Golden Ecstacies

Posted: October 1, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I never understood drug dealers. I used to always tell myself it was silly to get into a business that always ends with Colombians armed with machine guns coming after you. As I grow older, I understand it more. When I say drug dealer I don’t mean some loser who stands on a corner or deals from the basket in his bike. Street drug dealers are still lame and usually only are doing it to help pay for their own harder drugs they put into their own bodies. What I want to talk about are the big drug dealers; the Tony Montanas, Walter Whites, and Mary Louise Parkers of the world.

(She’s almost 50 and still I want to have babies with her. Not that she probably can anymore. Looks like one less worry for our relationship)

What is it all people have in common? A lust for money. I tell myself time is more important now than money is. It’s been a tough decision. I could easily make more money by working more. The decision I have made is I would rather have time. Some days I have too much time, others barely enough. I worry a lot of young people spend too much time working. Everyone I know under 30 seems to complain constantly about the most easy to fix problems. They’re not giving themselves time to improve or discover anything new in the world. They’ve gotten caught up in the ecstasy of gold.

I’ve decided if I could be anything it would be an outlaw. I would be a bank robber, a purse thief, and a guy who will turn you upside down and shake you for your lunch money. This is my dream that I will probably never do. Robbing banks is tough, I’m embarrassed whenever I am seen holding a lady’s purse, and kids are so fat these days they could probably beat me up. A boy can continue dreaming though. It’s not even the money I would want either. What would I do with money? Buy stuff? I hate owning things. The only reason to own a lot of clutter is because ghosts do not like clutter. I forget where I heard that fact. Have you ever seen a ghost on an episode of hoarders? My proof exactly.

(Not a single ghost. Wait…no. Thought I saw one but it was just more junk this person doesn’t need)

My lust for money does not come from wanting the money. My lust is about the adventure to get the money. I always wondered about old cowboys and what the purpose of robbing trains was. Didn’t a house cost a nickel back then? DVDs, high cost low-fat snacks, and deviated septum surgeries didn’t even exist. What did they need the money for? All cowboys ever spent money on was booze and whores. After a great heist they could easily spend the rest of their days with all the alcohol and sluts they wanted. This is a very simple and happy life. Times may change but a man’s needs never do.

One thing I have heard about detectives is they don’t so much care about protecting and doing the right as much as they enjoy the hunt. Some detectives want to be able to prove to themselves and everyone else that they cannot be outsmarted. I think I’m the same way with money. I don’t really care about having nice things, but I would like to be able to prove to myself and everyone else that I have the capability of making a lot. I could take the easy way out of course. I could focus all my time and energy and try to become a doctor or a lawyer. I could sacrifice my formidable years and follow down the path of those jobs. I won’t though because doctors have to look at infected genitalia and lawyers have the compassion of infected genitalia.

(Is he bribing the witness with a new wallet with the tag still on it while the old lady judge falls asleep?)

My life goal is simple; make as much money as possible by doing the least amount of work possible. This may sound incredibly lazy but you’re taking it the wrong way. If I could get a job I love to do and make loads of cash doing so then fantastic. Even if I don’t end up making a ton at least I’m doing something I love to do and that’s worth more than any treasure chest filled with gold. It’s about the adventure in getting to the top. Who wants to be an early success? Your life will inevitably be on a downward slope.

  1. I’ve always had a girl crush on Mary Louise Parker – and mainly because her name is Mary Louise Parker. Mary Parker would have been so boring. Doesn’t hurt that she is gorgeous in a girl-next-door/I wanna go shoe shopping with you, kind of way.

    And I’m sure Chris Brown ain’t complaining about his job. Lucky bastard.

    • Mooselicker says:

      It’s her nose I love most. Pale skin too maybe. She looks like she could be anyone’s hot mom. I love her so much I would stand outside Payless for an hour while she went shoe shopping.

  2. Seb says:

    Surely inheriting money is the quickest way to make a pile without doing jack?

    • Mooselicker says:

      I don’t have any relatives I’d make much money off of. I could always cut out my grandmother’s hips when she goes. They’re made of so much steel I could probably get something on the black market for them. Maybe she got copper hips? I’ll have to find out.

  3. renxkyoko says:

    ha ! The most insightful, so far, Moose !

    I want to make more money not to have money per se, but to pay for essential bills, mortgage, food, shelter, and a little stashed away so I can relax and smell the roses. I’m not into dresses, diamonds, etc. I only had one pair of sneakers for 2 or 3 years… don’t laugh.

    • Mooselicker says:

      I’m glad someone out there agrees! I’m more about achievements than anything else. It’s like people who climb Mount Everest. They get nothing out of it other than knowing they could. But I’m not so much into experiences like that.

      I’m not a big shoe person either. It took until I stepped in a bathroom puddle when there were holes in my shoes for me to get a new pair. It was actually almost a year ago. I’m due for a new pair.

  4. renxkyoko says:

    Hmmm, we’ll get along. Although, I want a huge, huge, TV set so I can watch the Science channel and their shows in glorious living color. And a Cappuccino maker, and a nice kitchen and a beautiful bathroom. Aaargh, why am i saying this? * daydreams *

    • Mooselicker says:

      Haha keep working hard and maybe someday you can have them! Ugh I sound like a lying parent.

      • renxkyoko says:

        Ahaha ! Moose, My jar is already full to the brim of quarters and my paper bills ( 1 dollar ) are like, already 4 inches thick…. my tips at baskin and robbins . I should deposit them in the bank but I love looking at them every now and them…. the feeling of ” satisfaction “, y’know ? he he Sheeesh, Scrooge, much. But I’m generous, don’t get me wrong. I just gave some $$ $ to the Obama campaign, and to Loaves and Fishes.

  5. Ummmmm….
    I don’t know what to say about this one. Drug dealers are no fun to offend. And detectives are just stupid to offend. Remind me to tell you about the time I witnessed 8 San Francisco cops work over a handcuffed pimp in the underground parking lot of the jail…(I was also in handcuffs, just so you know, along with a few other guys… Later they called and asked if I would testify. What do you think I said?

    • Mooselicker says:

      You were with about a dozen guys, some in tight police uniforms, and this all took place in San Francisco? I’ll leave it be…

      • The charges were dropped. I was busted for interfering in an arrest, but I thought the guy was being mugged… two plainclothes cops beating a guy in a dark parking lot at 2 in the morning… with blackjacks. Go ahead, turn that into a gay joke. I dare you.

  6. Pete Howorth says:

    Oh man that chick from Weeds; I have an obsession with her, I want to marry her, I want to mount her on my wall, I … I’ll leave it there. How is she old but so hot though? I blame it on me getting older and finding older women hot.

    I’m pretty sure the easiest way to make a lot of money is to become a reality tv star, have sex with someone on tv then sell your story to the newspapers how you caught an STD.

    • Mooselicker says:

      I’m not saying we should but I am suggesting we double team Mary Louise Parker. Weeds is over. She can’t possibly have anything more left in her. I say she’d be willing. I promise not to stare if you won’t.

  7. Cafe says:

    Hear! Hear! (or is it here, here!? … no, I don’t think so … anyways …) I like where your head’s at, Tim. You really can’t go wrong with your priorities straight like that 😉

  8. Make as much money as possible by doing the least amount of work possible… I think I’ve heard my son say this, and I believe my husband responded with “Welcome to everyone else in the world’s fantasy.” hahah!

    • Mooselicker says:

      Is it really work if you love doing it though? That’s all I want, to be able to do something I enjoy doing. I say this as I tear pages from a book at my job. I love destroying things but I still feel empty with this as my income source.

      I wish I was a prince or somehow related to Bruce Jenner.

      • I think, other than being Royalty, rock stars or super models, work is work. I love psychology and counseling but there’s still an aspect of it which feels like work. The same with my husband. There’s always some tedious piece of it that’s actually work.

      • Mooselicker says:

        Are you saying we should get rid of paper completely? I think paper is what slows everyone down. Signing things, reading things, doing all that paperwork is what makes us angry. The road bumps in anything we enjoy doing always feel the worst. It makes us question if we actually do like in the first place. Ugh now you’ve got me thinking.

  9. Here’s hoping you always have all the whores and booze you desire. Wait, that didn’t quite come out right…

  10. Roberta says:

    What really are the “formidable years”. I’ve heard of the formative years. That’s when your brain and personality are still forming. Tho I believe that I did spend a few formidable years, won’t go into detail, but I got over it by growing up a little. Still have an occasional formidable weekend, but took an Advil and was fine by Monday.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Clearly I don’t know the difference between the two words so your explanation means little to me. You mentioned pill addiction though so I understood that part.

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