Twisted Sisters

Posted: June 21, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

In 8th grade my history teacher had us select songs to represent a battle in the Civil War. My partner and I chose Gettysburg because it was the only one we could pronounce. It also sounded a little Jewish. The song we chose was “We’re Not Gonna Take It” by Twisted Sister. It was a perfect song to represent the battle. The North was getting their asses handed to them, but decided they would no longer take the anal pounding from the South any longer. Twisted Sister offers a lot of valuable advice in that song. Valuable advice that can sometimes backfire.

(One day Dee Snider’s dad let him wear a pink shirt to school. The next day, this happened)

It’s always good when someone stands up for themselves. I applaud anyone who can. Thing is, we all think we’re Rodney Dangerfield. For those of you born after the year 1988, Rodney Dangerfield was a comedian whose gimmick was about how he doesn’t get any respect. What made Rodney so successful was his ability to relate to the audience. Most drunk comedy audiences feel like shit. Probably because they are shit. I think most of us feel like we’re the underdog. We feel like losers who will never accomplish what we strive for. We’ll do things like find a scapegoat. Anything but take the blame for the problems in our own lives. It wasn’t our inability to look where we were walking that is to blame for our stubbed toe. It’s the fault of whoever snuck into your home and moved the walls into a position you are not used to.

A lot of energy is exhorted changing who you are and what people think of you. Lots of people say everyday that from now on they will speak their minds. They will not be pushed around. Very few do much about it. They may talk back to someone who doesn’t deserve it. Weak people are usually the targets of these randomly deciding to seize the day after 40 years of life people. You can’t change yourself over night. Even if you can, nobody else will change. You won’t be the person who is cool and confident all of a sudden. You’ll be the overnight asshole. There is a difference between standing up for yourself and being a jerk to friends out of nowhere. It’s a very fine line. Standing up for yourself would involve an immediate “No, I’m not going to do (insert heinous sexual act here) for you. I don’t care if it’s the anniversary of your mother’s death! I’m not doing it! I’ve got a dentist’s appointment tomorrow.” Being a jerk would go more like “No. Fuck you. Blow yourself.” If you stand up for yourself you have to explain why. Most people respond well when you tell them you feel like they’re treating you poorly. The rest are probably politicians.

(“Open your mouth like this then put it inside. You don’t even have to wear the goalie mask this time. I’ll be fine.” – an upset husband trying to get across to his slacker wife that he has needs too)

There have been moments in my life where I fantasize about becoming a total heel. Strangers will ask me questions and instead of answering them I will scream their flaws into their faces. Possibly in Spanglish. Anyone who speaks in Spanglish is a jerk-off. It doesn’t make you cool. It’s not like Elfish where you could actually get around Middle Earth knowing. When people speak Spanglish they always leave the good stuff in Spanish so I cannot understand. This always bugs me. And you wonder why we only masturbate to your Spanish language channels? See, I’ve wanted to say this to Spanish people before. Right to their faces. Possibly pushing their eyelids down hard with my thumbs. What I really wanted to say here was that you can’t go off always speaking your mind. Even people who claim to not have a filter, do. I heard the new thing for being an ass who says insensitive things is called Asperger’s. Finally, a label to give myself as a free ticket to insult others. I’m not a dick, I have a disease.

 (This is a popular children’s show for Spanish-speaking people. Slutty women reenact scenes from Spongebob Square Pants)

My whole opinion on people taking control of their lives can all be summed up in this paragraph. Sorry for making you read the rest. I’d feel like I was cheating you otherwise. You went through all that trouble unknowingly giving me your credit card information by visiting this site that I felt I owed you. Anyway, being someone who decides to be a take-no-shit fool is a problem when they run into another person who has decided to do the same with their life. What happens when two timid people who are pretending they aren’t rugs to be walked on clash? You end up with even bigger problems. You can’t have everyone saying things need to change. We end up with a bunch of bossy folk. One passive person pretending to be in charge will argue with another passive person pretending to be in charge. Truth is, neither really are very good at being the boss. They’re just two people like the rest of us angry about certain aspects in their life. They’re eager to change it, but there are better ways than to make a declaration about how you won’t let people treat you poorly anymore. I’ll let you know when I think of one. I’m sure it’s out there.

(We get a world of Angelica Pickles if we all start to aggressively push others around to satisfy our own needs. Be a Tommy Pickles. He’s loyal, clever, and probably has a learning disability from all the hours he has spent unsupervised)

The real message I want to get across is that life is not like some movie where you can start behaving a new way and get a positive result. You shouldn’t let people boss you around, but thinking if you treat people the way they treat you will fix things is not right. Maybe we can try being honest from the start with people. The first time they do something to piss you off, let them know. That way you won’t be in a position in your life where everyone seems out to get you. Your behavior will also be expected and not as frowned upon. Everybody wins. Nobody makes you clean a mess you didn’t make and they’re not shocked when you actually don’t act cowardly.

“We’re not gonna take it. No. We ain’t gonna take it. We’re not gonna take it. Anymore.” – lyrics written by Dee Snider, an ugly man who dressed as woman in the 1980s and still looked ugly. Some people are just destined to not be very attractive no matter what gender

  1. Addie says:

    You are the wind beneath my wings (still).

    I pretty much treat people the way I wish to be treated which doesn’t always mean I’m treated in a nice polite manner. My kids and those close to me know if I’m yelling at you, things are okay. If I get really cold and my voice gets low, I’m not going to be nice. So, I try to stay in the neutral cheery mode and figure it’s hard to be mean to a person who is being nice to you.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Did this take some time develop? People need to be consistent with their behavior. Otherwise they seem to be turning every which way and they seem crazy.

      It’s great to say people aren’t going to push you around anymore, but if you let people push you around in the first place, maybe you’re a person who kind of likes it.

      • Addie says:

        Are you trying to push me around here? I only like people named Edward Grey to push me around.

        Seriously? THere is one person who gets away with pushing me around–my fault to let it happen, however, after all these years, it’s not going to change.

      • Mooselicker says:

        Hey if you like the pushing that’s great. If not, go Jennifer Lopez on them in that one weird movie where she trains at karate in her living room yet her abusive husband doesn’t seem to notice how great of shape she’s gotten in and how she’s been spending so much money on punching bags.

        I thought you hated 50 Shades of Grey. What’s the deal?

  2. You need to teach a history/music theory class. I would sign up. I would be your student aide, helping pick songs for momentous…(that means big and important)… moments in history. Help would be a great song for Britain before the entry of our country into the second world war. I could come up with others.
    I was small and skinny when I was 13, except my feet were already fully frown. There were these bullies that used to pick on me. Then that summer I grew into my feet. Walking to school, the bullies approached me. As they got closer, I realized that they didn’t look bigger than me any more. Because they weren’t. They looked at me in some embarrassment, shuffled their feet, mumbled something like, “how ya doin’?” and left quickly. It was awesome.
    On the other hand, I spent the next decade going to bad bars in bad parts of town, and I have no filter, and I like to jump in when bullies are picking on someone, so I still got my ass kicked a lot. Usually by groups of angry individuals. So there you go.

    • Mooselicker says:

      This seems more like you’re standing up for other people. You do realize you’re half Batman half Sasquatch, right? It’s the people who “stand up” to their friends who are annoying. Standing up to bullies is great. I almost broke a bully’s hand one time during the last week of school in 9th grade. We are not so much different afterall.

  3. Lily says:

    This is all very true. But seriously, wtf is wrong with Dee Snider? He was on all of Vh1’s “I Love the___” which made me kind of happy, but I would constantly think, there’s gotta be something wrong with this guy. Angelica was suchhh a bitch. Like, I remember watching when I was younger and remember hating Angelica. She was like our generation’s introduction to bitches.

    • Mooselicker says:

      The worst thing is if Angelica Pickles was real she would look like Dee Snider by the time she was a teenager. I hated her too. Especially how she was mean to Chuckie. He was my most relatable character. Timid, frightened, a real pussy cat. At least I didn’t have red hair and glasses. How will that kid ever find true love?

  4. “The first time they do something to piss you off, let them know.”

    At last I found a religion I could belong to. Let’s call it Mooselicking.

    I personally think this is the most sensible post you’ve ever made. What happened? I mean, are you sick?

    • Mooselicker says:

      No haha. It’s something I’ve thought about real long and hard about. I used to be a person who wanted to get back at people who I thought wronged me. Then I had people doing it to me and saw how shitty it was. If someone close to you does something that bugs you, tell them where they’re wrong but also admit where you’re at fault. People are too afraid of mistakes.

      • True. I learned that the hard way myself. No, not really. I think I’m still on the process of learning it. I’m so guilty of being addicted to that dreaded mind games thing. Curse it. But I’m learning. Ha!
        Well, I guess we all have to pay our dues. I know one thing though – I will still be laughing after karma is finished with me. But that’s just me wanting you to believe I believe that. 😉

      • Mooselicker says:

        You talk in so many riddles. I doubt you’re that evil a person. Trust me, I’m a whole hell-of-a-lot more vicious than I seem. At least on the inside.

        Now I’m talking in riddles. Blast!

      • See? I told you I’m addicted to mind games – whatever form that is. It’s not my fault though. Honest! 😦

        I thought I read that line wrong. I actually thought you wrote “you’re more delicious than you seem”. Hahahaha, guess you won’t like Ms. Akerman reading that.

      • Mooselicker says:

        Of course I would love for her to read it! Are you crazy? I bet when she licks people you can taste her. I bet she’s somewhat salty yet sweet. Like a chocolate covered pretzel. Some night she’ll be searching the Internet for fan videos. She’ll find mine and be charmed out of her fish bowl.

      • Just don’t forget us when that happens, for I have no doubt it will. Not because you are so hilariously crazy, but because of the moose stuff toy you cunningly placed in the background.

        Pure evil.

        Celebrity readers, be warned:

  5. AgrippingLife says:

    I give people lots and lots of room for bad behavior but when they cross the/my line, which again is waaayyyy out there, then I figure I can blast them. I don’t get angry very often. To me, it’s all about intention. Most people don’t have bad intentions, they just do stupid things. When somebody purposefully does something to hurt or wound another person…. Watch out. That’s when I become the Tiger- my Chinese horoscope sign.

    • Mooselicker says:

      You’re a Chinese Tiger? I’m pretty sure I’m a rabbit. If I was born a few months later I think I would have been a snake. I used to think that would have been cooler, but now I know what a person who behaves like a snake is really like. I totally agree. If someone makes the same mistake twice and it’s malicious and blatant, they probably never will change.

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