What do sad teenage girls, Charles Manson, and you have in common? You’re all big music fans. That’s what separates you from me. I am not a person who can in any regards be considered a person who lives or dies by music. I never really got into any until I was almost 18. I’m not using this as an excuse or anything. If I grew up in Africa and never saw a blonde woman until I was 18 I probably would really like them. Music is far different from a blonde woman. For starters, music has never put a wet dog in a dryer. Blondes are so dumb.
(When a dryer isn’t available hang ’em outside and let the summer breeze do the work)
Despite being a music aficionado I still know enough about it. More so, I know what I associate different songs with. In college I made a statement in class that I associated “Jesus Walks” by Kanye ‘Closeted Homosexual’ West with the film Jarhead and military in general. The teacher told me this was a genius topic. He went onto give me a B for the marking period despite not doing a half the assignments demanded of me. The lesson I learned, don’t be an idiot like everyone else in class and you can slack off the rest of the semester.
“People Are Strange” – The Doors
I associate this song with when I first began driving. I got tired of the one radio station I knew and was flipping through different stations then came across this gem. Ever since then the radio station became my favorite, until 4 years later when I got sick of hearing Van Halen constantly. The first time I heard this song was when I sat in my car at a local park. I drove by my house and saw my mom’s boyfriend outside. I hated him so much I would rather sit in my car at the park watching a black girl cry while listening to 40 year old songs. I thought about going up to the black girl and asking her what was wrong. Then I remembered popcorn chicken was only available for a limited time.
“Winterlong” – Pixies
I cannot listen to any song by the Pixies without feeling extremely depressed. One I first moved into my apartment I had very little to entertain myself with. I bought a Pixies CD to listen to as I grew tired of listening to the Alice in Chains and Batboy The Musical CDs I otherwise owned. Winterlong was the last song on the CD. This signified an end to me. Once the CD was over I would have to flick it back on to the start and the cycle continued. Even though it makes me extremely depressed, at least I seem like a hip person for owning one of their CDs even if it is their best of which I guess makes me a sellout.
“Mr. Brightside” – The Killers
This is the one song by The Killers I cannot stand. It was extremely popular when I was in 11th grade and my least favorite teacher loved it. I remember this song coming on the radio when I sat in my car sweating waiting for my date with “Duck Face” to begin. She already had a boyfriend, wasn’t easily charmed by me, and looked like a duck. That’s the abridged version. Since I hate the original, here’s a cover.
Anything by Bruce Springsteen
Is “The Boss” popular anywhere outside of New Jersey? I don’t get this guy. I probably never will. He sings about old girlfriends and places he’s been to. He’s put blog posts to music. Sadly I associate Bruce Springsteen mostly with my mother’s “memorial service.” According to everyone who told me so, my mom loved Bruce Springsteen. I’m thinking they confused him with Bruno, Bruce Willis’s musical name. She actually owned a Bruno cassette tape. And to think, I always grew up thinking I didn’t deserve nice things.
“Whiskey in a Jar” – Metallica
Back when I used to listen to XM radio constantly, they tried out an all Metallica channel for a month. People responded by having it go away after a month because most Metallica fans cannot afford satellite radio let alone haircuts. This was a Thin Lizzy cover song of theirs I really liked. This point in my life was when I was taking one college class and the rest of my time was spent working or walking around Wegmans hoping a pretty girl would say I’ve been there too long and it was time for me to leave. Hey, at least she’d be talking to me.
“Angry Chair” – Alice in Chains
This was my go-to “Pushup Song.” Back when I was more out of shape and would spend literally all my free time sitting in front of a computer (now I have a laptop so the computer technically sits on me) I would take short breaks to occasionally do pushups. My Monday nights were the big pushup night. My friend Rob and I would start at 8 by watching Little People Big World and talking to each other online. During each commercial break we’d do as many pushups as we could. The fact I once got 100 shows how much I was probably cheating. We’d do the same during Monday Night Raw and continue it through the rerun of Jon and Kate Plus 8 at 11. During the commercial breaks I would pop on Angry Chair to get me a little more pumped because Matt Roloff’s voice couldn’t do it.
“Remedy” – Black Crowes
In 2009 I spent the year working in New York City at a comedy club. Most weekend nights the other comedians would go out drinking. I didn’t fit in much with them, or so I thought. One was going back home until he could afford to live in his friend’s crawl space again. The other guys were throwing him a going away party. One of the comedians said he would invite me out but I wasn’t 21. I was 21. I told that and he insisted he was sure I was 19. So I went out with a bunch of drunk people through New York City the next 3-4 hours for the first time bar hopping. We finally found a dive bar where we settled in and I remember Remedy coming on the jukebox. It was a good moment about fitting in and feeling included. Whenever I hear this song now I always think about how I drunkenly walked 20 blocks alone at 4 in the morning back to Penn Station because I was too cheap to buy a MetroCard. Finally, a positive song association.
If we determined anything with this post it’s that I only listen to music when I’m depressed.
Do you have any song associates?