I have always had this fantasy of rescuing someone. I used to think when I started driving I’d constantly see cars on fire swerve off the road and into a telephone pole. I’d pull over and race out to save the driver. Maybe I’d get lucky and it was a sorority road trip gone awry. These coeds would owe their lives to me. I would be their everything. And as I grow older this fantasy remains. I was to be a knight in shining armor. I want to be a motherfucking hero.


(I’m right here Cuba and strangely edited Ray Liotta face!)

It doesn’t matter in what way I am doing the rescuing, so long as it’s obvious and clear that I’m the one saving the day. I think that’s why I love Taxi Driver so much. I would so love to be able to shoot up a brothel to save a young prostitute. The same goes for the movie Sin City. Bruce Willis saves little Jessica Alba from a yellow thing and she grows up to be Jessica Alba and wants to thank him. Really the “thanking” portion is just extra and I could deal without it. What I really like about the idea of rescuing someone is that with each breath they take they remember they would be nothing without you.

Of course I am more than likely not going to end up in some dangerous situation where I have to buy guns and kill some gangsters to save someone. That’s just not how my life works. Maybe you live wild and have those opportunities, but not me. My rescuing happens more with people in immediate lesser danger, usually to themselves. I have always been interested in helping out anyone with some sort of mental trouble whether it be depression or the other bugs that aren’t much different. And before you go off saying “no they’re all very different” shut your face. If they debilitate and change a person I don’t see the difference.

The problem with wanting to save others is you must have your shit together. I don’t even mean you have to appear to have it together, you actually have to which is different from everything else in life. Most things you do in life you can get away with being clueless. When it comes to rescuing someone else is you need to know what you’re doing. For instance I could never be a fireman. I would have no clue where to start. My first question would be “What’s the axe for? Wait, chopping down doors right? Do you ever chop them down? Seems like you wouldn’t have to do that all too much.”

fiya fighta scott arthur

(I have too much to say about this picture and the man in it. I’ll write something up for Kidz Showz on it at some point)

I’m impressed by people’s whose lives are about rescuing. I just want it as a hobby because I would feel silly collecting baseball cards again. And I don’t have my shit together so I can’t fully save anyone. I feel it’s important in order to function properly when you’re someone’s own personal Jesus that it’s not everything going on in your life. You need to have at least accomplished something great where you can always lie in bed at night and tell yourself “Well, at least I did that.”

Have you seen the show The United States of Tara? The main character has a form of multiple personality disorder. Her husband puts up with all of her “alters” as they call them. Sometimes he gets frustrated, but for the most part he’s always there for Tara. Or maybe not. As I write this I’m only half way through the series. He makes it work though because he has so many other things to do. He’s fixing up houses all the time, he enjoys sports, Patton Oswalt is his best friend, and he seems to drink a beer all the time. He can manage all of the craziness in their family because he has something else. He has things to fall back on and all he ever has to do is remind himself that he started his own landscaping business or whatever it is he does. He can save his wife because although she means everything to him, she is not everything to him.


(He also has a gay son, a daughter who dresses up like a viking princess, and a Puerto Rican who for some reason snorts coke with high school kids)

So what am I really saying? I guess it’s “don’t put all of your eggs into one basket” which to me feels like I not only wasted my time writing this but yours as well making you read this. I suppose this was one of those posts where I’m just trying to figure my own life out and I leave as confused as when I came in.

Do you have fantasies about rescuing people from dangers? Have you done it? Do you have your shit together?

  1. I never fantasize about rescuing people from danger. Well, maybe a little with the “I am immune to fire” thing. My husband told me last night that I was his hero. I told him I could only be his hero if the house was on fire, and I walked back inside to save him. But that’s as far as it goes. Otherwise, I don’t want to save anybody from anything. Except Susan Hunter from the crap she gets into. Or our son whenever he goes off the rails. I’m pretty good at that. Your post was a bit depressing today, Tim. I realize I don’t have my shit together at all. 😉 And now I have a new television show to check out.

    • Mooselicker says:

      My post wasn’t meant to be so much depressing as it was to get people riled up. Well, not riled up in a bad way or anything. This was more for therapy than anything else. These were things I felt I needed to say and look at that, you actually had some insight into it. I think we save and help out each other in a lot of ways we don’t even realize. The little things can go a long way.

      • I know, Tim. Today is just one of those days where I don’t want to look at anything too seriously, so I’m taking the more humorous approach. But you are right, and I know there have been many times when I’ve tried to reach out and say something to someone that might make a difference. We don’t have to have our shit together for that. Sometimes, all it takes is a kind word or a nicety to make a big difference in someone’s day or life. The doctors and policemen and firemen can all have their training for the saving they do, but we have our actions and our words and we can make a big difference. I’ve seen it happen many times over. The fact that you are even thinking about it, and it matters to you, says a lot about who you are. You’re a good man, Mooselicker.

      • Mooselicker says:

        You made me feel like Charlie Brown with that final sentence and somehow that is a good thing.

    • “Timisgood”–Tim’s dad. (But that’s really without a d in ‘good’ there, so what his dad really meant was Tim is goo. Yuck.)

  2. I think that you don’t need to “have your shit together” (whatever that means) to rescue someone. You just need to be the right person for the right someone. We always have something to offer that could mean the world to anyone. Like some depressed person about to pull the trigger who just really needs someone to listen to him/be there for him when he breaks down then at that exact point you managed to call/knock on their door just to check on them/to deliver pizza. What I’m saying is rescuing someone does not only happen consciously. Sometimes we have done something unconsciously that made a person want to live his life again. It can also mean being an inspiration for others. (I really wish I’m making sense here.)

    1. Yes, but not anymore recently. 2. Maybe 3. I don’t fucking know–so yes, that’s a no.

    • Mooselicker says:

      Very thorough response as usual. I’m just very intrigued by the idea of it being known that someone is a good person for doing something great. I guess it’s a Superman complex in a way? I wouldn’t mind being a one hit wonder. Imagine if we saved a bus of burning orphans. We would get a book deal, a movie deal, we would be set for life. I know that makes it sound like I would do it for selfish reasons, but to be known for one thing seems really beautiful to me. Unfortunately I’m human and can probably only ever save someone emotionally. I think though we try to save others because we hope someone can do it for us or we realize we cannot save ourselves.

  3. I have actually rescued people in my life, and it never ends up how you think it will. I pulled a guy out of a truck that lost its breaks and slammed into an embankment… after almost hitting my van and killing me… I stopped the bleading and it was messy. Didn’t get on the news. When I called the hospital later to see if he was okay they wouldn’t tell me anything because I wasn’t family. So I asked if he had any infectious diseases I should be worried about, and they wouldn’t tell me that either.

  4. Addie says:

    I love your line, “He can save his wife because although she means everything to him, she is not everything to him.”

    Good stuff there, Tim.

    To answer your questions…no, no and no.

  5. benzeknees says:

    I used to be a volunteer firefighter (dispatcher) in a small town in NW Ont. so I routinely had to keep my training in first aid, CPR, etc. up to date just in case. Although I never personally rescued anyone, I was part of teams who rescued people. So, if this is really your fantasy, take a first aid or CPR course, just in case. Then if you see someone in need of help, you will have the tools necessary. Most of these courses require a commitment of a weekend or a few evenings to take the training, so it’s not like you have to be super organized to do this – just committed. And I don’t mean into a mental institute!

    • Mooselicker says:

      That’s not a bad suggestion. Thanks. My only worry is I would hope to find someone nearing death. Why can’t saving someone’s mental health be viewed as incredibly heroic? I’m good at that.

  6. SingingTuna says:

    This post is beautiful: contemplative and poignant. You probably rescue people all the time and don’t realize it. Sometimes laughing is enough to keep people taking the next breath, and the next.
    It’s not the same as swinging an axe, but few things are.

    I know a couple of people who’ve “rescued” people and they’re among the most untogether-shit people I ever met. They just like to jump into danger and fortunately know the ways to counteract it. People can be taught what to do. They can’t be taught to want to do it. So I guess if you really want to save someone you can. And then that someone can remember that he or she would be nothing without you.

    I’m way too selfish to think about rescuing other people. The closest I ever got was saving a guy from being fired in the middle of a staff meeting. I yelled at our boss and told him he was a knucklehesd for saying he’d fire the guy, that we needed him, and to shape up. That wasn’t dangerous for me (and I’m not saying why) but the guy who was in danger of losing his job didn’t know that I wasn’t taking a risk to save him. He thought I was; he thanked me over and over and over again. For years.

    Do I have my sh*t together? Of course. 😉

    • Mooselicker says:

      I think I want the praise that comes with it. I know it’s selfish, but I would love to be lifted up onto shoulders for helping out others. At least it’s a little less selfish than being lifted because I won a championship.

      Saving someone’s job would satisfy me. As long as it’s a known thing and it becomes part of me then I will like it.

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