meant that you played these survivor games in real life with people.

    The amount of time I spent in those Yahoo chatrooms back in the day. Christ.

    I think I have usually had the DDE effect when I have first met someone in the pub whilst drunk and then seen them a while later whilst sober.

    • mooselicker says:

      Oh no I was never that big a nerd. Or that social.

      Alcohol probably always does this. I know I’ve met girls and thought “Wow she’s amazing” then I sober up a bit or find her on Facebook and think “Wow she’s plain. Just because she was from Brazil I thought she was hot? I stink.”

  8. renxkyoko says:

    Your posts are truly cringe -worthy…..and lovin’ them.

    Cheers !

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