Earlier this week was the Golden Globes. I don’t know much about the results because my Facebook and Twitter friends weren’t doing their jobs and reporting every little detail online. If recently Freshly Pressed Traitor Lily was correct, I simply have to read her well-done popular piece. It’s pretty amazing that Lily was Freshly Pressed considering she hates children, never eats her vegetables, and is a general Anarchist. She was born in America and she doesn’t even like baseball. Now she’s living in Canada and she doesn’t like hockey. Which is it Lily? Which country do you despise more? Putting my personal attacks aside I want to talk about award ceremonies in general. Not big televised ones though. I want to talk about the ones our friends put together. The ones with very little merit.
I’ve come to the consensus (I can come to consensuses on my own because I have a split personality disorder, unfortunately most things we vote on are ties) that I will never win a contest. I’ve entered lots. I’ve put hard work into them too. But I lack the winning gene. I’m a tad bitter about this until I woke up this morning and realized what a sham these contests are.
(The only award ceremony that matters)
When a group of people or a community put together a contest, whether the winners are voted on or a group of elders choose the winner, it’s nothing more than a popularity jerk-each-other-off game. I’ll be specific because why not? There’s a comedy group I follow online. About two months ago they announced the nominees for all the different categories; best comedian, best bit, best sketch show, etc. I’m familiar enough with the community this contest was for and the thing is most of the nominees were already people who were, get this, really good friends with the people who run the site. Yeah, it’s like little league baseball all over again where the coach always picks his son for the all-star team.
I’m not saying a lot of people on the list I looked at didn’t deserve it. In fact, they probably did. But there was one person in particular who bugs the shit out of me from this list. He’s always publicized as a popular and successful comedian. I never actually saw him perform live until about a year and a half ago when he was the opening act on a professional show. He was…how do you say…boring. He was a hipster comedian. I was bored to death and only laughed because it was awkward and sometimes that’s the only thing to laugh about, how much everyone seems to hate the guy they’re watching. Perhaps he was having a bad night, but I have a feeling this was the usual him. Call it a hunch or call it I pretty much could tell from his big beard and fake stage name he’s a douche.
(“Have you ever noticed how airline food tastes like fear whenever I’m around?”)
Contests like these are very common in different communities. It’s nothing more than a way for the people in charge of the contest to let people they like win or gain some exposure. Fair enough. What annoys me is the falseness. People who decide to run these contests more often than not are looking for something in return from the nominees. In the comic book world you would never find out that Batman or Superman are running a contest for best superhero stuff. It would be someone like The Flash or Jewman who would do such a thing because they would want Batman to give them something in return later on. People who create contests like this are looking for nothing more than to help themselves.
As much as I hate these contests, I still love to them. Whenever it’s a community I’m familiar with I always get excited when I actually know and like someone on the list. They usually don’t win because I like losers (everyone reading this, I love you) so maybe this is where my bitterness comes from as far as awards are concerned. I simply think the people who end up nominated in these things suck. If someone in a small community is talented enough then they don’t need their ego stroked any more.