Okay so it’s that time of the week again where I share some fantabulous non-traditional blogging project I’ve been doing I promised myself I would put a lot of time and energy into. Luckily I’m a few weeks ahead and have the next month or so complete, for the most part. I guess I could always make a video of a cat doing something if I get lazy. People love that shit.

Anyway, this week I’m letting you all know about another book I wrote up that’s available for your reading leisure. It’s called Silence: My Worst Stand-Up Comedy Performances and Experiences. It’s about exactly what the title suggests. On February 2, 2006 I tried doing stand-up comedy for the first time. It didn’t go very well. I wrote about it in this book. Two weeks later I got booed off stage. Well, I was already leaving to be fair but it sounds more tragic to say the boos forced me off stage. I was 18 at the time and still in high school. I had people more than twice their age booing me and I didn’t kill myself. I wrote about it in this book! There are a few more stories. The time I was asked to never show my face in a club ever again as well as the time I had a room full of 200 high school students throw gum at me because I lied to them. I won’t tell you what I told them but it’s pretty funny and is a bucket list item.

There are more stories as well. They’re not my “sad depressing I want to kill myself because the audience is only 3 people and 1 is my dad” stories. They’re more about everything being my own fault and how I was nothing more than a silly young man with no clue what I was doing. They’re written very much in the vain as this blog; very detailed, honest, and self-deprecating. I don’t think some of my closest friends or family members know some of these stories so hey, learn a little bit about things I never told anyone because it was so embarrassingly cringe-worthy.

Right now it’s only up on Amazon because I’m attempting to see how their Amazon Exclusive Feature works. If you have a Kindle, no problem. If you don’t have a Kindle you will need to download there feature here.

The way Amazon Exclusive works is you can only make something free for 5 days every 90 days. Okay then…so if you have even remote interest and would like a free copy I’d recommend doing it now. I’ll put it up on other sites later on of course, but I wanted to give this a try. Of course you could always wait a few days and buy it for the incredibly low price of $1. Or even better, you can buy a million copies for free and give me a million dollars. It doesn’t matter. All I ask if you get a free copy is that you leave a review for me once you’re done because people actually buy things from Amazon. Or I think if you’re a Kindle Prime member you can borrow it and I’ll still get money. Yeah, if you’re one of those do that and we’ll find out. I don’t care. Just read it. I’m going to leave this free for 3 days so I can use the other 2 days later on.

What do I promise with this book? I promise you humorous tales of failure. If you hate me you’ll love this because like nothing good happens to me except for a gay person giving me a high-five. I insult myself throughout and you’ll get a better idea of what I was like when I was younger, a naive idiot who didn’t understand anything about relating to other human beings. I’m so glad I’m nothing like that anymore. That was a half-joke.

Thanks and I hope you read it, enjoy it, and you learn something about incredibly heartbreaking the lowest rungs of show business can be.

silence standup

  1. Addie says:

    I see myself reading this.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Thumbs up! This is also a good test because I have something similar I wrote over the summer that I’m attempting to get turned into a real book (you know with agents and other crappy people). It’s to the same style, but actually a lot better. Hope you enjoy it!

  2. You make me wish I had time to read more… maybe if your posts weren’t so long I would have more time…

  3. Lily says:

    This sounds more interesting to me, personally, than the baseball one. I’m sure you made the baseball one relateable, but yeah I was lazy. I’m probably really offending you by calling it “the baseball one” instead of it’s title.

    I might possibly read this one. But then I would lose my streak of not reading people’s masterpieces.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Well not only does this one have nothing to do with sports, it’s also like 1/3 shorter and is divided in like 7-8 short stories all around 2500 words. It’s like a couple of really long blog posts. Sold yet? Ummm a lot of really bad things happen to me in this book and about half are my own fault? That should convince you.

      I should change the title to the baseball book to “Lily” and trick you into buying it.

      • Lily says:

        Hahhah yeah I would be so flattered and then I’d be like “Hmm I don’t remember signing up for little league when I was 8…”

  4. Whoa…Writing books now? I thought there was an agreement to just write blogs of our ineptitude?

  5. tinkadele says:

    Got it because I’m cheap and I fancy a laugh, at your expense. I’ll drop a review on Amazon US & UK (that counts) once I’m done, which I would say is not likely to be soon with the work piling up on my desk but I’m a procrastinator so watch this space.

  6. tinkadele says:

    It’s not looking good. If it doesn’t work, 1. that explains why I’ve had no fan mail this far and 2. I’m voting that you send it carrier pigeon, the old ways are the best.

  7. The Waiting says:

    I started reading it last night and it is HILARIOUS. I’ll promote it on my FB once it’s not free anymore so you can make a couple bucks off of it 😉

    • Mooselicker says:

      Thanks Emily! I’m utterly shocked how many people have enjoyed it which makes me really happy because I basically wrote the same thing about all my ex-girlfriends and bad dates I’ve had. That’s a book I’m going to try taking to a publisher and if people like this book a lot it would be a big help.

  8. Laura4NYC says:

    A 77 page book could be an easy and tempting read…!

  9. Pete Howorth says:

    Huzzah. Another Tim Boyle spesh, looks like I have to purchase this beast as I’ve been lazy on the blog reading but nay mind.

  10. my gay mom says:

    Congrats on the book! There’s nothing more enjoyable than hearing about someone eating it on stage. I’ve been threatened by a KKK member, booed off by 5000 Wynonna Judd fans, and dropped my pants only to forget the punchline. I wish you the very best on your tales of the very worst.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Thanks! We’re a different breed of humans aren’t we? The whole world is against us. I remember Johnny Rotten saying the audience is the enemy. Sometimes that whacky Brit was dead-right.

      • my gay mom says:

        We are indeed. And we’re such assholes it’s not even stand-ups vs. the audience or world. We’re against each other, too.

      • Mooselicker says:

        Haha good point. There are so many levels of enemies. Comedians versus audience. Comedians versus comedians. Club versus clubs. Owners versus everyone. I almost wish more people knew how things worked but maybe that wouldn’t be so funny.

      • my gay mom says:

        Yeah, it’s the whole making of sausage thing. It definitely wouldn’t be as funny/enjoyable to see how vile we treat each other. For the audience, I mean. For us, it’s hilarious. But we’re also depraved.

  11. Is this free again? Please say yes. I want to read it but I’m cheap so you really have to say yes.

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