Following my self-diagnosis of the flu, I have caught a much worse bug, the post-flu depression. I had been feeling severely depressed the last week or so and after carefully researching everything I could (typing something into Google once) I discovered that suffering from depression following a bout with the flu is common. Not that I’m normally a Happy-Go-Lucky kind of person, but this was far different. Not only do I feel the blue, I also have no desire to do anything at all. Think about the last day you were lazy. I feel like this all the time now which is weird because normally I’m highly motivated. This sickness feels like it has totally kicked my ass and changed who I am. I don’t like it and I need to get out of this funk before I do something stupid like express my emotions.
(Yeah you read that poetry and squeeze that invisible boob you nancy boy)
One thing that has always been a cure for me whenever I’m feeling down in the dumps is victory. Even a small victory like having someone confess their love for me or looking at the clock at 9pm and realizing I haven’t eaten much at all and have an excuse to stuff my face are fine example of the victories I look forward to every day. Sometimes though these victories are few and far between. So, in an attempt to get an even bigger victory which will surely make me happy for a more extended period of time I will need your help.
I am going to attempt to take something I wrote last summer to a real publisher. Self-publishing is all fine and dandy, but the keyword is “self” as in you have to do all the work. It’s great to have things out there and I plan to continue to do so only it’s not enough for me. It’s a small victory and the chances of me being able to go further with it are far more limited than if I had actual representation. I could probably make more money selling three books published by a real company than I have in self-publishing total. There are other things I could make more money at which I will not name because I really would like to go at least one post on this blog without using the phrase “sucking a dick.” I have to be professional now.
(I have to be more like these professional people. Except not like the redhead in the back. She looks too stiff. I thought those people were supposed to be fiery. Or am I thinking of their crotches?)
In short, what I need help with is coming up with the title for this completed manuscript. I have other things I’ve written, I’m working on, and whatever the other options are, but this one is as finished as it will ever be which is why I am choosing this one. It’s about every bad date, every horrible girlfriend I’ve had, and every time my heart was broken by a girl who didn’t think as highly of me as I did her. Okay, so it’s not every time just 95% of them which is plenty. I didn’t mention two people I dated because I genuinely care(d) for them but everyone else is fair game. The book involves everything from girls with lazy eyes not wanting to dance with me, the first date I ever went on which happened to be with a gang member, and in general how I managed to turn the entire female population against me. This is not one of those stories about conquests over women. It’s not about getting laid, being happy, or success in any way. It’s the anti-Tucker Max story. This is just about how incredibly fucking cruel life can be.
Now that you know what it’s about I need your help coming up with a title. I honestly have very few ideas on what to call it. Each chapter ends with me recounting what I learned from the girl and they’re always positive messages. Like for instance in one chapter I learn women are cruel and will take advantage of a sweet boy. In another chapter I learn I’m not as good-looking to a sober girl as I am when she’s drunk. It’s pretty fantastic and what I need from you is a title.
What should I call this bad boy so I can get started on getting rejected more frequently?