Immaturity is running rampant. Like an ad for a 1950s horror film, citizens are dashing out from theaters everywhere to get away from it. Being immature is fine. I’ve been known to say a silly goose thing here and there. When immaturity becomes a problem in my life is when you say things a 13-year-old might say. What do 13 year olds complain about most? Their gross start of puberty bodies! After that though it’s their parents. How much they hate them. How unfair they are treated. Unfortunately some people take a while to outgrow this hatred. Some people need to read this post and take away from it to grow the fuck up.

It’s fine to hate your parents. Lots of parents are scummy. I don’t believe everyone is even meant to be a parent. Charlie Manson would never be a great dad. Yeah he got his little family he put together to do whatever he wanted, but that doesn’t make someone a good parent. In order to be a good parent you have to be as much friend as you are authority. You need to know when to talk about feelings and when to roll your eyes at your kid for being such a shit. It’s hard and anyone who can pull off not having kids who completely hate them deserve an award. May I suggest a mug declaring they are number one?

(Excuse me, but I don’t believe Sylvester was a father .What’s a cat who wants to eat a wise cracking bird have anything to do with fatherhood?)

I never much hated my parents. Sure, there were things they could have done better. My mom could have bought me a jet ski and my dad could have paid for me to have jet ski lessons with a topless model. I will never forgive them for letting me down. To be perfectly clear I have no problem when someone complains about another human being. I think it’s necessary. When it becomes constant and excessive is when I get annoyed. Especially when it’s people you can leave. I remember Louis CK once saying something about how if you are ever in a relationship and you’re not married with kids then you should just leave. He’s right. Things are going to get worse. It’s true with parents. If you’re out of high school, leave. It makes your life harder sure, but no longer will you have those bullies in your life who seem to be preventing you from moving on.

Most parents really do want the best for their kids. A lot struggled to show it for whatever their issue is. I always know somebody is irresponsible when they complain to me about how their parents won’t let them do something. Sometimes the irresponsibility comes from the child not being trustworthy. Other times it comes from the child not being adult enough to find a way to do whatever it is anyway. If your parents don’t let you drink it probably means you have a problem with alcohol. I don’t know. Maybe a few months ago you got alcoholic poisoning at a concert in New York City. If you nearly died from doing something I cannot blame your parents for making you limit yourself. I once almost died during a bank heist. My parents told me not to go anywhere near a bank anymore because they were afraid I might get shot at again. It was annoying, but they were right. I probably would have killed another clerk if given the chance.

(I was the one in the brown suit disguised as Gary Busey)

When I moved out it was because I had no other options. More kids need to be put in this situation. I guarantee if my childhood home was still owned under the family name I would still be there. I never would have had reason to leave. It was comforting. Secure. Like a mother’s womb. As much as you mama haters will never admit it, you feel this comfort too. That’s why you let your parents boss you around and you never do a thing about it. Didn’t everyone used to run away from home and start rock bands? I know some people ended up dead in the streets. Still, live a little and take a chance. If you die you won’t care anyway because you’ll be dead.

The way you behave around your parents can to a certain degree represent how you behave around other people in your life. I hate yellers. Anyone who yells at anybody really scares me. My dad used to yell. It was scary for the first 5 seconds then he would start to drool. This made the whole thing humorous. People who have shouting matches with their parents means they do not have something called reasoning. You can’t reason with your own parents? Learn about compromise. And if they won’t budge then work your whole life to say “fuck you” when you turn 18 and get the heck out of Dodge. Stop being a wimpy baby. I always knew I didn’t want to turn into my uncle (58 still living at home) so I saved every penny I could and made sure I could make it on my own. I know not everyone has a creepy uncle to help inspire them to grow-up and plan out their futures. What a strange purpose in life for him to have. All he was supposed to do was be weird and make me look at him and say “yeah, that’s not going to be me.” Maybe someday he’ll date someone who can legally drink.

(My uncle would date anyone in this high school picture. Maybe not the gay guy on the far left. You always know a guy is gay when he has a lot of female friends and when holding the Asian one is stuck on armpit duty)

Take away from this that you cannot blame your parents for everything in your life. Especially once you get to a certain age. When you’re unhappy change it. Nobody deserves to be around people they don’t want to be near. Turn your childish hatred into motivation to become something greater. Quit complaining about your mama and your papa. You’re not them. They don’t have as much control over you as it seems. Don’t make yourself a whiny slave. Sojourner Truth had a cruel master and you never heard her once bitch about how her owner won’t let her go to the Blink-182 concert dressed like a whore.

  1. Pete Howorth says:

    My parents aren’t so bad, my mother spoils me too much and my dad not enough, so it evens out hah. I know I’d make a bad parent though, I can’t be doing with children, I fucking hate them. They’re just so annoying. Back in the day it wouldn’t be so bad, you could give them a beating if they stepped out of place, now parents just let them do what the fuck they want, “Oh it’s a phase” no pal, it’s a c**t.

    • Mooselicker says:

      You’re already censoring yourself from curse words, you might not make such a bad father afterall.

      Don’t most parents spoil the child who is the opposite gender more? I know in my family that’s the way it worked. I could see many many many many many many years from now you wanting to be a dad. At the very least I could see you not paying for the abortion.

      • Pete Howorth says:

        I only censor for your readers 😛

        I think they do, I’d probably spoil a daughter more than if I had a son. But I’d rather not have either, who wants the stress? The only good thing about it is you have somewhere to live when you’re an old man, until they put you in a home at least.

      • Mooselicker says:

        My readers are such wimps sometimes.

        Looks like you’ve got your parent’s futures planned out. Being middle-aged with kids must suck. You have to take care of your kids and your dying parents.

      • Pete Howorth says:

        Soon as they reach 60, pop em both in a home, sell the house, move to Hawaii, boom.

  2. The Waiting says:

    That last line, words to parent by. You are very insightful.

  3. These are very sage words, indeed. You must be an old soul.
    Seriously, there is truth in what you’re saying, here. I think the world is a little too needy and spoiled and comfortable, lately. There doesn’t seem to be the same kind of work ethic there used to be.
    Making an emotional break from family, especially parents, is very difficult to do – in part, because society says you SHOULD love your family. That whole, “Blood is thicker than water” Thing. I like this post because in a way you’re giving people permission to make the break, cut themselves loose and be their own person. That’s a good message.

    • Mooselicker says:

      I think it’s the always “playing therapist” with people in my life which has helped me to understand these things more and actually have insight. Coming from a qualified professional I am glad my hypothesiseseseses are usually on track.

      As much as I would love to see everyone crash and burn and be undoubtedbly the king of everything, I need some people with me at the top. Guys used to be kings at 8 years old. That’s definitely too early, but most people can’t even manage their own life by the time they’re 30.

      There’s a song by Shinedown and I remember there’s a line “Tell my mother, tell my father, I did the best I can.” blah blah blah blah “Sometimes goodbye is a second chance.” I always interpreted this as you cannot grow until you do say goodbye to those childhood attachments. You can ween yourself or take a leap. Your parents, although they created you, don’t have to be the most important thing in your life.

  4. A gripping life says:

    You’re exactly right. I think successfully separating from your parents/ caretakers is the most important step in becoming a mature healthy adult.
    How many people do you know that haven’t separated….? A ton. Even at my age. It’s really unattractive.

    • Mooselicker says:

      I don’t know too many people so a percentage would be more accurate. What’s close to 100% but not quite?

      It’s fine if you aren’t ready yet. I am mostly sick of people whining about things that can easily be changed by doing what the next step in life is.

  5. I prefer to take advice from commercials. I learned that if I give my parents KFC bites, I can live in the basement as long as I like, and never have to grow up.

  6. This might be one of the best lines ever: “Sojourner Truth had a cruel master and you never heard her once bitch about how her owner won’t let her go to the Blink-182 concert dressed like a whore.”

    Yeah, there comes a point when you have to stop blaming your parents for everything and just put on your big boy/girl pants and suck it up.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Francis from Malcolm in the Middle is the perfect example. It’s all his mom’s fault for everything. I always thought this was an insane character, but I meet a lot of people who are like this.

  7. Word. Then you have kids and they think the same thing about you, and your parents are looking pretty good all of a sudden…

    • Mooselicker says:

      In 14-15 years you’ll never want to even acknowledge you have kids will you? They’ll probably be blogging about how much they hate you. I’ll probably be blogging about my lower lumbar region and how much it aches.

  8. I love mom immensely, we get along together so well my friends are always envious every time she turns up at school. She’s so good I’d have to find that exact Sylvester mug and give it to her so she can break it.

    My own reasons for wanting to move out are really more personal, like I dunno, proving to myself that I can make it perhaps? And privacy. Yes, I love it too much. What’s a bit off though is that I live in a country where the culture is (especially with girls) to stay with your parents until you’re married. But duh, I often loved playing the rebel so why not this time? Still, I believe a person’s current financial situation is what’s really holding him back. That or he’s grown to be so much of a wimp he doesn’t know how to be anything else.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Hey, hey! No excuses. Once you give yourself something to fall back on you usually will.

      You’re also only 20. I think 23 is the age when you’re an insult to human kind if you’re still living at and not working hard to be on your own.

  9. Mollie is 13 and she is my best friend…
    She is also much more mature than me…
    Now go look at the monkey pictures I did for you…

    • Mooselicker says:

      You go to parties with your parents and your best friend is a 13 year old girl. What color is your racecar bed?

      You’re a good dad though. I’m sure the only complaints your kids would ever have is you’re too much fun.

      • Well, Jessica just barely tolerates me.
        And I explained that going to a neighborhood party to welcome new neighbors is the neighborly thing to do. And the food was good. And I got to go into my friend’s old house and poke around. And I met some cool dogs.
        But I would have a spaceship bed, if my wife sould let me get away with it.
        So what exactly is your point?

      • Mooselicker says:

        Would a spaceship bed really go with your cowboy pajamas?

      • I sleep naked, just so you know… it goes with anything!

      • Mooselicker says:

        I came up with a Davey Crockett joke here where I called you “Davey Cockett” but couldn’t think of a subtle way to say it. Plus he wasn’t even a cowboy. He was a frontiersman.

      • And he died at the Alamo… and he didn’t even wear a coonskin cap.

  10. Addie says:

    I only blamed my parents for important things, like not letting me watch cartoons on Saturday unless my chores were done. I also moved out as soon as I could, mostly because I was told I could only stay if I paid rent. I figured if I was going to pay rent, I’d pay it to some stranger who didn’t make me pay rent and do chores.

    Great post, Tim, but, then, most of your posts are just that–pretty great.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Thanks Addie! I could never believe parents who made their kids pay rent. Maybe at a certain age and under certain circumstances, but it seems like there needs to be a few warnings before it comes into affect.

  11. renxkyoko says:

    I don’t know if I should be uncomfortable with moi still living with my parents. But then we’ve talked about this a long time ago. I go to school and work, but I won’t work my ass off to pay the rent and buy food, when i have a room in my parents’ home, and can devote more time to studying. I help pay several bills ( the family’s weekly food expenses and electricity ). My parents help me and I help them. It’s so practical. Also, I’m asian. Asian families help each other.

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