I’ll keep this short and sweet then maybe say something incredibly nasty at the end so you know it’s me. I entered a contest about a month ago where we needed to write a cliffhanger 1,000 words or less. I was excited because I enjoy competition and thought I could slip out of this one with the victory. Low and behold the contest is nothing more than a popularity contest. Its only function is to help the author who put the contest together get more Likes on his author page on Facebook. Fair enough. It’s just a little disheartening that I could have held down the “j” key 80 times and as long as I had a lot of people to vote for me I would have won. Who knows, maybe the contest is rigged and it’s actually not a complete sham. Perhaps there’s some outside chance this contest was not created with the sole intent of promoting his new book.

Still, I’d like to win. Chances are I won’t because people with big families always win these contests and that’s not something I have other than you guys. Awww.

Here are the steps you must take in order to vote for me. Unfortunately you need a Facebook account to do it which seems like this could be a really allegorical point about voters and IDs.

1) Go here

2) Like the page

3) Click on the Contest button

4) CTRL + F then search for “Tim” because that’s me

5) Click on the little “Vote” square at the bottom of my story. You can read it too. You should read it. This is a contest about voting for the best one, right? No. It’s not. Life is bullshit.

6) Make sure it counted your vote

7) Do it again maybe?

8) Beg me to vote for you the next time you need help. I’ll be more than willing.

That’s it. Thank you. Make me a beauty queen.


(This could be me, but you know, not a black female)


  1. wincontestz says:

    Hey i totally get it! I just voted for you! Now…can you help me out and vote for me! Thanks!

  2. tinkadele says:

    At times like this, I wish I had Facebook.

  3. SingingTuna says:

    I have 11 inactive FB accounts. If I can find all the passwords — not likely — so I can re-activate them, I’ll vote for you. I’m guessing it’ll be about 7 votes by the time I’m done. 1, for sure.

    You deserve to be popular and get that crown.
    Just practice your “Who, ME????” surprised look, OK?

  4. The Waiting says:

    You know I will of course vote for you. Will you kindly support my bullshit too by clicking the “Top Mommy Blogs” button on my blog next time you visit? All you have to do is click it and you’ve voted for me.

  5. SingingTuna says:

    ::bashes head on keyboard::

    I found 6 of my passwords and liked the page with one of them. But I never enabled apps so I couldn’t vote. One of the reasons I stay away from FB is because they’re trying to take over the world one computer at a time. I’ll try to get access to someone else’s computer to vote.
    BTW: I read some of it before I panicked. You should get the Grand Prize no matter how the voting goes.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Thanks for the effort thus far! Some of them are like 100-150 words and totally weak. Mine I think ended up being 995 words or so. Seriously, are they going to let someone who put forth such a weak effort win? I’ll be pissed.

  6. Addie says:

    I will do what I can before I leave!!

  7. Whoooopppssss… I tried to vote for you but I ended up voting for somebody that held down the ‘i’ key, because that comes before j in the alphabet….

  8. Lily says:

    I will vote for you, but it says I have to add a Facebook app which I hate doing, so basically you owe me big time.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Really? I had no problem and didn’t have to add any apps. I’m pretty sure I’m a goner though. That person who wrote 100 words will probably win because life is unfair.

      Thanks for the support! I really just want to sell the prizes.

  9. I don’t have Facebook 😦 otherwise you know I’d vote a thousand times.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Your moral support is worth more than any mini iPad I would ever win in the contest only to turn around and sell immediately because why do I really even need one anyway? 🙂

  10. Done! But you need to promise to post photos of yourself wearing your sash and tiara when you win.

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