Over on the Kidz Showz blog today we had someone leave a nasty comment. They had seen something I posted on Craigslist about the offer to write for us and I guess their expectations were much higher. The gross thing they said in All Caps is what they said. The very long thing beneath that they will not appreciate me putting together is what I said back.

DISRESPECTED CUSTOMER

WHO THE FUCK DO YALL THINK YALL ARE?? YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE A PRIVILEGE TO SEND IDEAS TO YOU! BUT YOU SO DAMN TALENTED. WTF DO YOU HAVE POSTS ON CRAIGLIST FOR IS YOU ALL HAVE SUCH GREAT IDEAS.? RUDE ASS MUTHA FUCKAS! IF YOU ALL WERE SO GREAT YOU WOULD HAVE THE MONEY TO PAY FOR SOME OF THESE GREAT IDEAS. COCKY ASS MUTHAFUCKAS! FUCK THIS WEBSITE AND FUCK YALL CHEAP IGNORANT FUCKERS. I WAS ACTUALLY INTERESTED UNTIL I WAS DISGUSTED BY THAT BULLSHIT YOU CALL INFO AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE. VERY RUDE AND DISRESPECTFUL TOWARDS FANS OF THE SHOW LIKE ME.

Dear “Disrespected Customer”

What is it I am selling you that makes you a customer? Customers must first buy something. Everything on this site is free. Please try to remember that because it’s important later on for this whole “pay me!” thing you’re talking about.

Answering your first question would require me to answer for everyone associated with this website. Y’all is a contraction for “you all” which I’m sure you already know because you seem like a highly intelligent person. I can only speak for myself. Who do I think I am? I’m not sure. I question this a lot. My name is Tim Boyle though. I don’t think that’s exactly what you wanted now is it?

In a way it is a privilege to send ideas to us. Everything in life is either a privilege or a right. Driving a car is a privilege, not a right. You have to earn that kind of thing by proving you can follow directions and such. Another common right is the right to remain silent, one I wish you had decided to use.

Thank you for calling me so damn talented. I think you meant this sarcastically, but it translated poorly as much of what you do in life does.

Why do I have posts on Craigslist? Because I have discovered some really talented, generous, and hilarious writers there looking to expand their horizons and write for a new audience unfamiliar with what they have to offer. It’s really tough to build up an audience for anything in life and even if one person becomes a fan then I feel it’s worth it. Plus, I like the idea of community and people helping each other out, especially creatives. You probably have never had many people in your life who enjoy the idea of helping one another. I don’t blame you. I don’t know who to blame. I don’t even know your name let alone who it was that made you such an angry man or woman. I really hope you are a man because your writing style is incredibly unattractive. I would hate to find out the fairer sex has someone like you masquerading as a woman.

It’s spelled motherfucker. See, I’m starting to grow impatient with how poorly written your complaint is. I also think rude ass may have a hyphen between the two words. I’m not sure. I try to be courteous to people, even when they are rude ass/rude-ass motherfuckers.

If we were great we would have the money to pay for ideas? No. If we were good business people we would have the money to pay for these ideas. Great people do things on their own and don’t pay others to do it for them. What is it with you and money? The Craigslist ad clearly stated this was a No Pay Gig. Do you read books and stop before the end? Do you read?

Your calling me a, and I’m paraphrasing here because I like proper grammar, “cocky ass motherfucker” means two things. The first is that you didn’t look around the site much. We’re very cocky at times, it’s sort of a tradition around here. Clearly your sense of humor would not fit in with us. The second thing it tells me is you have poor self-esteem. Cheer up buttercup, life ain’t so bad. Put a little love out into the world and it will come back.

How is it that we are cheap because we do not pay people to write for us? We pay nothing to have this site up. We make $0 off of it. Where is the money coming from? I honestly feel bad for you. Between reruns of Maury and whatever other garbage you spend your days watching, you’re on Craigslist getting pissed off at a blog because we won’t give you money. I appreciate the fact you think this blog is so great that we are making money off of it. Truth is it’s almost impossible to make an income from a blog. You would know that if you ever tried doing it on your own. Unfortunately you strike me as a person who takes and never gives.

You’re breaking my heart saying you were very interested and have since changed my mind. You seem so talented, funny, and positive. I would compare your writing skills to a donkey taking a shit on a rug. There’s no real punchline there, but you get the idea. Do you know what disgusts me? People like you. People who are cowards and cannot say who they really are, especially when they have a problem. You’re just some anonymous asshole whose opinion means nothing to me. I’m sure you have many fine qualities, but you didn’t let them shine in your comment. And in no place did we call this info at the top of the page. They’re broken down into different categories. If you want to be technical you’re the one calling it info. I prefer to use the word information because it’s more intelligent and correct, but hey, we can’t all be cocky ass motherfuckers like me, can we?

I’m not sure what was so rude and disrespectful. This is a blog that I run with a friend of mine. We can put up whatever we want and as long as we don’t violate any terms we are allowed to continue. I’m sorry your hopes got up that you had found the “perfect” job for you, even though you clearly would not have been a good fit here or probably anywhere in society. If I could pay people to write for us I would in a heartbeat because it’s so hard to become a paid writer. Have you ever gotten paid to write anything? I honestly hope not because if the answer is yes I might break my own fingers off. Furthermore, which show are you specifically talking about? You act as if we are a television program with some leverage in the industry. I wish we did, but you’re sounding foolish.

I hope you come to terms with whatever is really bugging you make lots of money writing nasty messages to people. I’m going to be posting about you on my other blog over at https://mooselicker.wordpress.com because I think you deserve some attention that men or women have failed to properly give you. Life is hard, don’t make it harder on yourself or anyone else.

I would suggest to you that you create your own blog if you think we’re such cheap ass motherfuckers and see how easy it is to make money at. And you do realize we never said you could not write for us? We allow everyone who can put together a good piece to write for us. If you are still interested in writing for us and it will be for free because we do this for fun because we love writing and meeting other people with talent who can make us laugh, send me an email at timboyle109@yahoo.com with the subject “I have no manners.” And please spell everything correctly because I’m a little OCD about little things like that, especially when you’re apply to write something.

I hope the next time you apply for a job or look for a place to write you are much more polite. There’s a reason why nobody likes you. Surprise motherfucker, it’s not them, it’s you.

People are better off not knowing you,

Tim

P.S. Why are you shouting? The Caps Lock key is located on the far left of your keyboard. It’s next to the “A” key. Fix this.

P.P.S. I may delete both our comments in the next few days, but I want to give you a chance to read what I said. I don’t like having this glaring negativity sitting here. Just a heads up so you don’t go thinking I’m avoiding you.

I will report on any more battles that take place.

Comments
  1. The Waiting says:

    Best rebuttal ever. I stand in awe. Are you above posting this individual’s email? I have a pile of spam with his/her name all over it.

  2. That’s…a very prickly ten year-old (at least, psychologically) you got there. A big I-DI-OT, too. There’s idiots, and there’s i-di-ots. She belongs to the worse kind–the ones who think they’re right. Ugh. *facepalms*

  3. You may well have wasted most of this on that fellow, bvut I loved it. I am going to have you respond to all the negative comments I get from now on!

  4. 1jaded1 says:

    I read that sht twice and I still don’t understand it. Very articulate response on your end though.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Some people aren’t meant to communicate with the world. I think she’s one of them. And thanks. I wanted to leave no questions she may have had unanswered. A confused idiot is a scary idiot.

      • 1jaded1 says:

        “A confused idiot is a scary idiot.”. You could turn it into a PSA and post script that with “yes, I’m talking to you..”. It would go over her head, I’m sure.

      • Mooselicker says:

        I like it. I’m glad this gal has some person in life, being mocked.

  5. Good job, Tim. What a hideous person.

  6. Wow. Just wow. A female wrote that? You handled it well.

  7. Addie says:

    You were polite, witty and precise in your well written response. I am proud to be your friend.

  8. SingingTuna says:

    Arggghhhh. PEOPLE!!!!!
    Appalling behavior.
    Sometimes I think that the Caps Lock key should be licensed for use only by people who won’t spend their lives in vituperative hissyfits.
    It takes courage to stand your ground, Tim. I’d’ve packed up my account and unplugged the computer if someone left a comment like that on one of my sites. Oh…wait…someone has. And I did.
    Carp.
    People are a pain. Can’t say that enough.

  9. Just think, this imbecile can own a gun, have babies and vote. It’s scary world in which we live.

    • Mooselicker says:

      And she lives in North Carolina where I’m sure it’s a lot easier for her to do it. Never leave a comment on a site that tracks your IP Address people. At least no man will ever love her.

  10. Pen says:

    You are my favorite cocky-ass motherfucker. She seemed to be trying to use that combination of words in a negative sort of fashion, but I didn’t quite understand.

    My ex lives in North Carolina. We should just send a secret ninja on a mission of “prevent possible reproductive and voting abilities” for these horrible women.
    I would say the comment could possibly be her, but she hates Craigslist with a passion.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Cocky ass motherfucker isn’t really an insult. If she really wanted to insult me she should have found a weakness. What’s negative about being cocky? Clearly I wouldn’t be bothered if I was cocky. It’s never fun getting hate mail/comments but she wasn’t even trying to get me to feel bad.

      And I’m sorry you dated someone who at one point lived in North Carolina. Life can be rough.

      • Pen says:

        I’m not even sure how I would go about insulting you. Maybe that’s your superpower.

        Fortunately, she moved to NC after we broke up, so she isn’t a native or anything.
        However, she is a native of Kentucky. So there’s that.

        My superpower is consuming pickles at an amount that would kill anyone else on the planet.

        It’s not very useful.

      • Mooselicker says:

        Kentucky to North Carolina…is that moving up in the world or flatlining at subzero?

        That pickle eating ability you have could make you a lot of money in some industries.

      • Pen says:

        Haha. The competitive food circuit tends to stick with hotdogs and wings I think.

  11. tinkadele says:

    That persons remark really makes no sense, the first rule of having an argument is to have a point. I don’t get it, maybe it was a contest to see how many expletives you can get into one paragraph?

    • Mooselicker says:

      I think their point is that I’m a cheap-ass motherfucker. I wish they called me a broke-ass motherfucker though because that’s so much funnier. But yes, if you’re going to fight at least make some sense.

  12. tinkadele says:

    ps. Good call on the “worst human being alive” tag, made me chuckle. 😀

    • Mooselicker says:

      Keep in mind I have heard of Osama Bin Laden, Adolph Hitler, and Pol Pot. Pol Pot never gets much love. I like mentioning him. Glad you could laugh about this witch.

  13. So all I have to do to write for your blog is write a horribly spelled, badly worded, insulting comment? give me a day and I’ll insult you and then send my piece over.

  14. That troll. I hate rude comments and I tend to take them personally. I hope you don’t. It’s like s/he came into your house and started yelling at you. NOT APPRECIATED. Even as a fan slash blog friend, I’m offended for you.

    Sidenote, have you gotten a dillion guest blog request emails saying they’ll write something at no cost to you? I have, and occasionally I’ll have someone saying they’ll charge me for one though. What kind of rodeo do they think we’re running here?

    • Mooselicker says:

      Thanks Jells for feeling my anguish. I don’t take it personally because they’re not someone I even know let alone respect.

      And yes I have gotten a lot of emails saying they’ll write something and then they never do even after I give them an “assignment” and they seem eager. I’ve found a few good people recently though who are not only talented they’re also nice on the inside. Then there are those who email saying “How much does this pay?” Does that work at any job? Charm me, please. It’s not hard. Tell me you love the site then say you have some ideas. It’s not hard.

  15. Lily says:

    I honestly wish they could’ve seen that response because it would’ve been all the more sweet. I love shutting people down. “You seem so talented, funny, and positive.” haha perfect

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