I’m full of wisdom. I’m also full of blood. Most living people are full of blood. I don’t think Frankenstein is. Actually he’s probably dead now again from old age. I wonder if anyone knew Frankenstein during his first time living and then met up with him again after he was brought back to life. That must be hard to have to go to his funeral twice. Annoying too. I imagine Frankenstein’s second funeral was mostly people catching up on what they’ve done since the last one. Few people probably cried. Except maybe the little girl he gave a flower to. She didn’t know Frankenstein before the reanimation. She only know the bolt in the neck guy.
(Every father’s worst nightmare. His daughter goes out on her own and some suave monster flirts her up saying how she’s beautiful and creative even when she isn’t. Girls fall for everything)
I’m not here to talk about Frankenstein. I’m here to talk about sage advice. One of them is to never start a post about giving people advice with your thoughts on Frankenstein. But more importantly I want to give you the best piece of advice I have. That advice is to move out of your parent’s house as fast as you can. Continue on and I will explain why this is the most important thing you can do in life.
I feel you cannot possibly grow until you are living on your own away from your parents. Did you ever see that Matthew McConaughy movie Failure to Launch? If you said yes you’re lying. Everyone who saw it jumped in front of a train within a week. The basic premise was about “failing” to “launch” from your parent’s home. Somehow failure to launch the space shuttle Challenger was much more entertaining and humorous than this disaster film.
(This is the only American disaster to ever have a pair of pigtails)
More and more people aren’t moving out on their own. They can’t because things cost money. It’s not the way things used to be. Back when women were like female dinosaurs and really had no choice in who they would sleep with. I remember watching a dinosaur documentary. A long neck went up to another long neck and had his way with her doggy style. Doggies didn’t even exist yet mind you. I always thought this was strange. There’s no courting involved? Where was I going with this? Ah yes, fear of not being able to afford the things you want if you have to pay rent. Remember though, girls don’t want to go home with a guy who has roommates who spawned him. Instead of taking her out to eat and paying those expensive Ruby Tuesday’s burger prices, you can take her back to your place and not have to tip extra because you feel guilty for sitting there for 2 hours. I think I’m neurotic.
Why do I think you should move out? It’s liberating. You can walk around naked. I love walking around naked. Even though I know for a fact you can see into my apartment from the right angle, I do it anyway. Little Jamal on his bike, it’s about time he sees what a man can grow up to look like in the nude if his curiosity so tempts him. Keep in mind I rarely sit around in the nude. That feels gross. Dog hairs attach themselves to my ass. So does lint and the occasional stray bloody booger that has fallen out during a coughing fit. My nude ass placed anywhere is a magnet for disgusting objects.
(Once I sat down on the couch and found a wet Kristen Stewart attached to my ass cheek. Gross! Stop being so frumpy. It’s not attractive)
Living on your own is also great because it gives you a hiding place. Don’t want to see anybody? Stay at home! Most homes have these things called locks. I know there are some towns in the world where nobody locks their doors. Then why have the lock? You were ripped off. You’re a rube. People cannot enter your home when doors remain locked. Unless they can walk through walls or have the same bone structure as a mouse. I enjoy the privacy in my home. Except that little space between the windows where you can look in. I love that. I love to ruin a child.
Moving out is scary as hell. Anyone who tells you differently is my 58-year-old uncle who still lives at home. I was afraid to leave my apartment the first 3 months. I was afraid I would never come back or something would go wrong while I was away. Then I went to a nearby Salvation Army to kill time and remember I have no friends. When I returned my key would not fit in the lock. I had to have Ted the Maintenance Man make a quick copy for me. He did so with a smile and a strange stain on his face. I’m thinking he helped unclog a toilet earlier and this splashed on him.
(Ted the Maintenance Man with a shit stain on his forehead. When I move out his boss is going to probably tell him to “tear down that drywall.” Way too much damage to it not to be replaced)
What one thing would you recommend a younger person do? Don’t say “live life like there’s no tomorrow.” Because for you old person, there might not be.