Butts

Posted: April 14, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Everyone has one. Some smaller than others. I’ve been told by some people I barely have one. Other people tell me that mine is way too big. Of course I’m talking about personalities. Not butts like you had thought. There are certain personalities that I want to talk about. A certain select group of people. They’re your friends, family, and enemies. They’re people who are always the butt of the joke.

Through my life I have been fortunate enough to not be this type of person. Sure, there have been times where jokes were made at my expense. Big deal. Parents, teachers, and my grandma are cruel. I’ve been picked on many times in my life. To be a butt of a joke you have to be picked on by your actual friends. My friends never picked on me much. I remember one time at lunch someone was trying to tell me that someone else said something bad about me, but that someone received an elbow to the ribs and Gogurt got shot everywhere. I never did find out the cruel insult that my friend had said about me when I was absent the previous day. My guess is that it had something to do with my poor choice of friends and how only the losers surround me. Yeah, that’s definitely it.

(There’s definitely innuendo going on in this photo with that smiling teenage boy)

Not everyone is me though. I had a baseball coach who once said that he wished every boy on the team was like me. A hard worker, a nice kid, and supple butt cheeks for slapping. I have had friends who were always the butt of the joke. I have also had enemies who were. One friend always got made fun of in math class. I never got why. He was such  a nice person but everyone felt the need to insult him and say his name. I guess he had one of those names that rolled off the tongue. Like Studebaker. He was a new kid at one point and my first time I ever seeing him he was playing on the black ice behind the school wearing sweat pants. He was pretending to figure skate on this wintry wonder. While standing and talking in a conversation, he would at times lift up his leg like women do when kissing in romantic comedies. Whatever happened to me friend you ask? He’s Facebook friends with me and I still haven’t figured out how to navigate the timeline feature so I can’t really stalk him. He’s alive though. I guess things worked out.

(My friend in 3rd grade picture here on the left. So proud of him for making a stock photo. I don’t remember him looking so hot)

I had another friend who was always the butt of the joke. Unlike the previous one mentioned, this guy embraced it. He made it his gimmick. Everyone knew him as the guy to mess with if you wanted to feel better about yourself. It helped. Like really. I don’t think I would have been able to survive without him. We’d be together and bullies would approach. They’d have amazing insults to hurl at us. Their eyes would shift back and forth then they’d remember that he was the butt and I was more like the arm pit. He’d get a lashing while I stood there trying to add on tags which eventually led to me being a cool kid. I might be exaggerating this a bit, but the point I’m making is that I like to be around people who get made fun of a lot. It helps my flaws go slightly unnoticed.

The key to being the butt of the joke is to be a mean person who will fight back. I never fought back. A bully would push me then pinch my fat and I wouldn’t do a thing about it. I’d stare at him or her. Usually him. If a girl was going around pinching me I wouldn’t be complaining. Bullies love kids who don’t fight back, but eventually they start to feel guilty. If you start trying to insult them back with really bad insults like “shut up” or “so? I can jump higher than you” (I actually heard that one in high school) then you will continue to be the ass of insults. Another important factor is to have a very obvious flaw. Either you’re fat, a nerd, have few friends, or you sat at my 6th grade lunch table. Those are the main ones I’ve encountered.

(Say what you want about her horrible Eastern European country, she can jump higher than you can. That makes her better than you)

All-in-all being the butt of a joke isn’t the worst thing the world. It’s a good attention grabber. It gives you a place in a circle of friends. The way to get out of being the butt of the joke is to stop being such a loser. Really, it’s not that hard. If people make fun of you for having a lousy personality maybe you should behave differently. I sincerely believe that we’re all a little fake. If we were who we all really wanted to be we’d be killing and napping all the time. At least I would be. Is there anything better than an afternoon siesta or ramming a nail into the face of an enemy? Cheesecake. That’s like both of them in one.

Comments
  1. I was asked recently to speak at this singles conference. They wanted me to help people become more self aware and confident so that they could find a partner/mate, whatever. I wanted to do it but I couldn’t fit it in my schedule. I just feel so bad for people that struggle with social skills. It seems like such a no brainer. Some people just don’t know how to be anything other than their nerdy little selves. : ( I was the one in grade and middle school who’d always stick up for the kid getting bullied. I’d step right into the fray. Now when I look back it makes me happy that I was that person. No regrets.

    • Mooselicker says:

      I wonder if people always behaved like that. Like I can’t imagine a Confederate soldier ever being weary. You can always spot people like this can’t you? From a mile away you know what someone else’s problem is. Not necessarilly how to fix it, but you know it’s there. I think it’s mostly fear that holds people back. But it’s fear of what’s already true.

      I know I made my fair share of friends because we shared bullies.

      • AgrippingLife says:

        You seem too aware and smart to ever have been bullied. Maybe when you were young you were just Timisgoo? The sensitive kids always get picked on. : (

      • Mooselicker says:

        Thank you for the kind words about my present state but yes I was always picked on. But I never really fought back so I think they got bored. It was the emotional “curl up into a ball” that got me through it.

  2. marcmarrs says:

    Dear Licker: Have you ever drank ASS beer, you can find it in the South. It kicks butt. You’re cool. MM

  3. robpixaday says:

    Wow. It’s awful that people treat other people that way; I’m sorry it happened to you.
    ((hugs))

    • Mooselicker says:

      Oh it never happened to me. I’ve never been THE butt of THE joke. The butt of jokes but not of THE joke. I’m saying “the” like “thee” for emphasis. I’ll still take the hug.

  4. Addie says:

    I must never read your well written articles while eating cold orential food after writing an exhausting tarot for someeone. Never. I’m also envious I know someone who has a schedule to work stuff in and out of which is very cool. People usually just make fun to my face. They’ll make ‘friends’, then, when I walk over later and say hi, just stare at me or something. Tres embarassing.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Should you eat cold oriental food in general? Also, aren’t only rugs oriental now? That’s like offensive to people somehow now.

      Sounds like you’re meeting some evil women. You should spit on them every time you see them. That way they will for sure remember you. Even if you’re the gross person who spits in their faces.

  5. Emily He says:

    I am the butt of all my friends’ jokes, and I admit that I enjoy it. It means they acknowledge all the stupid, perverted jokes I’ve made in my life, the ones that only I laugh at. Giving me such attention means they care about me and they love me. Yes sometimes they can be mean and annoying, but most of the time I just laugh with them because I can handle laughing at myself. In fact, I think I’m pretty f$^($#^ hilarious! At least amongst my friends…

    • Mooselicker says:

      You’re such a submissive! I could so see you going to a dominatrix and asking her to insult your face just for a few giggles. Most butts of the joke probably do at least somewhat like it. At least you admit your love of that sort of attention. Just don’t snap and kill a lot of people one day. I’m always afraid of that.

  6. Lily says:

    I actually like to be the butt of harmless jokes around my friends. If it was constant, then no. But every now and then I get a little jab and it makes me laugh. Plus, I like the attention. If someone constantly chooses me to make fun of, I just assume he/she’s in love with me. Isn’t that our go-to thought process?

    • Mooselicker says:

      Hmmm I forget that people make fun of people that they’re secretly in love with. That seems so instinctual that it’s never something I even think about. Could it also be that they hate their love for the other person and are trying to lower that other person’s image in their own head so they might fall out of love with them? You’ve proposed a sequel to my thoughts.

  7. It is better to be the butt of the joke than the joke of the butt… Confucius…. or maybe it was Capt. Kangaroo…

  8. Halfway through this post I got sidetracked and youtubed Sir Mix-a-lot’s “Big butts”. So catchy. Anyway, I hate bullies. I got picked on in school all the time. One time when I was in grade 4, this girl on my bus threw all my books on the floor, emptied out my water bottle onto them and then called me four eyes…because of my glasses 😦

    She now follows my blog 😀 And she wears glasses 😀

    So I’m not bitter anymore because clearly I’m better than her.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Haha I don’t think any of my bullies follow my blog. Unless you count as a bully of mine. I used to think Cafe (Janice) was really mean. You can tell how sensitive I am from that.

      I didn’t realize people actually were ever called four-eyes. That seems so…tame? But I understand. Hardly did a day pass when I wasn’t bullied for something or other. Us victims turn out so normal though don’t we? Maybe not normal. Interesting and cool is more like it.

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