Posted: February 29, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I am getting old. Yes, 24 isn’t that old. It feels it though. There are people on MTV dating shows 6 years younger than me. I was already getting picked on in first grade when these people were popping out of their mothers. 18-year-old girls are almost off-limits for me. It’s getting to a point where I’m creepy to them. It happened so fast too. I remember when I was 20 and 18-year-olds thought I was the man. They assumed I had my shit together and that made me cool in their high school eyes. I still don’t have my shit together and I’m worrying that people are about to notice. I can only hide for so long that I haven’t achieved a single thing in life worth bragging about.

(Gia is worth bragging about. Gia’s mother’s life is empty though. She hasn’t achieved much that she has to brag that Gia can count backwards quickly)

The idea that the thought of “21-year-olds are so disrespectful. When I was that age I was nicer to older people. I showed them respect” popped into my head recently scares me. When I was that age? When I was that age nothing in the world was different. That was barely 3 years ago. Still, I believe it to be true. 21-year-olds aren’t nearly as polite to me as I was to 24-year-olds when I was that age. They’re standoffish and cocky. They don’t come to me for advice or think of me as their older brother. No. Instead they’re too busy getting girls that I should be getting. Stupid 21-year-olds. You shouldn’t have all this figured out yet!

It’s safe to say that all 21-year-olds are pretty damn stupid. I can say that. I was 21 at one point. An entire year! Everything I did was stupid. Do you know how I got less stupid? I listened to what older people had to say. Without knowing it, they helped guide me into the confused 24-year-old I am right now. I would be even more lost in the world if it wasn’t for their semi-help. The problem with people who are 21 is that they’re far away enough from living under the tyranny of high school but also haven’t really lived in the real world. Yes, it’s annoying to have to call the power company. It’s part of growing up. I am always being called sir. I hate when cute girls do it. It makes me feel like I could be their father. Making me think that makes me think about time travel then I get nervous. What if she is my daughter? She traveled back in time to meet me then tried offering me a free water bottle if I signed up for some stupid contest.

If you’re 21 and reading this, you’re probably furious. I know, I know. You’ve got it all handled. May I suggest though that you print this out and put it in a time capsule? Open it in 3 years and realize how little things still make sense. Sure, you’ll be a little smarter and wiser. You’ll also probably hate the newest drinkers at the bars. It’s always easy to hate people younger than you. Especially when they’re 21. Nobody at 21 accomplishes a thing. All you do is drink and try to convince yourself that the meaning of life is moments away from entering your brain. Sorry, but it’s not. You’re in for a whole hell lot more of confusion and frustration. Welcome to the rest of your life, slowly watching your body decay.

(Sid Vicious has being 21 all figured out. He managed to kill himself before reaching 22)

I’m never a good example for anything. I’m too nice of a person. My dad’s old password for AOL was “timisgoo” which was supposed to be “tim is good” but he insisted that the “d” would go over the 16 character password limit. I was such a good kid that being good was what my dad associated with me above all else. I always show respect to others. I hold doors, once helped a woman move a carpet, and never over stay my welcome. I’ve only pinched one girl’s butt and she didn’t even notice. She was a descendant of Winston Churchill’s, you kinda-gotta pinch it. That’s why I don’t blame anyone who is 21 for being such a cock. I’m so incredibly good that by comparison, everyone seems like a disrespectful ass.

This is all I want from 21-year-olds. Don’t be loud. That simple. Don’t be so incredibly loud and invasive that I notice you. You can be as mean and rude as you want. You’re young and can get away with it. But don’t be loud. Give my ears a break from you. Destroy the rest of my senses as much as you would like. Have gross offensive to the eyes hair, don’t bathe frequent enough where I can smell it, and touch me inappropriately. I don’t know how one would go about invading my taste buds. I think I have tasted a 21-year-old at one point and I don’t remember them ever tasting badly. She was quite rude though. She told me that I kissed too fast and to keep my hat on. Picky! Picky!

(The only thing from 1991 worth acknowledging)

  1. The best thing about twenty one year olds is that there are twenty of them.

    Individually they are ok but the more you get in one group the more of a retard they become. I would like to hit them round the head with a frying pan.

    Some of the girls are amazing looking though. I swear there weren’t that many good looking girls when I was that age.

    • mooselicker says:

      When I was 21 and saw 18 year olds I thought the same thing. Where were all these tall thin Godesses when I was in school? But looking back, I think I was picky. 21 year olds should be seen, not heard or given equal rights.

  2. dan says:

    I agree, If you can cut a girl out of the herd, her IQ goes up. Inversely the more of them are the dumber they are. It seems they pick the stupid ones to run the group. Now that I’m old I know how to have young girls as friends without them thinking I’m creepy. I think I’m creepy but they don’t.

    • mooselicker says:

      I don’t know how to have any type of friend without being creepy. Teach me your secrets.

      Perhaps 21-year-olds have a maximum capacity of brain power. They can only be as smart as 2 people no matter how many are present. That’s why I hate college sports. Why root for a dumb kid?

  3. AgrippingLife says:

    Timisgoo makes me sad. It makes me love your dad and love you. Seriously, this one small bit is my favorite thing you’ve ever written.

    • mooselicker says:

      Why’s that make you sad? I think I need to reread something.

      His second password was “erinisba” Erin is my sister. She was the bad one.

      • AgrippingLife says:

        It makes me sad in a good way. Like when something is so sweet and kind it just reduces everything down to it’s most vital parts. All that’s left is the goodness. If I use the word “little” here, Lily will know exactly what I’m talking about.

        So to recap this is sad and little.

        Haha! About Erin!

  4. Lily says:

    I totally know what my mom is saying. It’s just so sweet “timisgoo” aww. I also like that my mom signed her name, just in case you might have forgotten who wrote it. Heh.
    I remember turning 21. UGgh. It’s all downhill from there.
    It’s weird because during a Christmas party this year, I was talking to an 18 year old and I was thinking, hey, I can relate to her, I was just 18. Then I thought about it. 6 years ago. She probably thought I was so creepy and couldn’t relate to anything she was saying. We’re old now.

    • mooselicker says:

      I’ll never understand your family…

      I know what you mean about 18 year olds. I remember 2 years ago being at some party and a 16 year old was there. I was the oldest person by 2 years. I think it’s around 22 years of age where a person really hits their stride. Once you’re out of school and realize you have the rest of your life to do whatever you want. Nothing is mandatory.

      21 year olds are stuck in the frame of mind that they’ve lived enough life. They have professors telling them how unique they are. Colleges are nothing more than cults with red cup parties. Jonestown for example.

  5. I always die too late, every time I come back to this place…

  6. Addie says:

    Soon, you’ll have shoes you still wear that are 21. Not that I do. Don’t keep underwear that long. Keep the Dad memory, though. It’s a great one.

    • mooselicker says:

      I have some underwear that’s around 6 years old. They’re starting to break down too much though. I should probably get rid of them. Too many good memories of girls having no interest in seeing them.

  7. I feel the same way way about 13-year-olds. They are so respectless and annoying.
    But who says younger girls wouldn’t like you anymore? Look at Michael and me; he’s 32 and I’m 17. You still have a chance ;).

  8. Pete Howorth says:

    I can’t remember what I was like at 21, probably more bad tempered. I remember what I was like when I was 19, I had a real bad attitude. I can’t ever remember being disrespectful to my elders when I hit early 20s though, now I’m approaching late 20s and all I want to be is left alone. Damn young ones. How I hate you.

    • mooselicker says:

      I had more friends in their 30s when I was 21 than any other age. It was kind of the group I hung around and I didn’t have much of a choice, but I was always very respectful. Kids these days…

      I think all 19 yr olds have bad attitudes. I know that was my peak of fuck-uped-ness. Too young to be a real adult yet too old to be a kid.

  9. Cafe23 says:

    LOL that is definitely one thing I notice now that I’m older about younger people — they are so damn loud! I know I was as loud as them at one point, but I guess my ears are a lot more sensitive now.
    You’re also right about 21-years old being in that sort of lost zone. I was definitely lost at 21. And when I was your age, I was a little bit more found, but I think I really got it together not too long ago at 28, 29 (not that there’s more learning to be had!). It’s an interesting journey, the 20s 🙂

    • mooselicker says:

      I feel weird knowing how old you are now 😛 <—-that face

      I worry that you think of me as I think of those who are 18 and I don't think fondly of them. But I guess the difference between 18 and 22 is a lot bigger than say 24 and 30. I think when you hit 26, 27 you think you've found the answers. Then at around 35 you realize you still have time to do something better. My sister's 34 so I'm like a semi-expert at this.

      • Cafe23 says:

        LOL no, I don’t think of you like that at all, don’t worry =P haha! now I can’t make that face without thinking hard about it!
        I totally agree with your semi-expertise on this 😉

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