Everything is better live. Comedy, theater, eating, sex, and punching an enemy in the balls are all perfect examples. The hard part about live shows is deciding which one is right for you. Here in the piece, and it is a piece after all because it’s a work of art, I will quickly summarize a few popular live shows for you in as few words as possible.
Blue Man Group – Smurfs hitting objects with other objects while lasers shoot all over the place.
Stomp – Blue Man Group with black people dancing.
Trans-Siberian Orchestra – Christmas music being played loudly.
Penn & Teller – Tall man with ponytail yelling loudly while short man does not speak, card tricks included.
Carrot Top – Bullied Ginger takes common objects and makes them less funny.
Cirque de Soleil – Foreign people bending in weird positions acting as an aphrodisiac for old unflexible bystanders.
Criss Angel – Robert Smith from The Cure without a singing voice deciding to waste our time.
David Blaine – Vin Diesel with higher endurance and dumber ideas.
Every One Man Show – A former alcoholic talking about his childhood in a tough neighborhood.
Every Comedy Show – More than one former alcoholic talking about their childhoods in tough neighborhoods.
Wicked – Green lady wearing black clothes and being mean to midgets.
The Lion King – Creepy live version of what was a much better cartoon film.
The Book of Mormon – Two hours of gay jokes.
Jersey Boys – Italian guys nobody remembers singing.
Anything Burlesque Related – Women with self-esteem issues dancing for men with self-esteem issues.
Phantom of the Opera – Lessons about how ugly people can have kind hearts but still act really creepy and get the girl.
Do you have any to contribute to this list of cynicism?
(They couldn’t get a picture of an actual band? Just some 10 year old with a guitar? His pants aren’t even long enough. I bet they pay their performers in Diet Cokes)