Defending Religions

Posted: November 20, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

By no means am I a religious man. When I was a younger boy I saw a picture of Jesus and thought it was Al Pacino as Serpico in disguise. Most of my religious knowledge comes from The Simpsons, South Park, and a few other parodies. I’ve never had much use for religion in my life. I believe there to be a deep seeded evil in me that prevents it. Despite not being holy I feel the need today to defend religion from an apathetic viewpoint.

(Jesus at his press conference announcing he will be returning in a few days)

Atheists get a bad reputation because many are so strongly against religion of any sort. They’re so against it they say you’re an idiot if you believe in anything having to do with religion. Why though does it matter what other people believe? These are the same people who go around yelling at a person when they find out the guy doesn’t like Die Hard. What does it matter if someone doesn’t have the same viewpoint as you? Isn’t forcing your atheist belief system onto a religious person just as bad as a religious person forcing their outdated belief system on you?

The big thing though is a lot of people who are so anti-religion are very pro everything else. Anti-religious or members believing in antidisestablishmentarianism (I had to throw that in) tend to be very what they call “liberal.” Liberal to me means open-minded to everything, easy going, and probably a drug user. I’m not liberal at all. I’m very close minded because I have lived long enough to know some stereotypes are true, some people are assholes, and Keith Richards is the only guy to ever benefit from drug use and I don’t have near his musical talent to even try following in his footsteps. Liberal has become a word meant to represent “I vote Democrat.” Somehow the word Prickface has come to represent “I vote Republican.” I don’t support either party because I agree with things from both sides. I honestly think at this point the Republicans would do a better job for America but the Democrats will do more to help me personally. I don’t really care about how America does. I care about myself because in the end I’m all I’ve got. Enough about politics though. Let me go back to the less controversial topic, religion.

(I don’t get why Obama is the “good guy” just because he’s a Democrat. Isn’t the President’s job to be the bad guy? Rooting for the president feels to me like rooting for your high school principal)

It doesn’t bug me when people mock religion, I’ll do it myself. What bugs me is when someone mocks religion and can’t take similar mocking about something they believe in. If you make fun of someone’s religion you better be prepared to get made fun of for your race, sexual orientation, or handicap. Some may say race, sexual orientation, and handicap are not choices therefore off-limits. But is religion really a choice? I don’t think anyone would choose religion. That’s not how it works. It’s the same way you don’t choose who you’re attracted to. If it were up to me I would be attracted to houseplants because they’d never turn me down and they can’t scream. There are certain things in a person’s life and in their belief system that isn’t even up to them. Call it fate, destiny, whatever you want. If you want to pull a knife on someone based on their religion be prepared to get a nuke dropped on you for anything.

I doubt religion will ever become a big part of my life. Who knows? Maybe I’ll see a Jesus face in a sandwich one day and I’ll take it as I should stop cursing then I’ll join the cloth. I have bad eyesight so I’ll probably never notice the Jesus face and I’d end up eating a miracle. And although religion isn’t for me it does do a lot of great things. It brings communities together, helps those with addiction, and it gives back more than it takes. Sure, some churches and religions are utterly evil in some way but I think it’s worth it to have some around that actually help out. You wouldn’t (well you might) blow up the entire Middle East just because there are a lot of terrorists there would you? With some bad there is also some good. Buy some strawberries from the supermarket and ignore them for 2 days. You’ll know what I mean.

(Doesn’t the mold look like a beard? Now I wish it was Christmas)

  1. robpixaday says:

    “I’d end up eating a miracle”
    Best line ever. Could be a song…the chorus maybe. Anthem for Agonized Agnostics.

    Yes, oh yes: people who attack/mock/make fun of really ought to be prepared to be attacked/mocked/made fun of. But “really ought to” is such a rare occurrence. So we have a lot of what you’re describing. I never talk to anyone about religion, anywhere, anytime. And anyone who persists in talking to me about it generally gets my “Go piss up a rope” face.

    Oooo… strawberries and mold? LOL..I thought it was 2 cats flaying Santa.
    Time for new glasses.

    • Mooselicker says:

      ::begins writing the song now:: You’re right, that sound so catchy!

      I don’t mind people mocking anything in general even if it can be a little cruel. I also understand if I’m willing to insult anyone for any reason I better be comfortable enough getting insulted back or at least hide my faults to limit their ammo.

      I don’t think you need new glasses, it does look like that!

      • robpixaday says:

        “at least hide my faults to limit their ammo.”

        It’s kind of sad that people can’t be more relaxed about this stuff. The world has gotten so pinched up and prissy about everything. Making fun of others is one of humanity’s best ways of laughing. And we all need to laugh. True, there are third rails and lines that shouldn’t be crossed, etc., but they differ for everyone and it’s practically impossible not to annoy someone else at some point.

        The best thing I ever learned at work was to tease and be teased. ILaughter made a small paycheck seem larger.

      • Mooselicker says:

        Dead on! Who doesn’t laugh and make fun of each other with their friends? When I screw up and say something stupid I want to be able to get called out on it. When a friend does the same I want to be able to do it back to them 🙂

  2. Brother Jon says:

    Yes. It’s always confusing to me when a self professed atheist (I know many….great people) talks, even “preaches” about peace and hope and love and whatever else good there is to day…but you bring up God and it’s all over. They get so angry.

    For instance, The Boy Scouts of America are having a problem including gay scouts, which is very bad and unreasonable. I have peace love dope friends who ARE NOT scouts, but they claim that if they were they would publicly throw away all of their stuff. Seems a little extreme to me. Good post.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Penn Jillette is the ultimate Atheist. I think he’s great but enough about how religious people are wrong. He’s turned Atheism into a religion. It bothers me the most because he’ll never have a chance to tap dance and say “I was right and you were wrong.” There’s no real reason for being such an outspoken Atheist. I think it’s a pride thing where they want to feel like they can handle things on their own and don’t need a community or church for advice. If you don’t need those other people then why brag about how scientific you are? You clearly do need other people to put down to raise yourself up.

      Glad you liked Brother Jon!

      • Brother Jon says:

        Yeah….He doesn’t bother me as much as Bill Maher does. I enjoy both of there shows, at times, just like you said though…a little overkill on the non-belief part.

        Ricky Gervais does a Bible skit that is pretty funny.

      • Mooselicker says:

        Gervais isn’t annoying about it. He says “this is my opinion, think what you want.” The British are so much better at expressing themselves whereas Penn and Bill shout and belittle.

      • Richard Dawkins and his whole “flying spaghetti monster” analogy bothers me too. It just doesn’t seem very constructive to try to convert people away from their belief in God by making them look absurd. Whether he’s right or not, no one ever changed their mind by being mocked.

      • Mooselicker says:

        Richard Dawkins always makes me think of Richard Dawson then I get confused as to which one was on Hogan’s Heroes and which hosted Family Feud. That’s my two cents on him.

  3. I love how you say that religion is the less controversial topic–these days that’s pretty true. I’m not religious either–I grew up Catholic but I got over it, mostly. But I agree that religion can be a force for good, when it isn’t used to justify really awful things. It’s helped a lot of people I know, and if someone believes in a particular religion or a particular god, who am I to tell them they’re wrong? Hardcore atheists are just as bad as hardcore religious zealots.

    Also, “If it were up to me I would be attracted to houseplants because they’d never turn me down and they can’t scream” should go down in history as one of the funniest and most disturbing lines ever.

    • Mooselicker says:

      I feel the same way about religion like I do anything, who am I to say someone else is stupid for having a different belief? Well, at least if I do say it I should always be aware enough to know I might be as dumb, maybe dumber. Atheists only bug me when they put down other people for actually believing something, but anyone who puts down others for no good reason annoys me.

      I’m glad you appreciated that line 🙂

  4. Lily says:

    I agree with a lot of what you said. It bugs me so much when Atheists make fun of religions but we are not supposed to make fun of them. Fair. I always hated it on South Park when they would make fun of my religion, but then I would always laugh when they made fun of everyone else’s. Then I realized that I shouldn’t be as offended because it’s not like they were ONLY making fun of mine. They made fun of everyone’s equally.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Mormons only get made fun of a lot on South Park because they grew up around them. If they grew up around me I’m sure they’d have a lot more insults about the Catholics. Strange thing is Trey Parker isn’t even an Atheist. He doesn’t believe with any one religion, but he also believes ina higher power. Hopefully the higher power he believes in has a sense of humor.

      • Lily says:

        Trey Parker actually grew up Mormon (I believe). I think that’s why he knew so much initially, and why he was able to make a whole play about it. And Matt Stone was Jewish I think. Write about what you know, right?

  5. There were so many good lines in this post, I lost count. Excellent post. I used to be really religious but I’m not anymore, although I probably should be so C can have something good to rebel against when she gets older.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Thanks! I’ve never heard of anyone finding God to give their child something to rebel against. You have a very unique perspective on things. Why does this response sound like a spam comment?

  6. This may be your deepest post yet. By which I may or may not mean that the shit has now risen above your ears. But since I don’t believe in anything, I support your right to say whatever it is you just said. I don’t have a horse in this race.

  7. Addie says:

    South Park is the equal opportunity make fun of things place to live. I don’t practice my faith (started by a King) but, I do believe in God and the Universe, I’m just not interested in other people telling me HOW I should believe in the two. Nor do I like handing over my money. I’m not wild about taxes, either. Did you know they once taxed you based on the number of windows you had? I’d have been the person who had a hole in the wall serving as a door, window and chimney, I hate taxes that much.

    I’m rambling, but, you get my drift, I hope. If you can’t take it, then stfu about other people.

    • Mooselicker says:

      You said you wanted to teach history, why don’t you? Everything you said about religion is a blur to me I can’t stop focusing on how you know about window taxes.

  8. Cafe says:

    I think it’s really what people end up doing with religion that matters. I’ve seen it turn people’s lives around, give them hope, a purpose, peace of mind, true happiness — and in that case, I fully support and respect it even if I don’t believe in the same things. As long as they’re not hurting other people. Then I’ve seen other people do things in the name of religion, or because of what they believe in, that breaks up families, and/or makes others feel lesser than because they believe in something else. They become so one-track minded in thinking that their religion is right and everyone else is wrong that they don’t remember the principles of love, tolerance and understanding that I’m sure every religion teaches.

  9. Addie says:

    By the way, I didn’t mean the stfu for here, I meant it for people who talk about other *insert subject* in a sneering way, yet, can’t take anyone saying a discouraging thing about their own *insert subject*.

  10. This post was riddled with some pretty great one-liners, most of which everyone else also seemed to have enjoyed. I wish I had this post when I was in University so I could have made many many copies and distributed it to everyone in my residence building. Being a Catholic isn’t exactly what all the cool kids are doing these days, so I was always asked why I wasted my time on Sundays between 5-6pm.

    I answered questions if people asked but never forced my opinions down people’s throats because I knew exactly how that felt when the super atheists forced their opinions down mine.

    I always thought that people who go out of their way to bring down and ridicule (peace-loving, non-crazy) religious people are afraid there actually might be something out there bigger than them. Kind of like how most homophobes are really just people who are still in the closet.

    This was one of your best. Not that I can’t relate to the senselessness of Puckerpunch, but this one definitely struck a chord with me.

    • Mooselicker says:

      College kids are the worst when it comes to anything and you don’t realize it until you’re older.

      I’m glad you enjoyed it and I guess am glad you could relate, I suppose. The last sentence was very poorly written if you want to break it down.

      What annoys me most are how people say they’re open-minded and liberal but religion is the one thing they’re not open-minded to. I wish I had something more clever or important to say here.

  11. I agree with everything Cafe said. It stands to reason that if any organization, religious or political, says they stand for love and tolerance and then tries to rip your face off when you question their beliefs, or God forbid, disagree with them, then I think we can agree that they are hypocrites.

    I think a softer more open response to people searching yields a much better outcome. I think highly evolved people don’t feel threatened when they’re in the presence of differing opinions. They’re secure in what they know. I sometimes get emotional and wish I didn’t. I was going to write a post about why people get so bent out of shape when someone questions their beliefs. I think it’s because our entire sense of who we are is built on constructs or schemas. When somebody threatens to break the foundation that our whole life and very existence is based on, then we get anxious and then we get angry. It’s defensive, really. We react and fight as if our whole life depended on it, which, in fact, it does. That’s the closest I’ve gotten to understanding why everything got so heated during the election season.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Cafe (Janice) is my moral compass. If you ever want to adopt another daughter living in Canada she should be it.

      You should write a post about that if you ever feel the need to. I think when someone gets bothered when their beliefs are questioned it means they don’t truly believe in them enough. In school we had to do persuasive essays and the teacher asked us after everyone read their essay in front of the class if anyone was persuaded. I raised my hand and said “If you are persuaded to think differently about any topic after a 5 minute speech by a 19 year old then you’re pretty weak minded.” No one in the class appreciated it but it’s true and after I type this I see this has little to do with anything.

      I think what it comes down to most is not insulting people for how they live their lives if it doesn’t hurt them or someone else. I’ve known people who use religion as a crutch but more so people with a good amount of faith in them have just that, faith enough where they don’t have to criticize me for not believing the same things as they do.

  12. breezyk says:

    I’ve wanted to find food with Jesus burned into it for year’s. I would sell that shit on eBay and life would be amazing.
    I sort of agree with your quid pro quo mentality- don’t make fun of
    Someone and not expect to
    Get razzed back. I call this the law of having older brothers

    • Mooselicker says:

      Sort of agreeing is close enough. And even if you disagree then the fact you’re not trying to sway me or me sway you means we’re doing it all right in the end.

      I never had any brothers. Are they really as evil as you say?

  13. Mooselicker, I read this blog from my phone the other day, but didn’t have the energy to type out a 2 paragraph response on my my I-Phone, but I loved it! As someone who’s not always 100% certain what I believe in, I get incredibly frustrated when people hit either end of the religious spectrum. I don’t particularly love being told that God is with me or that everything happens for the best no matter how crummy, nor do I love hard-core atheism.

    Not helping matters, I was 3-4 different Protestant religions as a child (my parents couldn’t make up their minds either), and later converted to Catholicism. (I married a Catholic.) However, unlike many religious folks, I strongly believe in the idea of God-directed evolution; although carbon-dating is often inaccurate, there’s a lot of other chemical and scientific evidence for evolution. I really hope my own kids are able to learn both theories, and not be entirely poisoned by living in such a ridiculously liberal area of the country. I want them to be able to decide for themselves.

    I think my annoyance with hard-core atheism is made worse by my own logic, which is to say Pascal’s Wager made perfect sense to me. You don’t have to be hardcore to see where it makes sense to live as though God might exist. Plus, most of our laws are based on Saint Thomas Aquinas definition of natural law, so like it or not religion has already permeated and shaped our society. Also, as our country becomes more and more liberal, we seem to forget that we were actually founded on the idea of religious TOLERANCE, not tolerance of only our own ideas.

    Keith Richards did not benefit from drugs though. Just look at him! I’m fairly certain he’s going to keel over any minute.

    • Mooselicker says:

      No harm. I read lots of blogs from my phone then never get around to commenting because days can go by or I’m too lazy. In fact I read this comment from my phone and totally forget what I was going to respond with. I liked this comment though.

      Unfortunately all I will say is I still think drugs helped Keith Richards at least a little bit. He’s outlived everyone of my relatives already. I think he’s doing pretty good for himself.

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