To be flawed is to be human. That sounds like something an ancient Chinese person would say. So true and so brilliant. What I really want to know though is at what point did Chinese people stop speaking English? Confucius has all these wonderful sayings and none are in Chinese, at least none of the popular ones. Maybe it’s because typing something in Chinese would require a special keyboard. Every time I go to a website for a language translation my computer nearly gets a virus. What does this say about America? It says we don’t want our own people learning new languages or I need to stop watching German porn online to learn a new language. Maybe that’s my flaw. Maybe I need to finally buck up and buy Rosetta Stone rather than watch a woman get defecated on to learn the most romantic language in the world, German.

davidhasselhoff-music

(Brag all you want about being big in Germany Hasselhoff. Never forget though that their toilets are the girl next door)

Rather than point out my flaws then have you all lie and say things like “You’re not that stop. You’ve never eaten anything and died so you must have some common sense” or “I’ve seen much smaller ones. Sure, it was an infant and he had a birth defect but I assure you I felt something.” Today I have decided to pass along the knowledge I have gained in life from my flaws. Hopefully after reading this you too can implement these ideologies into your life and stop being such a fuck-up.

The thing about flaws is we all have them and they come in handfuls. I make mistakes all the time and I’m not very good at much. My biggest talent is falling out of a bad situation by accident. I’ve let my flaws get me down over the years and the scary thing is when you do this you might become obsessed with these flaws. People will think they’re not attractive enough to be loved and because of this they take fewer risks when it comes to romance or dating. But really, after the age of around 16 does anyone ever really tell you to your face how much you suck and how ugly you are? Sure people might think it but not everyone will. It goes beyond looks too. If you let a flaw absorb itself into your skin it may be harder to get out.

skin

(Don’t let your flaws turn into these green arrows or whatever this picture says!)

I’ve known other people to go through what I have and sadly they never listened to my advice as people tend to rarely do. This particular person I want to mention had a problem. They told me about this problem after a big hinting phase where I had assumed they were at one point raped or voted for both George Bushs. Or is it Bushes? I’m not sure. As it turned out, their problem wasn’t something that bugged me at all. What did bug me was how once I knew they had this problem it was brought up non-stop. Everything that was wrong in their life was because of this one problem that albeit was a problem, but not something so out of control it should be as evil to them as they let it be.

I told this person I had similar issues and not to worry. I would never judge. I was continuously told I didn’t understand and after a while I gave up on trying to help. This person let what could have been a miniscule issue devour them. We’re all smart enough to know nobody is perfect. It’s a shame we let ourselves be defined by a particular flaw.

What I have come to realize is that nobody likes me for anything other than me. Sure, some people may like a quality about me, but it doesn’t matter unless they like me for who I am completely as a whole which is pretty darn good if I do say so myself. It’s true about everyone though. I may think someone is funny but if they’re a lousy person and not fun to be around I won’t put up with it. Same as with a person’s flaws, I won’t not associate with someone just because they have something wrong with them. I think we’re all that way, at least I hope so.

amy_schumer_-_ticket_cake_teaser_2_-_1330537557

(Amy Schumer is the exception to this rule. I don’t care how funny I’m told she is. There’s just something about her face that really bugs me)

The best way I find to get over your flaws, hell to get over anything, is to make it known. Let people know you think you’re fat. Let people know you’re unusually tall and have red hair. If you have a learning disability, be open about it. Trying to hide a problem will cause you undue stress. Are people going to really laugh at you because you have something wrong with you? Remember, as much as you’re worrying about your own issues, everybody else is worrying about their own.

Comments
  1. tinkadele says:

    I could hardly concentrate on the words with an image of the Hoffinator on my screen, his eyes burning deep into my soul. Hypnotising.

  2. When you know that someone likes/loves you despite all your flaws and actually because of them, well what more can you ask for in life? Part of the reason why my husband and I really get along is because we don’t see each other as a two-column list of good and bad attributes. Instead, we are whole people. We have our good days and our bad days, but we’ve learned to never isolate them. They just comprise this life that we’ve made with each other. If anything, the flaws make that life a lot more interesting and richer.

    Great post, Tim. You are flawed in all the good ways.

  3. My quote for this post is simple yet profound:
    If you didn’t spend so much time worrying about what people think of you, you might realize how seldom they do.
    (I don’t mean you, but just people in general)…

  4. German language, the forgotten language of love. You have to spit when speaking German. It is the foreplay to kissing. Exchanging of saliva via language. A beautiful thing.

  5. twindaddy says:

    If the Hoff is indeed big in Germany, what does that say about German culture?

  6. Addie says:

    I’m still wondering where you found the green arrow picture. SO profound, yet, so simple in design.

    I was married to a German. None of the above ever happened, thank goodness.

  7. That last sentence – so true. We all feel like everyone’s watching us so hard, but in fact everyone only cares for himself. All narcists. All of us.

  8. josefkul says:

    I’m an adopted and reformed ex-German and I can assure you we all sound like nazis. That sweet German grandmother who likes to macrame you sweaters and feed you Werther’s candy is an instant secret nazi as soon as she starts to speak.

    • Mooselicker says:

      I normally wouldn’t take the word of a strange but I’m going to have to go with you on this. You seem fully qualified. Plus you’re reading this blog. You have to at least have a little bit of Nazi Sympathy to understand it.

  9. Luddy's Lens says:

    That whole riff on the Chinese is brilliant.

  10. robpixaday says:

    “they come in handfuls.”

    Had to stop reading long enough to giggle at the mental image I got of this.

    Anyway, flaws! They come in bucketfuls….truckloads. Well, that’s been my experience. I could open a store called Flaws-R-Us. But no one would shop there because everyone’s just messy conglomerations of flaws already.

    Very insightful post. Not a flaw in sight.
    Well…maybe one. But on of my flaws is being to dense to find it.

    🙂

  11. You mean that Poop Porn was German? That ruined my porn-watching spree. I’ll never watch porn again because of Germans and Japanese women who likes fistful of test tubes instead of peens fucking them. Hey, maybe they invented the term test tube babies!

    We’re all works-in-progress. And that person who keeps whining to you is beyond reason to see that. I have so many of them in my “real” life. You’re just fed up with hearing the same thing over and over again even after all the advice you gave. I guess sometimes people just need to learn some things on their own without anyone’s help.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Do you really watch a lot of porn or are you just being a goose? I’m not sure I want to know. Actually I do. I know I’ll be disappointed with both answers and for different reasons.

      I’ve actually been thinking about this post more lately. I started talking to someone else who was similar to the main person I basically dedicated this blog post to. Too often people let their flaws define them. They hide all the great things for some reason because I guess they think they’re just whatever fucked up problem they have. Sad really. I’ll probably write a follow-up.

      • To that question: HAHAHA! Yes and No? Now you’ll be disappointed for both reasons. Actually you can’t help but watch those stuff with all the boys in my family who have their stuff lying around, and some gay friends who have more porn files than word documents on their computers. Ugh, all the evil these eyes have seen. That poop porn? I actually endured watching it til the end. Can’t eat anything after though.

        The really annoying thing with people getting absorbed in their problems/flaws is it’s too hard to reach them. It’s like they don’t listen at all. It’s like they like the feeling of being something “wrong”. So that people could comfort them, maybe? Like it’s their way of reaping care? I don’t know. You really should write that follow-up.

      • Mooselicker says:

        That was probably the last response I wanted to my question.

        So I have to make another animation as well as write up a follow-up blog post now? When am I going to start getting paid to do this? But you’re right which I know you like to hear. I try to be open about my problems with at least someone. People are generally forgiving. At the very most they enjoy hearing about how fucked up other people are.

      • People demand to see your work because they love it. That’s what fans do. They think artists are their bitches because they’re paying to see your work. Err, wait, I’m not really paying here so you’re not my bitch yet. Damn.

        Shouldn’t you be asleep now? Or are you joining the insomniacs club?

      • Mooselicker says:

        You’re too wonderful. Did you start taking Xanax? Ambien? Those two drugs always make people appreciate me.

        And I went to bed probably right when you sent this.

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