We have no cure for cancer. After millions of dollars being poured into research, nothing. I don’t even know how you would go about trying to find a cure. My mind still works the way people’s did in the Civil War, cut it off if there’s a problem. But we can’t have everyone running around with cut off breasts, testicles, and brains. Still, some diseases have cures. One horrific disease, boredom, has the perfect cure. That cure is visiting an online forum.

If you’ve never visited an online forum you’re either lying or have never tried to kill yourself. The people on the suicide forums aren’t nearly as interesting as you would think. I used to peruse them late at night. I’m not exactly sure why. Plans to kill myself never got further than looking up at tall buildings thinking it would hurt really bad if I fell off. I would still recommend everyone make an account on one of these forums at some point. Either to help out some sad poet or to feel better about yourself. I’m guilty of them both.

(More poets should be like Edgar Alan Poe. He only whined about his lost Lenore. Not about how hard it is to get out of bed for a well paying job everyday)

Most large websites have forums. They allow for fans, or in most cases enemies, of the sites to express their opinions and bully 12-year-olds who post there. I believe bullying was invented to be used on forums. It’s the great place to shit talk and make someone feel like they’re subhuman. You not only get to hide behind a computer screen, you also are able to publicly showcase your insults to the rest of the members. It’s like that saying, if you calling someone retarded for having a lame opinion and there’s no one else around to see your great insult, does it hurt as badly? I’m not sure what the answer is because I might have used a double negative. Point is, online forums are a great place to make people hate themselves.

Personally I have never been bullied on a forum. It’s probably because I always forget my passwords and never log back to see the responses. The few forums I have posted on though I have always felt stupid after doing so. Fitness forums can be pretty bad. It’s a bunch of meatheads with how much weight they can move in a certain way posted under their misspelled opinions. I’m sure most of these guys are as strong as they claim to be. It’s not like most are closeted homosexuals trying to impress other men on the Internet. Why else would they post YouTube videos of them squatting shirtless in shorts? Anyway, if you hate being bullied avoid asking any question on a fitness forum. You will be met with a thousand opinions by a hundred guys who date a mirror.

There are a few terms on forums that you may need to know incase you’re thinking about signing up for one. The first is Signature Picture. These are the images used at the bottom of every post made. One time I made a “Sig Pic” on a wrestling forum. I’m like Internet famous. I’m Tub Girl only more blurry and covered in less fecal matter. There’s also the term “Moderator” which is important on forums. This lets you know which members don’t have senses of humor or real jobs.

(Every time Undertaker27 tells you about his lame opinion, you can see me in the center in front of a lime green sign with a rope going in front of my face. At least this picture confirms I am a half-inch taller than my friend)

I’ve been a moderator on two forums in my life. Both were on websites that my friend created. The first was a professional wrestling based forum which went nowhere. The second was a pornography based forum which went nowhere. Here’s a tip, don’t have a website about porn without any actual porn. It really is like that old joke of getting Playboy for the articles. So few people joined that we began to create fake accounts to encourage new people to sign up. I didn’t even know anything about pornography. All I knew to do was use names like Amber and Xilda, the standard porn names. A few Arab guys joined but never discussed anything. But really, who wants to talk about porn? What would you even say? “Did you see the rack on that one? Boy she knows how to make a man smile!” Two people who I knew joined. One had red hair and the other was a girl with thyroid problems. You’re only as good as the company you keep–

Like with anything on the Internet, things are negative. Forums are no different. People just love to be assholes online. This makes me believe that people are assholes deep down inside. Give them an anonymous nickname, an avatar of Captain America with a large erection, a lifetime of never fitting in and you have a mean Internet troll. Never post something you’re proud of online. If it ever becomes big your ego will be destroyed within 5 minutes. Yeah, people will be talking about. But you’ll be the new Rebecca Black. Nobody wants to be the new Rebecca Black. That’s too much pressure. You have to live up to being such shit.

(This face makes me hate the beginning of the weekend)

  1. Stuck in a tree says:

    “Did you see the rack on that one? Boy she knows how to make a man smile!”

    hahaha best line ever.

  2. Pete Howorth says:

    Haha I used to post on wrestling forums, not so much anymore though. I barely have time to blog let alone go reading n00b’s opinyunz on who Brock Lesnar’s gonna beat up next.

    And I love how you replaced Zachs face for Santino’s, keeping with the times 😀

    Which green sign at you stood in front of? Can’t believe you were there, you bitch!

    Anyway, there’s bound to be a cure for cancer but of course why would they release it when it generates so much money? It’s a virus, all virus’ can be cured. Conspiracy I’m telling you.

    • Mooselicker says:

      I actually wasn’t the replacer. Wrestling Forums always tells me I don’t have rights. I only really go on there to read spoilers or see how wrong everyone is.

      I’m infront of the lime green sign right in the middle. It looks like I am peering into CM Punk’s arm pit.

      When was the last time a young wealthy person died of cancer? You’re onto something. I think a few members of the Illuminati still read my blog. Watch yourself.

  3. The Waiting says:

    I once posted a myth on the Mythbusters forum and some guy commented multiple times on how stupid it was and therefore I was and how “everyone knows” that the myth had absolutely no plausibility. Sorry, but isn’t that the point of the Mythbusters? To check things that one would assume are not possible? It made me sad, mostly bc I was already having a bad day and I didn’t need some Internet nerd to make me feel worse.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Haha that’s a pretty good one. Isn’t science in general supposed to be disproving your own beliefs? I hate Internet arguments. You know it’s always some hunchbacked man with a pencil mustache too but you can never prove it.

      What was the myth anyway?

      • The Waiting says:

        It was about medieval pregnancy tests where you pee on a combination of herbs and seeds and depending on what sprouted, you would know if you were preggo and also the sex of the baby.

      • Mooselicker says:

        YOU SO STUPID!

        That’d be a great thing even for an episode based around either Medieval practices or pregnancy in general. Like even if they know it’s not true I’ve never heard about that and it’s pretty interesting.

  4. Smaktakula says:

    Great post! You know, I’m like Tub Girl, too! Sadly, covered in MORE fecal matter…

  5. Addie says:

    I always loved when they finally get to the point where spell you as yuo. You know you’ve been pwned then. Not that I ever was.

  6. I’m proud to say I’ve never ever been to a forum. You know me, I can barely use wordpress. A forum seems so beyond me! Haha!

  7. Lily says:

    The last time I participated in forum bullying was probably when I was 12. I used to go on this AOL teen forum and omg did people fight. It was crazy. I loved it. My brother loved it. I remember we would sit side by side at the computer calling people Jesus freaks. I don’t know why we thought that was such a diss, but it turned out to be pretty memorable.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Haha I imagine most of the people on those forums were gothic 16 year olds and calling them a Jesus freak was the worst thing they’d want to be called anyway. I used to hate those “bonfire” chatrooms where everyone pretends they’re at a bonfire. I could never pick up on the gimmick and they’d all yell at me for bringing a beach ball then tell me to go to the pool party chatroom. I actually made a really good Internet friend out of an American Idol chatroom where I’d go in and say stupid shit all night long. We’re such good friends I’m not quite sure which one of my many Internet friends I used to make it was.

  8. Top post this one.

    It really is remarkable how obnoxious some people are on those forums. Back in my World of Warcraft days I would read the official WoW forum.

    Chock full of angry nerds screaming at anyone who wasn’t perfect at the game.

    So very sad.

    • Mooselicker says:

      I still don’t get why you’d get angry at someone for getting killed by you in a game. Trash talking is only cool when it’s in person. When you have to spell check before you dis out some hate you’re doing it wrong.

  9. LMAO, very droll! I don’t post on forums, (how 1999!) but I do enjoy reading dumb comments people leave on articles published in the Daily Mail (www.dailymail.co.uk) – a godawful rag, but I enjoy the racism, homophobia and general ignorance that prevail especially related to the more provocative articles. It makes me feel less of an asshole seeing how awful other people are. See? It’s all relative!

    • Mooselicker says:

      Reading comments online you’d think only the Aryan Nation had access to the Internet. The best was on an article about an Indian kid who filmed a gay kid having sex and the gay kid killed himself. All those on the side of the gay kid called the Indian a dothead and other things. All those on the side of the Indian called the gay kid a faggot. Can’t we find some middle ground?

  10. You are always full of useful information. There is information… It is useful… and you are full of it.

  11. ..who never knew anything about porno!
    P.S. I never could comprehend what people find entertaining in wrestling. Okay, go on. Now you can bully me.

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