Clarifications

All this end of the world talk I figured I should be a little clearer on things. No this is not a nervous breakdown. No I have not gone crazy. If anything I see things more truly than ever before. I have come to accept my fate. The fate that on August 9, 2012 the world will forever change. It’s cliché, but the end is nigh. Very nigh. So nigh you better return your library books. Late fees I hear can put you through hell after death.

Why August 9th? You’re probably asking yourself that. Probably also “Why have I stuck around long enough to see what will happen on August 9th? There better be some payoff!” There will be. Cataclysm. Destruction. The ushering in of a new era. Do not think of this as an ending, but rather as a new beginning. A chance to start over and allow yourself some happiness. Only the truly good will be saved on this day. In order to be saved you will need a few things. A kind heart. Willingness to take on something new. A credit card. Most of all you will need to embrace life and the new challenge that awaits you.

August 9th was a date given to me by an unknown source. I’m sorry, but I really am a little scared giving away my sources. We’ll call him Deep Throat as Deep Throat is the most notable unknown source in history. The Angel Deep Throat visited me one night. It wasn’t a literal angel like someone sent from God with wings and a sword. It was more an angel in theory. Like I felt the love an angel might give. This epiphany came to me and I began to research the date. I began to freak out. The signs all pointed that for sure this date would be the end.

Throughout history major events have happened on August 9th. Nagasaki had a nuclear bomb dropped on them. Charles Manson had his family murder a pregnant actress, the Folger’s Coffee heiress, and a few other dummies. Wayne Gretzky was traded. Wayne Gretzky! The greatest hockey player of all time was told to pack his bags and get the hell out of Canada. Chris Jericho debuted in the WWF to call out The Rock. This might not seem big to you, but it was huge in the wrestling world. It even made it onto the Wikipedia page for this date. The Wikipedia page of course being the main source for my prediction.

August 9th also happens to be the 222nd day of the year. The Satanical Bible is a lot like the regular Bible only with more swearing and several of the writers were overly sarcastic. As Christianity has The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit; The Satan Worshippers have The Grim Reaper, The Angel of Death, and The Devil. These three make up Hell. Since there are 3 of them each represents a third of evil. What is the number associated with evil? 666! 222 times 3, one for each member of Hell, gives you 666. The numbers are clearly there. Do not deny my math skills.

I hope you can understand more where my mind is and why I not only believe but know the world will come to an end on Thursday August 9th. I suggest you spend the day with your family. Unless you hate your family. Then spend it with someone you like more.

“And thus he arrived. Riding on his horse of fire. A whip torn from flesh in his left hand. Way was made to the diamond. Atop the throne he sat. Sure to let all those willing to see that he was here to stay. Past times no more the same. Life forever had changed. Satan had become king.”