There’s nothing wrong with the pharmacy Rite Aid other than the fact they have a variation of the word “right” in its name. I’m not a big Rite Aid fan as far as pharmacies go. They never seem to have what I want. Unfortunately sometimes you don’t have a choice which pharmacies you buy your peanuts from. Right now the nearest CVS to me is a mile downhill which means if I ever want to get back home I’ll have to go a mile up hill. Walgreens? I think I have to cross the River Styx to get there. The following is a short excerpt on why I do not like Rite Aid. It can be better known as “finding something to complain about.”

(It’s really not that bad of a song)

I stopped in at Rite Aid hoping to get milk and peanuts. I’m practically made of these two items now. They’re close to 90% of all I ingest other than the ten spiders the average person eats a year while sleeping.

The first bad sign at this particular Rite Aid was when I noticed they only had two kinds of milk a few days earlier. They had Whole Milk and 1%. Huh? Where’s the variety? That’s the spice of life. On this day though they only had Whole Milk and 2%. Is this a sign from God that I need to fatten myself up? I have been getting beaten up a lot by middle schoolers so maybe I should.

middle schoolers

(They’re a lot meaner when the teacher isn’t around)

Normally I’ll drink Skim Milk but I don’t mind the other kinds so I didn’t complain. When I went further down the aisle to grab some peanuts I noticed they had none. Well, they had plenty but no smaller bags. Don’t they realize people without self-control like me exist? How can I possibly have a giant container of peanuts in my home and not eat them all in one sitting? I instead grabbed the last small bag of salted cashews available. Cashews are good, just not as good as peanuts. Cashews taste a little too much like toe nails, the object their shape most resembles.

I got to the front of the line when the biggest problem of all happened, there was a line. Not only was there a line, there was one line. The other cashier was standing there though, possibly learning English because she didn’t seem to speak it very well when the working cashier muttered things under her breath about how lazy the non-English speaking one seemed to be.


(I think she spoke Klingon. “Buenos dias” is Klingon right? And why does dias come up as a misspelling but Klingon doesn’t? Further proof a nerd invented spell check)

At the front of the line was an Arabian woman. Maybe she wasn’t Arabian. She had on something you would see a Muslim woman wear without the cool foot soldiers from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles mask. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t Muslim though because she was buying Christmas lights. Lots of them. I think they were on sale. I would estimate she bought around 50 of these little cases because her total came out to $58 dollars. If each was a buck and you add on sales tax you get around $58. Needless to say, standing in line behind a woman at a pharmacy buying 50 items can make you really hope to see her get hit by a bus outside, 50 times.

Next in line was a Hispanic woman. I can never tell Hispanic women’s ages. They all look 30. I think the more a Spanish woman smiles the younger she is. After standing in line for 8 minutes and not moving up a single spot, this Spanish lady had a lot of questions to ask. She was buying three Swiffer products and each one she asked about the price. Ummm does she not know these things are labeled? She ended up getting two of the items and not the most expensive. Oddly enough, the most expensive was also the biggest. Go figure, the more you get the more expensive it will be.


(Obviously the big hand would be more expensive than the little hand. Then again, can you really buy hands?)

Finally in front of me was a curly-haired white woman in puffy black coat. I already hated this woman because while walking down a crowded aisle she didn’t even for a second think to let me get by. She was probably 50 and very pushy. She was buying a bag of almonds, three Snickers bars, and pain killers. Then she spotted an on-sale variety pack of peanut jars and grabbed that before checking out. I would hate to be this woman’s toilet paper.

I got to the front of the line and I was in and out much faster than these ladies. I was so fast as soon as I stepped outside I still saw the Christmas lights lady, the Spanish woman, and the pushy bitch standing there looking at their receipts to make sure they weren’t ripped off. I’m not really sure what I wanted to say here except for that lines suck and I don’t like people.

  1. tinkadele says:

    I’ve been to the US nine times and never once had the pleasure of going to a Rite Aid. I could relate to this post, I’m a silent observer. Why is it that people in supermarkets are always so much more irritating that anyone who exists outside of those walls?

    • Mooselicker says:

      Where in the US did you go? They’re a pretty crap pharmacy and only seem to have their own brands for the most part. I think once people start to get in line form they want to blame the person in front of them for all the injustices in the world. The further back you are in this line the more people there are to hate. Lines suck.

  2. Rite aid…First of all, the word rite is usually associated with some type of church or religious action. I suppose you could make a case for it being a customary practice. I just think it was a misspelling. (I could me missing something on that one though.) Secondly, Rite Aid has carts…Who is stockpiling at Rite Aid to the point where a cart is needed? Not to mention their carts are funky and dilapidated. I agree with the Rite Aid hate. CVS is alright, but just doesn’t do it for me. I miss Longs.

    • Mooselicker says:

      I never experienced a Longs. Drug Emporium is nostalgic to me. My mother would make me spend hours there.

      I agree with you on the whole shopping carts thing. I’ve seen too many people do their full shopping at these stores. Do they not realize the mark-up prices? You can get oatmeal for $3 less at a grocery store. People ain’t no good.

  3. robpixaday says:


    About that lady who asked the prices: maybe she was asking because some people do that because they figure if they ask and look super-pathetic, the cashier will give them a lower price. It works.

    You found a great place to get stories about people. Supermarkets are good, too.
    People are really annoying, though, so I guess that’s what they call suffering for your art.

    I was in the supermarket today and saw the guy who talks to rye bread. He’s there every couple of weeks and is one reason I never eat bread.

    SPIDERS!!!!!!!!!! ::shivers::


  4. I still hate Duane Reade most. Walgreens owns them now, but they’re still as incompetent as when they were independently owned. And I’m guessing that the pushy bitch is bitchy because of her diet. Can you imagine how backed up she must be?

    • Mooselicker says:

      Duane Reades are terrible indeed. I have never heard anyone say a single nice thing about them. I wonder if the real Duane is a dick too.

      If anyone knows how much nuts will clear you out it’s me. I’ll stop there.

  5. My favorite part of this is that picture of you to the right… I did like the Klingon/dias joke too… but that picture makes you look like a chinese communist from the 60’s…

  6. I wish I could eat nuts … I have the herpes virus (on my face AKA cold sores) and there’s a particular amino acid in all nuts (and legumes) that the virus feeds on. In fact, reading this article makes me want to get hit by a bus, 50 times, as my non-nut-eating lifestyle is as depressing as those three women.

  7. Addie says:

    I remember when I did all my shopping at Rite-Aid. It wasn’t right and it never aided me, so, the name was misleading. What is was, was expensive, making each trip a drain on my bank account. It should have been called, ‘Overpriced Burden’.

    • Mooselicker says:

      It probably would have been cheaper on you to buy your own grocery store or hire some thugs to beat up elderly women and steal their food than do all the shopping at Rite Aid. There are certain things you’ll see people buy there and wonder why they didn’t go somewhere else.

  8. The Waiting says:

    I have so much to say about this post that I may have to write my own. Suffice it to say that this was hilarious and after being in line with those people, I am sure I would hate humanity as well.

  9. […] post is in honor of my homeboy Mooselicker AKA Tim Boyle AKA the Voice of a Generation. He wrote this post that spawned the one you just read above. He is one of the nicest people I have encountered while […]

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