The television industry term for a script that nobody cares about is “spec script.” Spec stands for speculation as in you write it completely on speculation that one day someone will come asking for it. No one ever does come ask for it. Your speculations were completely wrong. A lot of the time these scripts are written based on pre-existing television programs. This way the interns pretending to be high level executives reading these scripts don’t have to waste their time with your idea you think is completely original yet totally sucks. Today, I reveal to the public two different spec scripts I have written. They’re so incredibly not good that I’m willing to put them up on my blog and let them never get me anywhere.
Back in February I entered a writing contest. No, not this contest. I lost that one a while ago. This was another contest where I would basically get a job for a year making $50,000 (that’s about half what I’ve made in my entire life total) and have young actresses getting topless for the chance to touch my typing fingers. Well, they said they would contact the finalists by the end of August. I checked my calendar today and we’re already a few days into September. I emailed them a few times asking what gives. I’ve called them too and sent a few death threats to the judges’ homes demanding a recount. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact I am once again a loser. I did not think I would really win this contest. They wanted people who weren’t white or male or straight. You know, because every great television show in the world was created by a bicurious Japanese woman.
(“I write Big Bang Theory. You like Sheldon? I write ten joke of his.” – yeah right)
It also probably didn’t help that the main joke in my spec script centered around the N-Word. Although this contest would have me basically interning for money at a studio specializing in children’s programming, they said your scripts could still be adult oriented. What I submitted was a Modern Family episode I began writing about a year ago after watching 3 episodes of the show. It took me about 5 months to get “perfect” and off it went a week before the deadline. If you happen to be curious to read it ask me and I will send it to you (you won’t be). If you happen to be interested in any of the “original” things I have written (you REALLY won’t be) I’d be willing to let you take a gander at those as well. But for now I am only adding two things publicly because they are so incredibly out of date to the show and I would at least like someone somewhere to get some enjoyment out of the painstaking, gut-wrenching, thousands of hours I put into these works that would be better off heating the homeless.
(This family is so poor the girl on the left doesn’t even have the most up to date style of boots. I feel bad for these folks. They’re too stupid to get a $1 Megabus ticket somewhere warm)
The two episodes I present to you are from the television program Community. If you have never seen the show then well you might not understand a damn thing. If you have then you still might not understand a damn thing and if that’s the case I know what my problem is. Below are the two episodes along with a quick description for each apologizing for all the inaccuracies that have since occurred.
This was the first spec I wrote with success. It took me 10 tries of completely starting over again and such to finally get something I was happy with. I wrote it after only seeing the first season of the show so that’s why Shirley has a completely made up boyfriend and everything about her is probably wrong. I saw none of the third season so Omar from the Wire and John Goodman’s characters will not be found anywhere near this.
Community-End of the World WordPress (It’s really called “End of the World Survival Skills and Party Planning”)
The more I read this one the more I hate it. It connects well but it also seems like too much is happening. Plus Jeff’s character is completely off and says or behaves in ways he would normally not. For some reason he’s a complete wimp here. I think everything else is pretty accurate but again I wrote this without seeing 1/3 of the show.
Do you have anything you have worked hard at that will never get any credit? If you do, send it my way. I would like to plug it in a future blog post if you would allow me to do so. Music, art, something you’ve written, anything you desire. The only way to have something appreciated is to let as many people as you can see it. That’s the same way you find out if you suck or not.