We all make mistakes. Even Michael Jordan. He gambled. He got a woman who wasn’t his wife pregnant. He never came out with Space Jam 2 despite leaving the original on such a cliffhanger. He is the greatest basketball player of all time and yet he even screws up. What’s that say for the rest of us? I shoot bricks into the toilet with my used toilet paper. One mistake we all make are typos. They’re newer mistakes. We have a love/hate relationship with these errors. Let’s dive into the bigotry and stupidity behind them.
A typo is when you want to type one word then a demon crawls up your ass and makes you type another. Or so says my crucifix wielding grandma. I make typos a lot. Far more than I ever notice. I’ll go through things I’ve written that are important to me and find a ton. Rarely will I go through and edit anything I write for this blog. What do I care if some housewife in Missouri is upset about my inability to use original wording? I feel typos make us human. Some argue the soul, the ability to think and feel, or our desires for relationships and connections with others is what makes us human. I’m still pretty sure it’s typos.
(“I make typos, therefore I am. If I didn’t make typos I would lose my identity as a real human being.” – Rene Descarte was too stupid to ever come up with this quote)
The first typo in history was in the first book ever written, To Kill a Mockingbird. Atticus boringly rambles for 30 pages then says to his kids, “their over they’re.” This is a common typo a lot of idiots make. Memes are created making fun of people who do not understand proper grammar with these words. I will explain it simply below:
There-Use as in a position of where an object might be. Think “Right there!” when your parents point at you while discussing location of their least favorite child is.
Their-This is possessive. When something belongs to someone, you use their. Think “Their dumb child does not know they’re disappointed in them for not knowing a simple grammatical mistake.”
They’re-This is the easiest to not fuck-up. Did you know the contraction means the word can be separated into two words? They’re means they are. Think “They’re horrible parents for murdering their child over there for being so incredibly dumb.”
Understand it yet? The same goes for your and you’re. “You’re” is only ever used when you are too lazy to use you are. Think “You are a waste of human life if it took reading this blog post to finally understand something you should have learned years ago. If your teachers were not good then you should have done it on your own instead of sitting around wasting the first quarter of your life.”
With the invention of iPhones you see a lot of typo jokes. There’s this thing they have called Autocorrect. I think spell checks are great and all, but I know even myself sometimes will handwrite a word and stop in the middle. I’ll look up lost. Can I right-click the word to make sure it’s spelt correctly? A red line didn’t pop up underneath. It must be the right way. These typo jokes people post never amuse me much. Oh look, somebody meant to say I love you and Autocorrect made it say “I love poo.” Or the other way around. Depending upon what circles you run in. This is all part of everyone trying to be clever and famous. There’s a reason why you have to sleep with a football player or Jersey Shore cast member to be famous nowadays. There needs to be some sacrifice.
(Even the word “Lucky” cut itself off because it knows being anywhere near Snooki means you’re probably not)
If typos were a Medieval Court, Jay Leno’s Headlines would be king. I’ll admit, Monday nights for me used to lead up to Headlines. I wanted to see what errors the editor at the Raleigh Sun Times was making. The beauty with this humor is there needs to be no joke. Leno simply reads the headline and everyone loves at the absurdity. A Chinese menu has cat on it? Whoa! Somebody needs a better copyeditor. Leno even spends most of the bit looking at his producer saying “One more.” I think he’s tired of it. Millions of highlighters and hard pieces of black oak tag have been wasted on this bit. What’s with Jay Leno bits and how they all are about stupid people? Jay-Walking involves asking people on the street easy to answer questions. Then we all laugh as they think Osama Bin Laden is actor Omar Sharif. Silly Sunset Strip tourists. You’re so caught up working 16 hour shifts to know the things we know.
Making fun of typos is almost an elitist thing to do. English is such a strange language itself. The rules are so vague and often contradict each other. So really when I think about it, you’re damned if you make the typos and damned if you make fun of the ones who cannot grasp the one language they have ever been exposed to. One thing I can always appreciate is someone who spells something wrong during the heat of the moment. When they go on a poorly worded Facebook rant about “idiets.” I know I get really ecstatic whenever I see someone spell a name wrong. Really? You’re a fan of Koby Brian? Who the fuck even is that?
(Here’s Koby Brian. He may not play basketball, but he gets good grades and has a sweet orange wristband)
Be smart. Be informed. You’re going to make errors. Don’t make the ones you can prevent. People who continually spell things wrong are the same people who can never solve the other things wrong in their life. It’s a good representation on what you care people think of you. You may say you don’t care about making a spelling mistake, but it really makes you come off as untrustworthy and unable to properly work an elevator. And please, do not get me started on people who write words in ghetto speak. I tried that one time. It took me an hour to “tell dat mami shorti she be waggin dat tale down her and gots to be got.” I think that’s ghetto for “don’t bother trying to teach me anything, I am a lost cause.”