“He said he’s been playing Call of Duty and drinking with this girl and she’s slept over three times but he hasn’t had sex with her because ‘he doesn’t know if she’s in the mood’ so he wants to know how to tell when she’s in the mood haha”
This was a text message that was sent to me. It’s like many other text messages only this text message is mine. The circumstances surrounding the text though are what I want to tell you about. At first this may seem like any average text. I assure you, it’s the most pathetic thing I have ever read and I’ve read your blogs. Joking. No I’m not. Some of you I’m not.
Like most stories this one starts off with a girl dating a boy. There are other stories like a gross one where a boy dates a boy or really hot stories were a girl dates a girl. It’s a double standard. The boy and the girl date for about a year. At first it’s fine and then the boy starts dressing in women’s clothing and cries all the time. The boy is also incredibly unfunny, stupid, and looks like Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts. I just wanted to make it clear here that this boy isn’t me.
(See, Donkey Lips looks nothing like me. I never wear solid colored shirts either. When you wear a solid colored shirt it’s easier for people to notice everything that’s wrong with your body. Just a little tip)
The girl eventually breaks up with the boy. More than three years go by and every so often the boy will text the girl and say things like “We should smoke a blunt together” or “Your dad invited me over last night and we smoked or a blunt together” or “I’m a big fat cross-dresser.” The girl humors him by responding even though she knows she shouldn’t. All she’s doing is giving him hope that one day they will get back together even though that would be impossible, she respects herself now.
(Vinny Hutchinson better known by his stage name “Lady Gaga” is a successful cross-dresser and even he has trouble getting respect sometimes)
A day comes along when the girl receives a text message from the boy. He says he needs some advice, the same advice and situation mentioned at the beginning of this piece about how he’s invited a girl over to play video games with him and he’s not sure how to have sex with her. More than three years after their relationship has ended, they haven’t maintained a friendship at all, and he has no one to turn to other than her to ask about how to get a girl into bed. Pathetic? I think so.
My own personal advice to this guy is the following, don’t ask ex-girlfriends who hate your guts for advice on anything other than noose tying. Why would she ever want you to get laid? You’re her ex-boyfriend whom she never wants to talk to again. Ask, I don’t know, a male friend for some advice on this topic?
If you really want to know when she’s in the mood you’ll know it when she asks to do something other than play a video game that involves shooting other human beings. She’s using you for alcohol and you’re only in her life because you exist and something better has not come around yet. She has slept over because you were both probably too drunk to get her home and she values her life more than she values sleeping with you. When will she be in the mood? Hopefully never. You give her minimal entertainment and you will forever roll over and give her whatever booze she wants. She has gotten from you what she wanted. Why do something so disgusting as to let you take your girl panties off in front of her?
(I know girls like playing some video games but not first person shooters. This girl probably has a horse face or is a burn victim. Maybe even a big erection in the front of her panties)
Oddly enough, I have never met the guy in this story yet the venom is clear anyway. I don’t like guys who are such wimps. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help or advice. Just be a little smarter and not ask someone who told me you like dressing up as a woman for this help.