Think of your favorite cartoon character. Are you thinking of it? Does this character wear clothes? No? You’re a pervert. If you answered yes, continue on. What kind of clothes does this cartoon character wear? I mean each episode. Because a normal human being would change their clothing. But not a cartoon character. They wear the same damn clothes every damn day. Except sometimes during flashbacks or special occasions. Like that Flinstones episode where Fred had to attend Pebbles’ funeral. That was a real downer but we got to see Fred in a suit. This observation and obsession of mine has made me more aware of the clothing that actual life action humans wear. Freaky thing about this is that sometimes there are real people who dress like cartoons. People who always seem to wear the same thing every day.

(He sure seems chipper to be at his daughter’s funeral. Must have wanted a boy)

The only joke I’ve ever seen in a cartoon about this was on an episode of Doug. Doug, who always wore a green vest with a white shirt underneath, opened up his closet to reveal an entire rack full of the same outfit. In real life, few people own multiple versions of the same outfit. Or do they? I haven’t been in too many closets. That’s where monsters and homosexuals hide. My closet is full of mostly black shirts, but they’re all different. That’s more than certain people can say. People who I would like to ridicule for having inconsistent cycles of clothing wear.

I worry about stupid things. One of my big worries is that someone will notice that I’ve worn the same shirt in the same week. Luckily I don’t have enough quarters to do laundry that consistently. Phew! I also perfected the strategy of throwing on a button up shirt or sweatshirt so that nobody will see that I’m wearing the same thing as yesterday. I don’t do this often, but sometimes I do. You know, for good luck and such. If a rabbit’s foot, a horse shoe, or a coin can be lucky, surely my body odor can be too.

(Clearly the smelly men in this picture are the lucky ones. All that medical school to do this for a living)

To me, the unwritten rule of wearing clothes is don’t get caught looking dirty. Women own so many clothes that if I notice you wear the same thing a lot you’re doing something wrong. Men get a little more leniency. Don’t tell me this is a double-standard. I hate that excuse. Complaining that something is a double-standard is your way of admitting you think what you’re doing is wrong. If it didn’t bother you so much you wouldn’t be trying to justify it. So be comfortable with what a horrible person you are already.

(“If I killed only the French nobody would have minded. Such a double standard” – Charlie Chaplin lookalike winner 1938)

Pants vary from shirts with these laws. I think you can wear pants more often than you can wear a shirt. Why? Well a shirt will touch your gross disgusting body more. At least pants have your underwear to protect your fabric a bit. But the problem with pants is that you need to make sure they’re not a loud pair that you wear more than one day in a row. I know this guy, we’ll call him Sniffy because he always seems to move around a lot like a dog sniffing. He really irks me. I want to smack his nose and tell him to stop moving around. He’s way too young to give the Parkinson’s excuse. And he has neat girlish handwriting so he’s just being a nuisance to me.

(Knock it off! Find a place to shit and be done with it you grape colored dog)

Sniffy wore the same loud obnoxious cranberry colored pants three days in a row. They were the color of red velvet cake. I know I shouldn’t associate another man’s lower half with a delicious dessert, but that’s what it made me think of. What kind of man buys cranberry jeans? It’s the same shade as the rope at the movie theater and probably felt as soft. I don’t know. I’m not about to ask to rub his knees to find out. He has another pair whose color reminds me of a mermaid’s fin. They’re a very soft solid blue. My reasoning for noticing his pants so much is that I have bad eyesight and see colors stronger than anything else. I will also claim that I sit low in my chair and my eyes are around crotch level. Making eye contact is a strain on my neck. I have to keep it level. It’s not like I know the fly on each of these pants is silver-colored–

I’ve known two other people who always wore the same sweatshirt. Every day. All times of the year. The same exact outfit. Both these guys were pretty weird in general so I guess that wasn’t a concern of theirs. Even if it’s not the same shirt, you need some sort of rotation. I once kept track of a friend’s shirts and how often he would wear them. It took only about a month before I realized a pattern. Certain shirts were worn early in the week while others were purely bought for weekend purposes. He probably secretly called them his party shirts. I know I would. Super Mario fist pumping is the definition of a party.

(This should screams “I don’t live with my mother, she lives with me”)

What is your strategy to make sure you don’t wear the same thing every time you see a certain person? Please note that wearing something you don’t like that your grandmother gave you every time you see her doesn’t count. That’s not gross. That’s trying to make an old hag smile at her awful gift idea.

Comments
  1. I like it when you wear the coal-black shirt… but you look stupid in the midnight-black one. It clashes with your soul… And Charley Chaplin hadn’t invaded France yet in 1938… unless you count that other time in 1914… or the time in 18… never mind….I used to watch Doug with Jessica. I miss that show… and to hide the fact that I don’t change my cloths, I am going to evolve an exoskeleton. It may take me a few weeks.

  2. Lauren says:

    Cracking up. Love this!

  3. Lily says:

    In high school I used to pride myself on never wearing the same outfit twice. I had so many clothes. I still do, but I find myself resorting to the same old jeans and v-necks all the time. I have a bunch of cardigans and I have the v-necks in 5 or 6 different colors. So If I just keep mixing them up, I’m never actually a repeat offender.
    I know that episode of Doug. He was the best. His sister Judy always made me happy. Why isn’t Honker Burger a real place yet? They should have made it by now.
    Iknew this guy in England who wore a Green Day hoodie literally everyday. He smelled like BO so you knew that he literally never washed it. Barf.

    • Mooselicker says:

      The constant hoodie wearers always have obnoxious colors don’t they? I knew a guy who chose neon orange. What a dweeb!

      I’m amazed that you had that many clothes. That would mean if you had perfect attendance you had 180 outfits. Maybe you took off one day a week every other week like I did which would be less impressive. I’ll never understand you girls and your clothes. Us guys have a favorite shirt and we stick to it.

  4. The Waiting says:

    Well, you have totally beaten me to the punch in writing about how cartoons always wear the same thing. But you did it a lot better than I could and I got a laugh out of it, and for that I thank you.

    My husband really doesn’t care about his clothes at all, which is evident in the fact that I have personally bought all his clothes since before we got married an he has no interest in shopping for himself. Yet he is really anal about making sure that he wears no repeats within a ten day period, even if the clothes are clean.

    • Mooselicker says:

      If you didn’t have children together I would suggest your husband is gay. 10 days is definitely anal. Sunday-Saturday is more along my terms.

      I think you should write up that blog post anyway. I’m sure there are things I forgot.

  5. Addie says:

    My characters were Foghorn Leghorn and Wil E Coyote, so, I read the rest of the post to be polite as I failed immediately.

    I wear jeans and teeshirts and cardigans or button down shirts because I like how crisp they feel. I iron everything, except my bra.

    Does that gain me points?

    • Mooselicker says:

      I wasn’t aware that I was supposed to keep score. I thought this was like Whose Line Is It Anyway? where they points don’t matter. You would get points if one day you wore a wrinkly shirt and the next you wore the same shirt yet it was perfectly ironed. That’s kind of like a new outfit, right?

  6. tadams4u says:

    First… You captured the laws of repeat clothes perfectly. Everyone does it. If they say they don’t they lie. Lol

    And I love Family Guy. They never change except in some flashbacks .

    • Mooselicker says:

      Lois’s clothes are different back when she was a rich daddy’s girl. I think Peter always has some type of green pants. Who really wears green pants other than recycling center workers?

      Thanks for the compliments. I’ve been telling people for years how much I know about law.

  7. I don’t wear the same top twice in a row, but at the same time I never wash them after wearing them only once. If it isn’t actually dirty or smelly I don’t see the point; white things are obviously treated a bit differently though.

    • Mooselicker says:

      I avoid white clothing almost all together. Too easy to stain. I can’t go my entire life eating nothing but vanilla yogurt and mayonaisse. I agree though. Not everything needs a wash right away.

  8. I don’t know if you recall but I have previously declared that I could wear a uniform for the rest of my life. I’d like one of those black socialist China get-ups, with the mandarin collar. I think they’re very flattering. I have no problem wearing the same clothes everyday. As long as they’re clean, washing every third day, I’m good to go. My wardrobe is basically all black anyway, so people can’t differentiate.
    In psychology there’s something called “Erikson’s Imaginary Audience.” It usually takes place during the teen years when adolescents mistakenly believe everyone is looking at them. haha! Having a fear of going to the food buffet more than once or wearing the same clothes 2 days in a row falls under this category. Bottom line, people are more anxious about themselves than they are about keeping track of others. (You may be the exception, Tim.)

    • Mooselicker says:

      Hmmm I’m happy that this is an actual disease. Maybe happy isn’t the word. I feel more included however. I think it’s more that I do want to feel included. Like for instance if I notice someone else wears the same shirt within 5 days I can justify wearing the same one in 6 days because I’m not as stinky as they are.

      Buffets are much different for me than anything else. I would never go to into a donut shop and get a donut but once I’m at a buffet I’ve already admitted defeat. If I don’t eat more than everyone else there I feel like I’ve been screwed over in some form.

      I could get behind a uniform as well. But I wouldn’t want to be the only one doing it. Again, the need to belong.

  9. Cafe says:

    For a girl, I’m pretty liberal with the rule of wearing things more than once in the same week. I dunno, I just don’t really care. Like you said, it’s just about keeping it clean =P

  10. Pete Howorth says:

    I have four long sleeve t-shirts in the same style because they’re awesome but whenever I see anyone I’m usually only ever wearing one of the four t-shirts. So they now think I only have one t-shirt and never wash it =/ then I make them smell my pits to prove that I’m clean.

    • Mooselicker says:

      What else are armpits for? I realize that almost every picture I have taken of me I’m wearing one of two shirts. I think I might be wearing them both right now. It’s good to have shirt that look very similar. So even if you do wear the same one you can say to someone “No, they just look alike”

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