Please, for those of you who read the title and thought it was “Breaking Dawn Song Lyrics” exit immediately. This has nothing to do with vampires. This has something to do with a much more evil creature, the band Nickelback. I ended up not posting something I wrote about the song New Age Girl and how it’s all about blow jobs because it seemed like it would eliminate too much of my female readers. All it really comes down to is “she don’t eat meat but she sure like the bone” and the girl in the song, Mary Moon, thinks she is too good to “eat meat.” Seriously, I wrote way too much on the topic. You can thank me for not making you feel uncomfortable.

Forever there has been the one song by Nickelback that I have continuously felt like vomiting every time I heard it. I am of course talking about Nickelback’s song Photograph. We all hate this band, but have any of us ever really taken the time to break down the lyrics? I’m sure someone has. This is my turn. You can find my snarky remarks in ellipses beside these nauseating lyrics.

Look at this photograph (Why? Your whole band is ugly. Don’t start a song off being so demanding)

Every time I do it makes me laugh (So you’re suggesting humor to me now? You’re a dumb Canadian band. The last comedian you produced was Rick Moranis and he retired after his wife died)

How did our eyes get so red? (A lot of older photographs give people red eye. Or possibly you were on the marijuana)

And what the hell is on Joey’s head? (If Joey has any musical taste it’s not a pair of headphones listening to this song)

This is where I grew up (Ya don’t say…)

I think the present owner fixed it up (Wow, terrible lyrics. I hope the new family has sex where you had all these fond childhood memories)

I never knew we ever went without

The second floor is hard for sneakin’ out (These two lines don’t really mean anything other than he had strict parents I guess? I’m not sure. Too bad he didn’t fall out of that second floor window on his way to an ugly person party)

And this is where I went to school (Ya don’t say…)

Most of the time I had better things to do (I hope you don’t mean making music)

Criminal record says I broke in twice

I must of done it half a dozen times (He’s bragging about breaking into school immediately after saying he had better things to do. This guy is confusing. And why brag about only getting away with it 66% of the time?)

I wonder if it’s too late (To shut off this song?)

Should I go back and try to graduate? (Yes, please do. Become a plumber. Your lyrics are shit. You seem a natural)

Lot’s better now than it was back then

If I was them, I wouldn’t let me in (What’s better than back then? It’s not your hair. The fact you get Sum41’s sloppy seconds?)

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, God, I (Did he just orgasm?)

[Chorus]

Every memory of lookin’ out the back door (He has to look out the door because none of the kids want to invite him out to play)

I have the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor (Upload those pictures onto a computer you asshole)

It’s hard to say it

Time to say it

Good bye, good bye (You haven’t been there for years. You escaped long ago. This shouldn’t be hard)

Every memory of walkin’ out the front door (Walking out the front door because your parents don’t want you around anymore. I bet Nickelback guy would play music really loud in the basement until they finally kicked him out)

I found the photo of the friend I was lookin’ for (You sick bastard. He was looking for a picture of a child. I really hope it wasn’t a girl. He probably wanted to brag about an old girlfriend he slept with)

It’s hard to say it

Time to say it

Good bye, good bye, good bye

Remember the old arcade? (Yeah, it was the one place we didn’t have to listen to you reminisce about bullshit)

Blew every dollar that we ever made (I’m sure that’s not the only thing you blew to get a musical career)

The cops hated us hangin’ out (Yeah because your music was annoying and everyone complained)

They said somebody went and burnt it down (I bet the cops burnt it down hoping you were inside)

We use to listen to the radio

And sing along with every song we know (Were they as bad as this?)

We said someday we’d find out how it feels

To sing to more than just a steering wheel (Too bad he didn’t mean a shotgun barrel)

Kim’s the first girl I kissed (And then Kim became a lesbian)

I was so nervous that I nearly missed (No, she was trying to get away)

She’s had a couple of kids since then (And lucky for her they don’t have Chad Kroeger genetics)

I haven’t seen her since God knows when (I really hope God has more important things than keeping track of when you last saw your dumb girlfriends)

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, God, I (Eww he did it again)

[Chorus]

I miss that town (None of them miss you)

I miss their faces (That’s a creepy thing to say)

You can’t erase (This song from my memory?)

You can’t replace it (I think he’s referencing how the rest of the band wanted to replace the lead singer)

I miss it now

I can’t believe it

So hard to stay

Too hard to leave it (Shut up you damn townie and go somewhere new)

If I could relive those days

I know the one thing that would never change (People’s hatred for you?)

[Chorus]

Look at this photograph (I’m looking damn it…)

Every time I do it makes me laugh (It makes you laugh? You just wrote a song about how miserable you are)

Every time I do it makes me (He didn’t finish…he didn’t finish writing his stupid song. What a lazy bastard. Who ends a song on an unfinished thought?)

Boo!

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Comments
  1. Addie says:

    The “Oh,whoa,whoa,whoa” line was the best!

  2. Carter A. Johns says:

    Jesus, those lyrics are inspired. I mean insipid. Inspired by awfulness.

  3. 1jaded1 says:

    Boo is right. That song is horrible and when it comes on, I turn the radio dial. Now that I’ve read the lyrics (cringing all the way through) I can say that song is still horrible.

    • Mooselicker says:

      A friend of mine took a song writing class at university and they actually said Nickelback was the example of what not to do. Don’t let their bad voices fool you, their writing is just as bad.

  4. Brother Jon says:

    “On the marijuana”….silly Canadians. I think Nickelback is the Canadian Creed.

  5. Hahaha … great job breaking down the lyrics. You should do this more often. Would you believe I never knew what these guys looked like until just now?

    I had no idea so many people hated Nickelback, but I’m learning fast. I only own one song by them – Far Away. It’s on my mp3 player, and I like listening to it while we’re out on the motorcycle. Would you ever own any of their music?

    • Mooselicker says:

      Thanks! I probably will do this again because it was easy.

      Would I ever own any of their music? I don’t really own much music in the first place so probably not. I feel like I might be on some list if I ever did own anything by them. You know, like last to get on some rocket after a meteor is set to hit earth. You may want to destroy all evidence of you owning any of their material.

  6. modeejae says:

    I’ve always hated that song, now I know why. Thanks!!!
    Off to find the brain bleach now o.O

  7. Seb says:

    I can’t believe the great Billy Gibbons once played on a song of theirs. What was he thinking?

  8. I never really cared about these lyrics, but they are in fact pretty weird…! Jeeze. ‘Let’s make an emoional song’ they said. ‘It will be fun they said…’ Ouch. 😉

    • Mooselicker says:

      The worst thing is somewhere in America at every moment someone is telling everyone else in the room to quiet down because Nickelback is coming on and they really want to hear the song. Ugh.

  9. The Waiting says:

    Nickelback had it coming to them. Thank you for enduring those lyrics for us.

  10. You really hate this song, huh? Well I don’t blame you. I didn’t think the song was too awful when I first heard it but now reading this lyrics (and the way you bashed it, haha!) ugh, I know I’m never going to be a fan. Seriously, couldn’t they’ve just hired a ghostlyricwriter or something? That writing sucks, blows, chewed, and was spat out again. Yuck. And that orgasmic line, twice?! What’s with Canadians and using orgasmic lines in their songs? Just listen to that Bieber boy singing in his girly voice, “Baby, baby, baby oh…” I’m starting to think both are actually connected and Biebs got the disease of Being Awful from being molested by Nickelback. Yikes.

    • Mooselicker says:

      The worst thing is Nickelback is actually known for helping out other bands who sound exactly like them. The only one I can think of offhand is My Darkest Days. There are way too many Nickelback clones. I guess though when you’re doing something like cloning you want to do it with something you don’t mind destroying in case it goes wrong?

      • I have never even heard of MDD. But if they sound anything like Nickelback like you say I won’t even bother looking them up. That’s a lie. I did. And that Wiki picture of their vocalist is a clone of Chad Kroeger alright. Why does that make me laugh that he’s such an idiot for agreeing to be “dolled up” like CK?

  11. tinkadele says:

    This provided me with the greatest giggle of the day. Especially, these lines:
    “Kim’s the first girl I kissed (And then Kim became a lesbian)
    I was so nervous that I nearly missed (No, she was trying to get away)”
    Haha, so harsh.

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